How Many Have Sought Professional Help???

by codeblue 86 Replies latest members private

  • Miata
    Miata

    Hello all:

    I have introed myself on another thread and by biography is not on my profile because it keeps coming up with an error message so I will intro again.

    I usually just read these and dont reply because I am sometimes TOO outspoken for other people to accept but I AM going to reply to this one due to my own experience with therapy and with the jw's.

    I was born and raised a jw by an alcoholic, abusive mother with no father until I was 12 years old. My mother was SO abusive that she would gather up "weapons of torture" from around the neighborhood and our house and use them on my brother and sisters, (who were 7, 8, and 11 years older than me). She would be drunk and then beat them for some imagined wrong and I would be curled in the corner as small as I could get so that she wouldnt see me and start on me and would cry silently for my older siblings. When they started getting married and leaving home, (brother left when I was 9 and sister left when I was 10) she started focusing more on me.

    She married a child molester when I was 12 and he started molesting me at 13 and 14 and I repressed those memories until 2003 when I accidently found the silent lambs website. I was disfellowshipped at the age of 14 for "bringing reproach on the name of Jehovah" because when I went to the elders for help from my step-father 's molest and from my mother's alcoholic beatings, they didnt help me. (I didnt have 2 witnesses except immediate family who would help me and my family was too scared of mom to say anything at all). So I went to my favorite teacher in school who had noticed my bruises and she took me to the police for help. I remember that I always knew what I wanted and didnt want back as far as I can recall. I knew that I didnt want to be a "submissive wife" knew that there was something wrong with the blood issue etc... of course if I questioned any of it, I would get a beating. I also knew that I wanted to stay in school but my mom had removed both of my sisters at the ages of about 14.

    I was taken away from my mother for child abuse (it was just becoming not ok to beat your kids) (she used to pull me out of the car in front of Raleys grocery store and beat me with a belt) and was disfellowshipped. Went to live in foster homes (12 of them) and learned to live in the "world".

    I was reinstated at 20 after I married my first husband and again disfellowshipped at 21 for divorcing him without scriptural grounds although they tried to find a loophole for me (they knew me all my life) by asking if he forced me to have oral sex with him (he was an unbeliever). I have been out of the Borg ever since. (over 20 years)

    I had to start therapy with my children due to the molest of my children and was in therapy for 6 years with them and I have to say that it was one of the best things that I could have done for them and myself. I would never have imagined that my son would respond so possitively to therapy and as for myself, it saved my life. LITERALLY!

    I had started trying to kill myself when I was 7 years old! That behavior continued until I had 3 children in my house and my only thought was that "someone will find them" I never thought "what if they find me" . I probably tried to kill myself about 5 times total. That ended after therapy. If only that. It would be enough.

    I consider myself a survivor not a victim and I attribute alot of that to therapy. My sisters are unfortunately, victims still with one of them a paranoid sckitso and diagnosed multiple personality, (due to being sexually abused by my jw father at the age of 4 years old) and my other sister is barely holding onto her sanity. Neither have had any therapy as far as I know. Just my 2 cents worth.

  • TresHappy
    TresHappy

    Yes I did and it helped immensely!

  • Miata
    Miata
    We were constantly told that Armegeddon could come at any moment and that nobody knows who will be destroyed and who will remain. For a child, that's just plain abuse. It's horribly frightening to always live in fear of every little mistake you make sealing your doom.

    This was also my experience. As a child I too grew up with fear as my food. Affraid of dying at Armegeddon, fear of my mother's wrath and her belt, fear of my step-father's wandering hands and other body parts, fear of the elders, fear of.......

    worst of all was of course the sexual abuse, physical abuse and death at the hands of god. Also frightening terribly was when I would "wiggle" during the meetings and my mom would grab huge chunks of my leg and she would twist and pinch and tell me "you are gonna get it when you get home" . My mother ALWAYS followed through with her threats too. If she said that? It happened. Always!! And I would get beat until I had bruises all over my legs, back and butt. She would sometimes hit me 30+ times with the belt. ( I counted).

    So fear was my food.

  • Miata
    Miata
    I keep telling myself I am too smart, I can deal with this PTSD!!!...but after 1.5 years I find myself not moving forward!!!

    Codeblue:

    My counselor one time told me that the brave ones seek counseling and the ones who are not progressing forward, dont seek it. I found that was the most soothing thing she could tell me. She said I was brave for doing what I was doing. And she told me that when everyone around you tells you that you are crazy for the ways you think, bacause of what you are learning from counseling, then you know that you are on the right track because they are stuck in their stagnating life while you are moving forward. I found that this was also true so when my inlaws and others in my life would treat me like I was the one with the problems or like I was nuts, I knew I was still ok and was not standing still, but was moving forward.

  • one
    one
    I was born and raised a jw by an alcoholic,

    i have no words to reply, in fact will have to read your post again.

    but will take the opportunity to say that my opinion , which bothered some posters, does not contemplate situations such as described by Miata. In her case it is obvious that there are other components other than pure jw rules.

  • codeblue
    codeblue

    Miata:

    Thank you for sharing your painful life experience. I couldn't imagine that kind of a childhood....It took a lot of courage for you to post the most intimate portions of your life. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to type what kind of life you had with those painful experiences.

    I also am so happy that you were "strong enough" to seek out counseling and that you gained yourself and that your children are experiencing happiness also!!!

    Many hugs to you,

    CodeBlue

  • Miata
    Miata
    Many hugs to you,

    /and to you also Codeblue

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit