by codeblue 86 Replies latest members private
SP:That isn't pride it is a symptom of you not taking care of yourself nor feeling your self-worth. You need to think of yourself and the effects your depression has on your husband.
PS Nice pic of Eva...I like the one she did with the Tarantula the best.
The only thing I did was attend a support group for co-dependancy and learning that the reilgion feeds on our co-dependant personalities. Over the years I have leaned to be more dependant and not seeking others approval. It is part of growing into being a balanced human being.
Will
Prophecor I loved your last post. Yes life moves too fast and it causes a great deal of stress for all of us. When u are very young the effects for stress may not be so noticeable, but after 30, it shows up as disease and mental illness.
Right now, I have a small christmas tree, my first, in a small bedroom. No one can see it unless they go in. I am so afraid a jws will see it. I only have 2 JWS that ever stop by anymore, but it would be my luck they would see it. I told my therapist this, and he alost cried. He almost cannot believe people would have this much power over others life, ie they could DF us for having it .But thanks to him, I have this treee. He convinced my husband that it was grossly unfair of him not to help me meet my spiritual needs. He also said I should be willing to help my husband meet his. My hubby is like me, a fader. but he still clings to some of the teachings, and his family is still "IN" and it would hurt him badly if they df us. so I have to be respectful of him too. But do u know, HE went out and bought the tree. THANKS TO MY THERAPIST. This is stressing me, but it is a huge breakthrough for my husband. Also, he convinced my hubby to attend a christmas service with me.
I still have all those negative "tapes" floating around my head from the elders /parents and others JWS. They have done everything they could to hurt me and my family. I wish i did not hate them, but i do. By hating I am giving them some of my power. I hope to get to the point where Gary B is at, firm and resolved to beat them at their own game, but I don't sense a bitter hatred , at least not one that is destroying his life. to the contrary, his life sounds really good.
Anyway, just wanted to tell u that your insights are great and also suggest that u check into the county mental health system. They have therapists that will see u for a sliding fee or for almost nothing.
best of luck ot u
weds
Yes, how many sought professional help because they just couldn't "deal" with the pain of being raised in a cult...?
*raises hand
How long did it take you to realize you needed "help" to get focused and on tract with life???
almost immediately. therapy gave me direction and helped me find and focus on my strengths (which i didn't realize i had) and work on my weaknesses. most of all they give you the tools you need to survive on your own, and turn you from being a dependent personality to an independent one. i highly recommend it for anyone who is considering it. therapy doesn't make you better - you make yourself better, through lots of work coupled with guidance from a skilled counselor.
?Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.? -- James Baldwin
My psychiatrist was great. He listened as I explained about shunning and the consequences. Yet I was not raised a dub after years of dub-dumb I was even more of a need for therapy. The doc was the first person in years to listen to my ideas and comment in a way I knew I was on the right track. If I had health insurance I'd still be going.
Me! Me! I've sought professional help! And I'm SO glad I have! In fact, I'm in group therapy at the moment and am really amazed at how helpful it's been.
I see more clearly how I am often living my life the way I think others expect me to (which is why being a JW was so easy: To be 'right' with Jehovah, do thus-and-so. If I did thus-and-so, I was a good person!). I am striving to notice what living my life the way I want to feels like: anywhere from "scary" to "very nice, thank you very much!" I have spent so much of my life trying to convince others that I'm good enough. Good enough is very vague and thus very elusive. How about I spend more time being happy with who I am: someone with good and bad qualities, nice and not so nice traits, talented in some areas and absolutely no-talent in others, in other words, a human being.
I highly recommend professional pyschological counseling for any who are having a rough time adjusting to life outside the cult. So often, even if one is out, one allows the WTS and the "Friends" or JW family to continue to have power over one's life. It is helpful to explore why one is allowing this, when the relationship was obviously unhealthy.
outnfree (and getting freer!)
P.S. The entire group (except me) are pretty strong Christians and several were speaking today about how difficult it had been for them to overcome the belief that by seeking professional counseling they were somehow "not trusting God enough." -- Sound familiar? Interestingly, all came to the conclusion that God wants his children to be happy and that whatever way they are able to accomplish becoming happy and whole is okay with God.
I truly appreciate ALL of your posts....
I talked to a therapist in September....but she recommended someone else... who I called and didn't have cult experience, only because she was getting ready to go on vacation. She claims to have helped former JW's....
It took me 3 months to get the "nerve" to call her again..........
I realize I am not moving "on" with my life...and I am truly stuck in stages of grieving...
I will see her in a week or so.
Thank you for posting...and I hope MORE people will post... I have been fading for over a year and I have constant struggles.......I don't want to go back to the religion.........I just want to be "happy".....I can't figure it out.
I think this "cult" issues, mind control issues are very strong especially when you have been raised as one......
Please keep posting...for those who haven't..
I am glad to hear that the therapy has worked. I go over and over in my mind that I need to cancel it.......that I am too "smart" and should be able to figure this thing out.......but 1.5 years worth of struggles tell me I am doing something wrong.
Thanks for listening and caring.
CodeBlue
By the way........welcome what is truth
It took a lot of courage to post......thank you!
Why do some people that recognize their own need for counceling, feel that eveyone needs it? By what set of credentials do they purport to know what the generality of human kind needs? That they recognize their own needs means nothing regarding the needs or lack thereof of the rest of us.
carm
