hello im new and I need your help (page 8)

NewLight2

Panic,

I don't think anyone here thinks you are not geniune. We all feel your pain. Since you are so undecided about what you want to do in the future - leave or stay - why not do what many here have done. They have just stopped going to a few meetings now and then. Some have decided to just start skipping one meeting a week, then over time the number of meetings skipped have increased. If anyone asks you why you have been missing meetings, just tell them you were: (pick one)

too tired
a bit under the weather
depressed
had to work late
the car needs fixing
had out-of-town guests

or any other number of excueses that will not reflect your true inner struggle. None of the above should get you or your family into trouble with the elders. But at the same time you can tell yourself that you are giving yourself "time to think". In the meantime, just try to relax and not panic. This all takes time to work out. Continue to post here and make friends.

Another suggestion: Start of make 'worldly' friends so that when those at the KH start to shun you, you will have friends outside the borg. You could do this by joining a 'special interest' group like:

A bowling team
softball team
car club

or whatever else you may be interested in.

Attending outside activities also will give youself another 'excuse' to miss the 'meeting at the KH'.

Hope this helps,
NewLight2

PaNiCAtTaCk

thanks and I PM you newlight2

PaNiCAtTaCk

"Start to make 'worldly' friends so that when those at the KH start to shun you, you will have friends outside the borg.

this is something I have a very difficult time doing because I feel so uncomfortable around anyone not JW. I just feel like a bad person or that IM doing something very wrong when Im associating with them outside of work.

Perry

After years of being effected by WT phobias, I finally decided to attend a decent bible believing church..... boy was I pleasantly surprised. I reccommend the same to everyone, just so you can see for yourself that there are a LOT of nice Christian family people out there who are serious about their walk with God. There is a lot of mis-information both inside the ORG and outside about Christians.

It will be a real eye-opener for you. You will be amazed at the level of education and maturity at a church that is on the move. You'll feel ashamed for having misjudged them so... I did. But more than that, you'll get a chance to truly compare for yourself the difference. And what a difference that will be.

Wishing you discernment and peace!

NewLight2

Perry,

You have a good suggestion, but on the other hand, your use of the phrase:

"ashamed for having misjudged them so. ."

is not really what Panic needs to hear right now. He is dealing with enough "false" shame and guilt that the Watchtower leaders have placed on his shoulders.

Panic,

Please be assured that ALL, and I do mean ALL, the guilt and shame that you are feeling right now has been placed there by the Watchtower leaders as a "tactic to control the flock". Without this 'guilt/fear/shame' trip that has been placed onto everyone's shoulders at the KH, very few would stay.

Perhaps if you would read "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan you would begin to understand this concept. Oh, and BTW, Steven Hassan was never a JW, he belonged to some other mind control cult. So he is NOT a dreaded "WT Apostate". The book can be found in most Libraries or it can be ordered from Barnes and Noble or from 'amazon.com'

I highly recommend that you obtain and read this book ASAP. You are carrying way too heavy a burden of FALSE guilt which should be lifted once you come to understand that this 'guilt' is not real.

NewLight2

ps - Panic, I have not recieved your PM yet. Have you sent it already?

jgnat

PanicAttack, that is so sad that you feel constrained from conversing with people who are not JW. Is that why you have not addressed my comments on this thread? I am an inoffensive and kind person, really. And there are lots of people like me, I am sure, who would be glad to call you friend.

Give us a chance?

BrendaCloutier

How I would hurt them all.

Pan, how do you feel when someone leaves, or is DF'd and doesn't return?

This is a painful point to make. We would all like to think we're extremely important to a particular group of people, whether it's the congregation, or work.

In my experience, there is great sadness for the leaving person's loss of Jehovah, and some sadness for the loss of that person. Unfortunatly, what tends to replace this sadness and loss in JW's is self-righteousness and self-righteous indignation of "how dare they ... turn their back on Jehovah". This is the only emotion that seems to be allowed to help asauge their own guilt for seemingly not doing enough.

You've received some good council here. The best is to take time. Be kind to yourself. Go to meetings for your wife, as long as you can, and support her. Seek outside interests. Develop a life. Train your son to make choices and ask questions no matter what those questions are.

I still recommend finding a therapist who has worked with high control group mentality. I think you may need some professional direction. Some live one-on-one that you can't lay on your wife, or get from other JW's.

I also want you to know that even though there are several here who really want to see you leave. There are those here, myself as one, who understand if you choose to stay a JW. At least now you are making an informed choice!

I want you to know, too, just your brief stay here, on this thread, you have made a difference in my life.

Hugs and love

Brenda

gotout

Think of this: What kind of life will your son have as a JW? When my wife and I had our son that question popped into our heads. Here is what we came up with. If he chooses not to become a regular pioneer he will be looked down upon. If he wants to pursue a higher education, he will be looked down upon. If he gets married and has children before ARM, he will bw looked down upon. If he wants to get involved in extra-caricullar activities at secular school, he will be looked down upon. In other words: If he chooses a life not apporved by the WTS he will not be a member in good standing in the CONG. JW youths have no choices in the BORG. Either become a PIO or live on the outskirts. We did not want our child having no choices when he grew up. We did not want other people to decide for him what he likes or not. We did not want him to feel bad about the choices he makes for himself. We got the hell out! It is not a life that leads to a heathly life as an adult.

czarofmischief

I was raised a dub myself - I can empathize with your plight. Just relax. You already know what you have to do. Do it.

CZAR

maybesbabies

You've been given a lot of good advice on this thread, so I will keep it simple.

We all know that the word Christian means to follow the example of Christ. According to the bible, that's all that is needed. It is so very simple, and yet so difficult, because it just seems too easy. You mean, all I have to do is love, care, and be kind to others???? No way! All I have to do is live as Jesus said, no way! But really, what does the bible, or Jesus to be precise, tell us we need to do? That is all you need. Your spirituality is between you and God, and it is a tragedy to think there needs to be an organization to have a personal relationship with Him.

hello im new and I need your help

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