by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private
(((Mario))) - Talia IS watching - her spirit is right there with you. Don't forget that - through your tears, just close your eyes & focus - you'll feel her, you will. And if you feel like it - you buy every damn Christmas light in the stores, put em all over the place - make the light reach to heaven if it will help.
How is Marina doing?
(((Mario))))))) thanks for keeping in touch with us, and you know you have all our cyber shoulders to lean on. We just wish we could be there in person for you.
cj
(((Mario)))
I found this on the net. It was written by a 13 yr. old boy named Ben for his mother.
My First Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless trees around the world below,
With tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyound description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see pain inside you heart,
But I am not so far way. We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear,
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
Mario, I am sorry you are heart broken. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child. It will hurt for quit some time yet. Although it may not seem like it now but it will get easier, it's just going to take a lot of time. Don't you let that grief get to you though. You still have another daughter who loves and needs you. Believe it or not, she is going to be the one who helps you through this, just watch and see. (((((((((((((((((((((Mario)))))))))))))))))))))
Now, these two songs make me cry, but they make me feel good at the same time. To think, just maybe, that they can see us and in their own little way help us through the pain.
Heaven
Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away, so far away Never had I imagined living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive, alive And I know you're shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together Together, one sweet day Darling, I never showed you Assumed you'd always be there I took your presence for granted, but I always cared And I miss the love we shared And I know you're shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together Together, one sweet day Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day Lord, I know when I lay me down to sleep You will always listen as I pray And I know you're shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together Together, one sweet day And I know you're shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together Together, one sweet day Yes, we will one sweet day Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say
Holes in the floor of heaven
One day SHY OF eight years old
Grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy,
blowing out that birthday cake
How I cried when the sky let go
with a cold and lonesome rain
Momma smiled said don't be sad child
Grandma's watchin you today
'Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin' down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
And sometimes if you're lonely
just remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me
Seasons come and seasons go
nothin' stays the same
I grew up fell in love
met a girl who took my name
Year by year we made a life
in this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord I sure do miss her now
But there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin' down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me
Well my little girl is 23
I walk her down the aisle
it's a shame her mom can't be here now
to see her lovely smile
They throw the rice
I catch her eye
as the rain starts comin' down
she takes my hand says daddy don't be sad 'cause
I know momma's watchin' now
And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me
Hang on in there Mario, we would all like to be there at your side - but we are, in spirit....
(((((Mario))))) All of us wish you lived nearby! Then you would have 1000+ shoulders to lean on. Lean on Me
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
(((((((((((((((((((((Mario)))))))))))))))))))))))))))You know that you are in our thoughts. Please call we are here for you
Hello All:
I was fortunate enough to meet with HUBERT on Friday night after a long day of driving around CT, MA & RI. We decided to meet and have a simple and light dinner in order to chat and catch up on things. HUBERT has literally been a godsend, no pun intended.
He has been instrumental in helping me keep my sanity and keep me afloat. He is true friend, the kind you find here at JWD. I am forever indebted to HUBERT, especially LDH, CRUZNHEART, AVISHAI, BEM, XANDRIA, ALANF, JULIEF, NATHAN NATAS, BIGTEX, CCRYDER, BALSAM, RUTH, and so many more that I cannot remember all of you at this moment.
However, I love all of you and have some devastating news to report. Marina has in fact officially communicated her desire to live with the Fuller family and wants to continue her relationship with her mother, despite the incarceration/confinement.
Thus, the DCYF agency, the therapists, the investigators and police have all been informed that Marina desires that I complete the necessary guardianship/custody documents in court so that she can officially live with the in-laws.
At first, DCYF informed me that I am still her biological father, legal guardian and I can legally prevent her from associating with the in-laws. However, in the best interest of Marina, in the interest of avoiding potential problems and expensive adoption/custody battles with the ex-in-laws, I am going to accomodate her request.
I have given it weeks of thought and agonized over it day and night. Marina had said over and over she will not be happy with me, even if I exercise my legal rights in court. She will only live with me if I allow her to associate with the JW's, the in-laws and help her remian in contact with her mother.
I cannot do any of those things. Neither in this life, the next life or any other life there is to come, I will not associate with those people nor allow any association with Tonya. I have a right to my feelings as I am also a victim in this tragedy and I did not light any fires.
Marina loves her JW side and still lvoes her mother and despite the comments from the therapists and doctors about Tonya's culpability and responsibility for the arson, suicide attempt and homicide, Marina does not see any of it. She just misses her mother and wants to see her again and stay in touch with her until she is released someday.
I am broke. I do not have the resources to engage in a custody battle over a child that does not want to live with me in the first place. I have begged and pleaded, I have explained that I saved her from the flames, and that I risked everything to keep her from the long arm of the authorities, and yet, none of that means anything anymore!
I have laboured in vain. My sister and mother say let her go and she will return after she learns her lessons. DCYF has said that forcing her to love with me could result in runaway problems (Marina has threatened to take pills, runaway or become a street walker) and I would be completely responsible for her actions as a minor.
I am getting tired and my job is in danger. I cannot travel daily worrying about the next phone call from authorities about a possible problem with Marina. I also have a right to start a normal life again and cannot forever keep picking the pieces and costs of every one of Tonya's stunts in life.
I am still paying off campaign debt. Thus, I have lost another battle in this JW war. I now have no family, no home, no child and full of new debt.
I think this is the signal to walk away while I still can and at least take away my freedom.
This has been the worst year of my life.
((((((Mario)))))),
Marina's desire to live with the in-laws must be tough to take. You are dealing with all of this so eloquently.
I appreciate your desire to accomodate her desires. Is there any way that you can ask DCYF to ensure that she goes to some sort of conselling whereby a therapist can slowly and politely show her what being a JW is really like?
I really feel for Marina in all of this too, but I hope she is not allowed to be taken too deeply into the JW world. Short-term it may be best for her but hopefully she can be exposed to the "real" world enough that she can peacefully leave at some point.
Take care, Mario. I have thought about you everyday,
Brad
Mario,
I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, and with Marina wanting to live with the in-laws, it seems like pain being piled upon pain. If there is nothing you can do to prevent it, without completely destroying any future relationship you may have with her, then perhaps for right now you should let her go. I agree that you should insist that she attend formal counseling with a licensed therapist, not a body of elders, and that be one of the conditions of you signing over guardianship. Perhaps, at some point in the future when the magnitude of all that Tonya has done finally gets through to Marina, she will come back to you.
You made a good point, also, you deserve to have a life. You are so strong, and have been through so much, PLEASE take care of yourself.
Sending all the positive vibes I possess your way,
Happyout
