Me too.
The best advice I was given after my cousin, and best friend in the world died, was to grieve. Let it out and don't suppress your feelings. Don't let anyone tell you it's time to buck up and move on. You need time to grieve, mourn and cry your heart out. It really is good for you and a huge relief emotionally. To me there is nothing worse than trying to hold it all in for appearances or for the sake of others.
It makes me happy to think of her with our grandparents, and our other cousin who died of leukemia a few years ago, and that they are watching over us and being happy together. I don't know if that is true, but I am happy believing that it is.