Dating a JW info

by Lady Lee 115 Replies latest social relationships

  • Sirona


    Are you serious?

    Let me point out a couple of things in your post which indicate very strongly that the JW are a cult-type religion or at least a high control group.

    Anyway, I'll take those concerns somewhere else, but I'm having trouble asking my JW friends about my concerns. They aren't giving me the full story.
    Why not? Maybe they're hiding something? Shielding you from the reality? The thing is, you ONLY find out the truth about the Witnesses when you get baptised. By then you've lost all your other friends and you have nowhere to turn. They are great with you AT FIRST and are loving. You don't see or hear any of the crap that goes on. Then get baptised and spend a few years as a JW and you'll soon realise that you wasted your life listening to 12 men in Brooklyn. Ask them if you can study your bible without ever reading a Watchtower magazine again....the answer will be no.
    The only one who was accessing my doubts was Jon, the guy that I'm interested in, and understanding why I think the way I do. And now we can't see or speak to each other. I'm just not sure if this approach is the best thing for us. He's the only one I feel I can trust to talk to about my thoughts on the JW, but we can't even communicate anymore. Plus, it's making it harder for me because I want to be with him. Gah.

    Why? Have they prevented it? Do you not think this is a 100% sign of a cult?


  • 4JWY
    My biggest concern is the Watchtower and it's authority

    Yes, that needs to be your biggest concern.

    Having been raised in and lived the life for 42 years under their authority, believe me, I can be trusted to know what goes on. If I could talk to you in person, you could see and hear my sincerity for your plight. My son is your age and I wouldn't wish this situation on him for anything. If I believed in angels, he would be one, for being the one that brought us all out of JW's three years ago.

    I wasn't allowed to be in contact with any "worldly" boyfriend either during my years as a JW growing up. I was followed, spied on, reported on to the elders by my own sister for continuing to see my non JW boyfriend, and suffered from a public announcement of punishment in the congregation. Yet, I stuck around......for 30 more years. Brainwashed.

    The authority of which you speak in your above comment, will RULE your life and destroy your true self, eventually. If you had seen your father, as I did mine, literally surrounded by the Watchtower's literature before taking his life - always seeking to allow this authority to rule his life, searching for THEIR answers, maybe the depth of what is involved could be understood.

    For now though, this is a lot of info to digest, and you need to experience more life, before you give that life over to an organization (cult) like JW's.

    I would suggest you get a copy of the book by Steven Hassan, "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and read it while you still have somewhat of an open mind. Perhaps you can share it with Jon and get his viewpoint on it's contents. Sadly, it's another thing he won't be allowed to do though, read this book, unless he does it on the sly and feels guilty for doing so.

    All the best to you

    (now the count is up to 14, 478 views, hmmmm....)

  • bikerchic
    but I can assure you that I am more mature than what my age says for me, as is the guy I'm involved with.

    I sure hate to hear these words from young people. Life offers a maturity that "smarts" don't offer. You have to live a long time to really be mature, 18 years isn't very long to have truly gained life's maturity. Don't fool yourself into thinking you have it all figured out at 18.

    This is a cult you are being indoctrinated into, do not go down that rabbit hole it will really mess up your life in ways you can't even begin to imagine!

    Please get a copy of Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and read about the history of Jehovah's Witnesses, something the friends at the Kingdom Hall won't tell you about, heck most of them if not all of them don't even know the true history of the beginnings of this cult.

    Oh and believe me there are plenty of really good guys out there this Jon might seem like the one to you now but give yourself some time and experience and I'm sure you'll find someone just as suited to you as him in a few years. You are only young for a short while don't waste it on a cult or a guy who has bought the farm hook line and sinker.

    Sorry if I sound so contrite but I wasted the majority of my life on this cult and a "Jon-type". If only someone would have told me these things at 18, and if only I had the maturity to listen and take the advise.

    Good luck!

  • leliae

    thanks for all of the advice, I'll keep it in mind. I just have never seen any evidence of the JW being a cult, in my friends or their family, which has really surprised me. The only hint I've gotten is Jon's parents telling him that he really needs to drop communication with me, not because I'm a temptation for him, but so that he's not a temptation for me coming into the JW. I'll keep a lookout, and I'm going into this constantly questioning everything (I've always been extremely skeptical of religions as a whole, though always had a belief in God).

  • bikerchic

    Here is some information on cults you will find the JW's fit the definition:

    This is just a sample google search. Read everything you can and get informed before you get too involved with them.

  • 4JWY
    ...but so that he's not a temptation for me coming into the JW.


    It's obvious they don't want you around to tempt him, and/or cause him to perhaps question his beliefs, ie: lead him astray.

    Does he have a mind of his own?

    Signing off,


    ....of the "scummy dross"on the "slag heap of destruction" class, as folks like me are so kindly referred to in tomorrow's Watchtower lesson.

    See the thread by Blondie: Comments you will not hear at the 5-29-95 WT Study (apostates; Inactive)

  • AntiPode
    ...but so that he's not a temptation for me coming into the JW. I'll keep a lookout, and I'm going into this constantly questioning everything...

    Part of being mature is knowing you never stop learning. Trouble is, as a Witness, you stop. You don't mature past the point you become one, and since you think you know everything you need to know after becoming one (all else is worldly wisdom/knowledge), you don't know the difference.

    As a (non-Witness) person once your age that married a Witness, her parents made sure they put on a good impression around me, and the double speak of "so he's not a temptation for me coming into the JW." is typical of the entire WTS (and a cult's) mode of operation, their meaning being the opposite, and all the better to not question their motives.

    Let's see, how long have you been a member of a cult? How many years have you spent in a box, the world's colors removed from your eyes, seeing everything and everyone out there as trying to get you, to know what a cult is? I've been there, so has my wife, so have my children. We are no longer part of a world of opposites (that's another thread), but realize feelings of spirituality have nothing to do with religions created, organized and promulgated by men that don't know or care about you.

    In the end, don't think you will continue to question everything after becoming a Witness; there's no tolerance for that.


  • Sirona

    Well it seems to me that you're pretty sure you're going to join anyway, no matter what we say.

    See you in less than 20 years (if you're lucky) sharing your horror stories.


  • GermanXJW

    When I attended a workshop by Dieter Rohmann ( for former cult members, he told us about a couple that once came to him. The man was a member of the New Apostolic Church (biggest non-mainstream church in Germany, end-time believers), the woman was not.

    For the woman is was a major shock to learn, that her boyfriend believed that she was going to die because she was not a member of the NAC. He had never told her.

    I think this is similar in many JW/Non-JW-relationships: the non-JW part may never understand, that their spouse believe that the other person is going to die.

    Either they do not really believe it, they are ashamed of this or they are thinking about a new mate after the big A.

  • joco

    I am 24 and no longer a practicing JW and new to this. I have been in a relationship with a non-jw and it was frustrating, confusing and in the end alot of heartache. Why? Because there were 2 different people, with an attraction, things in common and 2 different faiths.

    Being in a relationship where one is a jw and the other is not, is difficult because if religion is a major part of one's life, it is often what decisions are based upon, including intimate relationships with the opposite sex. For example, in my situation, I was raised as a witness and taught by my parents, who both had been devout Catholics and converted to being jw's, I did not have to accept my parents new faith. I questioned it, i looked at other religions, made comparisons, and then made my own choice. I became a witness, and was such for 6 years. My partner pursed me and i ran, primarily because I knew a relationship with this man would not work because he did not share the same interest in religion as i. But I ended up being with my partner, after i had made the personal decision to no longer be a jw, this was not easy as my family and friends were witnesses.

    Being a witness is a personal choice, it is not just your mind and body involved but your heart (your motives, desires, needs and wants). people are and will be motivated to follow a path in life based upon what they know and feel, this includes life, love and religion. An important thing to remember is this, a jw is not just a jw but is another human (imperfect, as the rest of us), trying to live lives as instructed by God through his word, I looked at the bible the same way as i did letters and emails i receive from family and friends, filled with stories, guidance and advice.


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