Some years ago I myself had dated a JW, needless to say it did not work out. I did not know she was a JW until after the 5th call. On the first lunch date she would not look my way! I figured.."Maybe something's in my nose.?",LOL. After coming back from the bathroom, she would talk to me looking to the left and right. The same thing happened on the dinner date. I then had said to her, "I may not be a JW, but at least as a Christian I can look AT YOU when I'm talking. She had amities to me that she was concerned if anyone for the Kingdom Hall would be in the resultant. We talked on the phone a few times then as time went on I/she never called.
Dating a JW info
Sadly that is frequently the case. The fear of being caught associating with a non-JW is ingrained in JWs. If caught, they can be called on the red carpet (or into the back room) for a talking to and a re-alignment of their thinking.
Yes it is indeed a hard decision to leave the JWs and the family behind
Sorry no one has gotten back to this thread and it has been so long to wait for responses
I was in a relationship with a JW girl for a year and she finally broke it due to the stress, I've been lost the past coulple of weeks. i feel cheated even after the intimate times we shared.
Hi cl330, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out, but if she chose to continue as a JW, it would have resulted in a lot more hardship and friction between the both of you. Give yourself a little time to grieve the loss and get out and meet new people. Best wishes to you.
LOL. I can relate to the quick checks right-and-left. I didn't figure out why my future hubby always found a reason for us to be out-and-about on Saturday mornings. He did it to prevent the local field-service agents to witness the two of us together. He even had me duck down different aisles at the grocery store. He did this for years before I figured it out.
I can be so clueless sometimes.
cl330, sorry to hear about your pain. But I think your GF would have been more cruel to lead you on. We hear about those JW girls here once in a while, you know. They want their man AND they want the KH wedding AND they claim they don't want their man to convert...just study...BUT it never works out that way. The poor man, if he goes with the program, ends up selling his soul.
Because, of course, after study comes baptism, then field service, then "reaching out", and she-can't-bear-to-show-her-face-with-the-other-sisters-until-he's-a-ministerial-servant, then elder...
And STILL they're not happy. Wonder why?
I am a non-practicing Catholic and I am currently engaged to a former JW. She left her faith to be with me and we are both VERY happy and I have no doubts about what I am doing. Her whole family escaped and she was the final one to "get out".
Her ex-husband who is still a Witness, moved on right away and didn't really care about losing her as she was starting to think for herself, he got himself a young and impressionable new wife and she has had no communication with him ever since the divorce was finalized. She is disgusted with the actions of many of the Elders in her former congregation and one actually abused his position to force himself upon her. She has no interest in returning, she is not ready to challenge the hypocracy or to re-enter into that kind of time committment.
We are very happy and enjoy trips to the Casino(which she loves now!), we have regular pre-marital relations and she has even been living with me for two years despite the fact that we are not married yet. Things were tough in the early going, but Jehovah hardly comes up and now is not a part of her life....except for one problem....growing old.
The ONLY part of her former faith that she misses is the idea that she will live on earth in eternal bliss with all of the other people who have chosen to follow the beliefs of the "Jehovah God". Basically she is afraid to get old because she feels that she has nothing to look forward to as she did before. Is there ANYTHING that anyone can think of that can help us with this problem. I have no problem with getting old, she does.
At this site http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/Cults/jw.htm it says...
9. Salvation . JWs claim everlasting life is a reward for doing the will of God and carrying out one's dedication -- in other words, salvation is a reward for good works. (JWs are expected to spend five hours per week in door-to-door visitation and witnessing, are responsible for selling twelve subscriptions to The Watchtower magazine each month, and are responsible for conducting a "Bible study" each month in the homes of their converts.) According to JW theology, a person has one of three possible destinies. The Anointed (144,000) will be in heaven to reign with Jehovah God. The rest of the faithful Jehovah's Witnesses (not of the 144,000) will live forever on a paradise Earth. Both of these classifications are determined to a great extent on membership in the Watchtower organization as well as going door-to-door spreading the message of the Watchtower. Those people who are not members of the Watchtower organization will be destroyed by Jehovah God and cease to exist. There is no concept of eternal punishment or hell in Watchtower theology (Let God Be True, pp. 90-95, 289). They also believe that men will have a second chance, after death, to be saved.
I want to focus on the last line that I bolded, is there actually truth to this....will she have a second chance after death to experience the Eternal Life that she longs for.
I want us to grow old and be happy together, as does she. Please help us out with ANYTHING AT ALL that may help us out with this problem. Thank You!
hi everyone this is my first post and i was just searching the internet looking for some advice about dating a JW when i stumbled upon this site.. i guess i should give a bit of my back story first
well about 5-6 months ago i began talking to this girl thats the same age as i am (a few months older, no biggie) and who i had known for 2 years but hadn't really talked to her all that much up until this point cause well i began to see her more and more because of school and other activities. anyways after about 3 and a half months we had become the best of friends, telling each other everything about anything. along the way i had discovered that she was a JW. now before i continue let me go into a little bit of another relating story.
i am agnostic but i am very religiously tolerant, especially of JWs. my best friend for about 5 years now is a JW (she is currently studying but is not planning on being baptized, mainly in it because of her parents) and so is most of her family (including her two older siblings who i am also good friends with) with which i am acquainted and also good friends are also practicing JWs. i have been over while they were having study and i have also attended Kingdom Hall with them, so i am no stranger to the religion.
anyway, back to my dilemma. so we had become great friends over the course of time and soon enough there began a mutual flirtation in the air between the two of us. so about a month after i was plotting when i should ask her out when to my surprise before i could do anything she asked me out and i was not hesitant to say yes. so we have been going out for awhile now and she has been reluctant to tell her mother about me for fear of being censored from her congregation for dating an agnostic person. the repeated thought of lying to her mother and going to Kingdom Hall as if she is innocent has been bothering her, but she insist that it is not my fault and that she wants to be with me (but her not telling her mother, (knowing her mother will have no choice but to reveal this information to the elders of her congregation)for fear of being censored or facing some other sort of disciplinary action has her feeling somewhat doubtful of the relationship). i know that she is very fond of her faith and her having this feeling of guilt also makes me feel somewhat bad for getting her involved in any of this, as being a very good friend of her i just want the best for her and want her to be happy. besides the issue of her religious guilt poking at her conscious everything else has been great between us with the exception of not getting to see her as much as i wish due to her parents being very strict about who she hangs around with (could be because of the JW background of just very over protective parenting.. possibly a combination of both) but all else has been smooth sailing
i was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me cause i still tend to feel bad about her feeling guilty and i certainly don't want her to be censored or anything of that sort as i am very understanding of her religious practices and wouldn't want her to be penalized because of me. what am i to do!?
any advice is greatly appreciated =D (if you need anything else clarified to help out lemme know ill willingly oblige)
I am a former JW, born and raised.
I don't see why there is an issue with dating a JW, as they are NOT ALLOWED to date "worldly" people, not even supposed to have friends that are not "in the faith", believe me I know,,,having been disfellowshipped 3 times.
Tell me that that doesn't get rid of them at my door! They look like Satan himself was standing there, terrified and run! Quite entertaining though.
Boy, sorry you guys! Three newbies in a row, and no responses. I'll try and make it up to you.
Athiest: They also believe that men will have a second chance, after death, to be saved. I want to focus on the last line that I bolded, is there actually truth to this....will she have a second chance after death to experience the Eternal Life that she longs for.
Yes, that is true. She will have a chance to be resurrected as well, and make her choice, as long as she dies before Armageddon arrives. At least that is the current teaching as far as I am aware. I tease my husband with visions of both of us enjoying paradise earth. I imagine we'll have a banana tree and a small white dog, because he enjoys both. We will have lots and lots of flowers, because that is what I love. Interestingly, JW's rarely indulge in such visions, because they secretly fear they are not worthy. I consider it part of my domestic duty to give my husband a little peace of mind. You might be able to do the same.
Kabukiman: i know that she is very fond of her faith and her having this feeling of guilt also makes me feel somewhat bad for getting her involved in any of this,... besides the issue of her religious guilt poking at her conscious everything else has been great between us with the exception of not getting to see her as much as i wish due to her parents being very strict about who she hangs around with ...i was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me cause i still tend to feel bad about her feeling guilty and i certainly don't want her to be censored or anything of that sort as i am very understanding of her religious practices and wouldn't want her to be penalized because of me. what am i to do!?
I feel for you man, because your girlfriend is living a double life and denying it. She really hasn't sorted out her feelings why she is drawn to you and why she is delaying baptism. She is not honest with herself or her parents. Until she gets that sorted out, you will have to live in this strange limbo. I think the healthiest thing to do is get her to confront her reasons for delaying baptism. Are there lurking doubts about what the society can do for her? If she manages to work this out, you must be prepared to face the consequences. If she chooses the society, she may dump you.
But it's better than living in limbo. And it is WAY better than getting heavily involved, marry her, have children, and THEN have her dump you for the society.
tl:I don't see why there is an issue with dating a JW, as they are NOT ALLOWED to date "worldly" people, not even supposed to have friends that are not "in the faith"
You'd think! But JW's do it on the sly all the time. You should know, you've been DF'd three times! Me, I'm a non-Witness married to a JW. All through our dating years, my future husband lied to the elders about me. He even claimed I was his sister!
Ah, the things we do for love...
jgnat: She is not delaying baptism, she was baptized 5-6 years ago (if it was by parental force or by choice i do not know) and I told her on repeated occasions that if us going out would in anyway interfere with her religious affiliations i would understand her wanting to end the relationship in its early stages. So far it has been almost 2 months and things have been great. We both acknowledged the fact that the relationship should not be but both do not want to end it. WE even poke fun at that fact every now and then, but it seems to not be affecting the relationship status all that much. I've remained supportive of her decisions within the JW faith, even helping her arrange a few skits she had to perform for her congregation. It seems that the previous issue has become a non-issue overtime.. but i presume that only time will tell?