Dating a JW info

by Lady Lee 115 Replies latest social relationships

  • Xyron

    Some people tend to be motivated by their own opinions and experiences you can't always trust what people are telling you. Especially on the internet....considering there's no obligation to tell the truth since they'll likely never ever meet you or have to deal with any consequences. If your beliefs and your boyfriend's beliefs differ I suggest you get several different bibles of different translations and do some digging. Lay out points where you all can't agree and see what the bible has to say about it.

    I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I'm not suggesting that you consult the watchtower or reasoning book, I'm suggesting the opposite. If you want an untainted opinion you can't read bible literature because that's what it opinion. Read the bible and draw your own conclusions. If you don't believe in the bible or religion in general I don't know what to tell you. If you're agnostic/atheist then I suggest you start by going over a lot of information in the area of evolution. Look for inconsistencies and places where they contradict one another or skip explaining something because it can't be explained appropriately. If you feel that evolution isn't true then life had to get here somehow so that narrows things down to about 50million religions that teach some sort of creationism.

    I believe you mentioned being catholic earlier though so I take it you believe in god and the bible. Considering that though, I can't fathom why you would abhor the witnesses so badly. I would comment on my feelings about the Catholic religion but somehow I think the free exchange of opinions would be strongly discouraged here unless it consists of "Jehovah's Witnesses suck! Nyaaahhhh!!!!"

    If you're wondering how a Jehovah's Witness managed to end up here, I was reading some information about the scientologists to see what they believe in. I'd heard of them before and seen stars like John Travolta on TV profess to be one but didn't really know anything about them. Since most things I'd read seemed to point to the religion being an money grubbing cult I decided to do a google search for lists of cults and when looking over the first one I clicked on Jehovah's Witnesses poped up so I decided to click out of sheer curiosity and ended up at this forum.

  • Jssyooo

    The man I am seeing is JW. I don't know where to begin other than to say I am not JW. It hasn't been a problem but I'm wondering if it will be. He would rather ignore this fact, but I don't want to adress this issue later when it grows bigger. We will be married someday. It's something we've always known and isn't a question. We have worked so far because I accept that he is JW, and encourage his beliefs. I am christian, and I think his faith is amazing, and wouldn't want him to not be JW. I think it has given him great morals and turned him into a wonderful person. I don't want to become JW however, because I don't believe in one true religion and I know JW do. I would be open to attending church or 'meetings' with him and even bringing along our future children. I will not however let go of holidays, refuse to save my life or my child's life by taking a blood transfusion, or ever agree that the JW are the one true religion. He knows all of this, and has only said he wishes I felt different or understood more but that he accepts that that is how I feel. But I'm scared of the problems my opposition to his JW traditions might eventually cause. After reading through your site, and posts, often you have said that JW try to hide "worldy gfs" but my man hasn't and I have never even heard of this term. I know his family discourages us becoming serious, but he does not care. I also have read that JW will put their church first, I would understand if he put his faith and beliefs first, but he hasn't put his church before me ever. I'm getting worried though now that this might come out later, and that right now we are really just experiencing a 'honeymoon' type bliss. I just need some advice. Am I lucky to have found a JW who can respect my beliefs and that I can respect theirs? Or are we just sort of biding time? Anyone with experience in making it work?

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    On his own your man may be OK with letting things slide. If his family is not especially strong they may let it slide too. But be warned. As soon as the elders know he is serious about marring a non-JW they will be at him to drop you or convert you.

    If you seem tolerant now and not out-right opposed to his beliefs he (and his family) may have hope of you converting.

    Expect that once he is married his religion WILL come before your beliefs in all matters. Expect that while you may celebrate holidays he won't because he is not allowed. And he won't be allowed to let his children go to others churches or celebrate what they term "pagan" holidays. Expect that the elders will be on his case to make sure he conforms.

    If the issue of blood transfusion expect the elders to show up at the hospital to make sure their views are made known and enforced.

    Expect the elders to interfere in your marriage at every problem and issue you confront.

    If he does not conform to the pressures put on him he will be marked as a bad JW and could be shunned by other JWs and his family.

    JWs take this stuff very seriously. The elders believe that it is their God-given right to interfere and make sure the JWs beliefs come first.

    Can it be done? Yup but not without a lot of heartache.

  • NewLight2


    My advice to you is: Run like He** away from this man.

    Stick around this site and learn more about how damaging the JW Cult can be to a 'mixed marriage'. Be advised that the JW's do not tell the whole truth about what they really believe to 'outsiders'. Even those who are converts to this religion do not realize until AFTER their baptism just how restricting and controlling this cult is.

    Did you know that JW's are encouraged to spy on their 'brothers and sisters' and report any infraction of the rules to the elders?

    Do you realize that any future children you and he have could be 'required to die for Jehovah' by refusing a blood tranfusion? This is true even if YOU oppose your JW husband in this matter. The JW's consider HIM the 'head of household' and therefore he would be expected to follow the rules and refuse blood for his child. Your wishes would be disregarded.

    Do you realize that if the elders think that you are hindering your husband's progress in the religion by discussing oppossing viewpoints with him, the elders will 'encourage' your husband to leave you on the grounds of 'spiritual endangerment'?

    This is only the tip of the ugly iceburg that you will be facing if you marry a JW.


  • leliae

    A lot of this is really interesting advice...

    I'm currently going through a situation related to this.

    I'm a sophomore in college, and an art major. A guy (we'll call him Jon) I had become friends with through so many similar interests introduced me to some of his friends, one of which who asked me if I wanted to go to their "church" and she explained that they're Jehovah's Witnesses. At the time I had decided that I wanted to find a religion of my own and I wasn't going to turn any opportunities down. Jon and I became pretty close and I had a mad crazy crush on him. We're so much alike in personalities and interests, and I'm very attracted to him and who he is. I began going to the meetings and found that I really liked what I saw. I asked Jon and his friends many questions, got them answered, and just about everything made perfect sense to me as far as the JW beliefs go. Jon and I became even closer, spending a lot of time together and talking a lot through emails and on the phone. I received an email that was meant to go to the girl friend of his, telling her that he needs to stop spending time with me. This hurt, but he finally came out and explained to me that he has very strong feelings for me, but he has to back away because he can't date me. We talked more and more about this, decided to kind of "work together against each other" but we didn't want to give up on what we have. I can honestly say I know I won't find someone else like him, and he feels the very same way. In short, I have become more interested in the Witnesses and began studying last week. I feel that the JW are right for me and my personal beliefs. Unfortunately, just about everyone who has seen me and Jon together has been able to figure out that we have feelings for one another. Even his parents. His mom told him that we must stop seeing each other, so that I can come into being a JW on my own for the right reasons, because this scenario is very common, supposedly. It's been almost a week since Jon and I have talked or seen each other, and it's incredibly difficult, as we became very close in such a short time. I feel like, in a perfect world, that he and I will be together if I become a Witness, and that places a lot of pressure on me. But I feel I am doing this for the right reasons, without his influence on my decision to study and eventually become a Witness unelss something turns me away (and I haven't encountered anything yet to do that).

    I just thought I'd share my story and I'd really appreciate anyone thoughts on this... I don't want to back away, because I feel something very, very strong with Jon, but this pain will continue for a long time until I become a Witness, if I do. And if I don't... I don't even want to think of that.

  • 4JWY

    Hi leliae - Welcome!

    this pain will continue for a long time until I become a Witness, if I do. And...if I don't...I don't even want to think of that.

    I must tell you that your pain will continue for a LONGER time if you convert to JW either for/or not for him.

    My now husband had met me while I was lifer JW, ten years into our marriage he did end up converting, and 15 years later we have both RUN for our sanity and happiness together till the day we die.

    There are many fish in the sea so keep the line out there for a better catch. (or, find the sense here to share with him).


  • leliae

    thanks, 4JWY. If it gets to that point, in which I see the same faults I hear of in the JW (but haven't seen for myself yet), I may be able to make him see these as well, as he is very smart and I can tell even he isn't as strong of a JW as others I've seen.

    I'm having so many conflicting thoughts right now... gah.

  • EvilForce

    I can honestly say I know I won't find someone else like him, and he feels the very same way.

    Not to demean what you said, but you are only 18 years old and just now striking out on your own in a relationship. I'm sure we have all said / felt similar things when we were your age. But I can honestly say.... I'm sure you can/will find someone just like him or actually better than him if you keep searching. His love is not unconditional. He can only love you and be with you if you convert to his cult. Leave now! The pain will be intense but short.

    My 2 cents....sorry.

  • 4JWY

    .....when we were engaged to be married, my husband's Lutheran pastor had given him a book on CULTS to hopefully convince him not to marry a JW, cult follower. He left the book at my apartment, with a note, and moved out all his stuff that he'd been moving in slowly. He had decided to call off our marriage until he could think things through more regarding our differences in faith.

    Well, two months later, we did get married and our only difficulties those first years were related to the JW/vs. non JW issues, most of which I believe have been mentioned somewhere along the way on this long thread, so I won't reiterate them all.

    Several years later, once two baby boys had arrived on the scene, my husband took the JW plunge into baptism and cult life. All in the name of having a "unified family".

    Once these babies were growing and developing their thinking abilities, ( ie: normal brain development) , it became clear that this was a NO-NO in the JW faith. We were instructed continuously that they were to be MOLDED and SHAPED in the cult life, and personalities put on hold, stunted, shut down from developing normally. Our eyes finally opened to the destructiveness of this way of life, the harm being caused to our children that could last their lifetime. With the help of our youngest, in seeing these truths, we were able to salvage our lives together as a family and get out.

    Please consider seriously all that you have read here. It's a topic that touches us deeply as you can see from the number of times the thread has been viewed. (14, 399)


  • leliae

    Hm. But, just from what I've observed from apostates comments on why they left the JW are for personal reasons, and a lot of those reasons have to do with the halls they attend and the elders there being more imposing then they really should be... As with any religion, there will be faults in the interpretation from each individual and how they conduct themselves as a follower of such religion. So far, the hall I have been attending has shown nothing but lieniency and understanding, especially seeing how my peers act. I dunno. I just have had no reason to feel that the JW is a cult. I've seen nothing cult-ish so far.

    But, to stay on the topic, I have been thinking over this a lot. I know because I am only 18 years old I might seem to young to feel what I do, but I can assure you that I am more mature than what my age says for me, as is the guy I'm involved with. And, so far, the JW are far more fitting for my own beliefs in a Christian religion and I continue to be amazed with their approach. My biggest concern is the Watchtower and it's authority, as well as the foundation of the religion with Charles Taze Russell.

    Anyway, I'll take those concerns somewhere else, but I'm having trouble asking my JW friends about my concerns. They aren't giving me the full story. The only one who was accessing my doubts was Jon, the guy that I'm interested in, and understanding why I think the way I do. And now we can't see or speak to each other. I'm just not sure if this approach is the best thing for us. He's the only one I feel I can trust to talk to about my thoughts on the JW, but we can't even communicate anymore. Plus, it's making it harder for me because I want to be with him. Gah.

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