Dating a JW info

by Lady Lee 115 Replies latest social relationships

  • M.J.

    Sounds like you're getting somewhere. I'm glad. Since you guys are looking at what various spiritual guides have to offer, perhaps this may be a way to bring up the question: "In our search for understanding, what is it about human guides, in general, that one should be cautious about?"

    In answer to this question (if he likes to read), my thought is perhaps to purchase two copies of Steven Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control" (one for each of you) and present it to him as being a book that is widely recognized as outlining key criteria by which to evaluate teachers and organizations, religious or not. It describes one key reason certain organizations, like the International Churches of Christ, Scientology, the Moonies, The Way, Landmark Forum, etc., fall under harsh criticizm. Say the book has nothing to do with religious discussions or doctrines or criticizing the Jehovah's Witnesses. In fact, it makes no mention Jehovah's Witnesses or the Watchtower Society at all. Try to convince him that it would be very enlightening as you both are evaluating things. If he shows no interest, in any case it would be very valuable for you to read. But if he does agree to read it, it would be a good launching point for many good discussions that have nothing to do with doctrine.

    Any thoughts on this idea from others?

  • MM090503

    Sadly getting him to read a book is hard. He doesn't have time (since he is a farmer he works literally sun up to sun down and then some) plus he really doesn't read. I tried to get him to read a 100pg easy book called "More than just a carpenter". It was a very good book about who Jesus was. I couldn't even get him to read that. I would like to read it but none of the bookstores seem to offer that book or libraries for that matter. Unfortuently my reading has been put on hold because of school, I have way too much reading to do as it is :(. Thanks for the idea anyways though!

    I had a pretty good idea I think. I am going to have my friends, family memembers, and his friends write encouraging letters to him. The letters do not have to have anything about religion in them. I just want to show him there are good people who are not JWs who REALLY care for him. The alpha course has a retreat day halfway through and after that day is over Im going to give him the letters. So we will see how that goes.

    Again I apperciate EVERYONE on this board. You guys have been so great and helpful to me.

  • M.J.

    FYI: I supplied the link for ordering the book in my post. It is available from Anyway, one last piece of advice I could definitely give is to have him agree with you that the things you discuss should stay between you two. Have him agree not to go running to anyone else and blab to them what you are discussing.

  • jgnat

    Good to hear from you, MM. I am glad at least that you are benefitting from Alpha. You sound a little more chipper than last time we chatted. Perhaps, coming to terms with your choices, is a big part of the battle. I hope all is going well with your studies.

  • MM090503

    Hey Everyone,

    Things are fine. We are continuing with the Alpah Course. I am persuading my bf to move out of the farm and hopefully he will. I think he may also stop the JW thing for now because he is starting to get confused with both religions, so I have asked him to stop going until we finish the course.

    People there have been really awsome to us both. Even though my bf has not revealed that he is studying with the Jw, which bothers me a little. I figure he has to do it in his own time. But I will keep you all posted on how it goes.


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I am so glad it is continuing to go well. And definitely let him disclose at his own pace. When he does he may be surprised at how open the group is and accepting.

  • MM090503

    Hey Everyone,

    Sorry it has been so long since I last posted, school has really been busy. Here's an update on what's going on.-

    This weekend coming up is the Alpha Retreat. They are doing it all in one day, on sat. from 9-5. I am going for sure, but not sure if my bf is going because of work. He said he'd try his best. I'm hoping he does because I think this weekend will be benefical.

    A couple of things-

    At the Alpha course this past weekend, they asked us to say one thing we were thankful for. My bf said for getting his life straigtned out. I'm hoping this was a good thing and he meant with this religious deal. I have yet to ask him, but will ask him soon. Then on Sweetest day he gave me a card and wrote in it he has realized what a wonderful person I am when it comes to our religious adventure, he thanked me for not giving up on him when I easily could and he also said we would get through this and later on wonder why we made such a big deal out of this. I also saw that my bf picked up at the library a world dictionary to the bible, so I think he may be starting to do his own research finally. These are all good things right?

    He has yet to fully stop going to meetings and book studies, although I'm going to approach him with this again, this weekend. We have talked about attending the Christian church where we go to Alpha course on Suns. I told him I am giving up my religion to do this and he can give up his to do it with me. I told him we can always go back to both of our religions eventually, but I want to try it for atleast 6months. I try my best not to pressure him with this, I want it to be his decision. My friends and family memebers have all written letters to him which I plan to give him this weekend after the retreat.

    His birthday is two weeks from today. I plan on telling him with the holidays coming up and all that he is spending them here with my family. I'm going to tell him he is not a witness yet and I will not let him forget his birthday or any holiday for that matter. I want him to be able to spend the holidays with a real loving family to see what they mean to me.

    I am doing better. I try not to let this stuff get to me too much. I have stopped doing JW research for the time being because it scares me and depresses me to know what he is learning and getting into. It also affects my school work and I am trying my best to concentrate on that.

    One thing I do have a question for is. What can he and I do after the Alpha Course? I want to find things we can get involved in and learn more about Christainity. I'm afraid if we dont' continue something, we won't have anything. We have been talking about reading the bible together and we got a couple of different "read the bible in a year forms" so we might do that. But I want to keep us in some kind of program where we can learn, any ideas?

    Thanks MM

  • Gerard

    Other than telling a person to RUN:

    • What do you think a person (who knows nothing about the JWs) needs to know if they are getting involved with a JW.

    That a JW will make no compromises for the couple/family. A JW's first priority will remain the WT, and his/her behaviour dictated by the WT as well.

    • What would be helpful to them to end things before they get further involved?

    Read and study about the mind-control this religion has over the JWs. I'd direct them to the article collection at such as:

    "Watchtower Psychology":


    • What will help them if they decide to go further and marry this JW?

    To be aware of the very real possibility of shunning and family breakup:

    "Restoring Family":

    • What challenges would a non-JW woman have if she gets involved with the JW man?

    Endless limitations to her intelectual, familiar and spiritual freedom.

    • What about having children and the struggles that will develop from that?

    Have them read "Kids in the WT": and similar articles showing how JW lawyers lie in court.

  • scoobiesnack

    hey all,

    This is my first time posting here. When I was reading through the topics and saw this, I just had to respond. My name is alan and i dated a Jehovah's Witness for a couple years off and on, long distance. This is my story and I hope that it will help someone else who is going through the same thing, realize that there is a light at the end of a tunnell and that God does work through all situations. I am not sure how many here believe in God, but this scripture helped me alot looking back, its romans 8:28 which basically says that all things turn out for good for those who love God.

    I was raised in a Jewish home, yet never really believed in God. I was bar-mitzvah at 13, yet still was more athiest/agnostic than anything else. At 19, I met a woman online who i fell for. This was in the beginning of 1999. At this time, I had yet to have a girlfriend so this woman meant alot to me. She lived in NYC and I in L.A. For the first few months I didn't know she was a JW, until one night when I went online and saw her on,and I located her and found her in a JW chat room. I then called and asked why she was in there, and then she told me how she was a witness, as well as all of her family. She then told me we had to stop talking since I was not a JW. Well being that this was the first girl i cared for, it broke my heart. She had become my joy, and therefore I lost it when she told me we couldn't talk any longer. At that moment I decided to study with the witnesses if it meant I could keep talking to her. She said that would be good but it wouldn't change the fact that we couldn't talk. I then began days of sadness thinking i couldn't talk toher again. Eventually, we started talking a few days later and I went into the local kingdom hall to study. I began my book study with one of the elders and started the knowledge book. We continued talking, however every few days she said we couldn't talk any longer, so this caused me to always be stressed thinking this was it. Yes, it was long distance, and I had never met her, but you tell a 19 year old that it wasn't real and see what happens. I finally ended up meeting her in June of 1999 in Arizona when she went to visit her cousin. She hadn't told her family about me and therefore they didn't know she was going to meet me. While in Arizona, we were sexually active, doing everything but intercourse. I was happy and so was she, or so I thought.

    The following day, before all three of us were going to goto the Grand Canyon, she began to close up and not talk to me. She wouldn't even hold my hand, well this destroyed me. I didn't know what was going on. This happend for the next 3 days, with the day before we left, she totally closed up. Turned out she told me she would have brather been there with a man in her congregation she liked although she never told. This destroyed me and i was ready to never speak to her again. We went our seperate ways and I thought that would be it.

    I got home, and by this time my family knew i was studying with the witnesses. My mom cried when I told her and my dad had very hard time. However they let me continue.I continued my studies for a year. Our relationship continued, always being up or down. I was either ecstatic on cloud 9 or depressed. If she told me she loved me, I WAS HAPPYYYYYYYYY, if she didn't I was ohhh so sad. We probably "broke up" 25 times during the year. Eventually, she told her mom and dad about me, and finally told the elders and her parents what we did in arizona. She said because SHE HAD TO, all the details of what we did. She was reproofed for this, losing all of her privlidges. Well eventually i went to visit her the following july in NY and i met her family. Suprisingly her dad was awsome. He took me out driving one day and told me that i was a good guy and whatever happened before was water under the bridge and that he was glad to have me there. Her mom on the other hand gave me the cold shoulder all week. Eventually my girl once again shut down a few days before I left, when we wentupstate to visit her grandparents, she told me we couldn't be together. Then I overherad her telling her uncle she didn't love me. Well, I went home a few days later and again though that was it. She called me at work one night and said she was pregnant which was impossible since we never had intercourse. Eventually she retook the test and it came back negative, I took this as a sign from God saying if we kept fooling around, something would happen.

    Well i continued studying, until august of 2000. I stopped studying and instead, i began praying for a few months and reading the word. Eventually I was shown in the word that Jesus wasn't an angel but rather God incarnate. I then got baptized as a bible believin believer in jesus. While studying with the witnesses, I began to believe in God, not for her but for myself. So my new faith in Jesus was real. When she heard that i got baptized, she couldn't believe it and stopped talking to me at all for quite some time. However, we started talking again in early 2001. Eventually she came to see me give my first sermon at church which was an amazing thing for her to do, even telling her family that she was goinig. However, our time like the previous ones, were cut short by her closing up on me after an incident when she took off a cross i was wearing when we were lying down. Well, she went back to NY and i really believed that was it. That week I knew that God would show me whether we had a chance or not and he showed that we didn't.

    Well, that was 2 years ago. Since then, i graduated college, and began going to seminary to be a pastor. I met a woman who instead of debating me in the different areas of our faith we disagreed in, she prayed for me. We are both born again and her parents are pastors. We have been dating for a year and a half and on xmas day i am going to propose to her to marry me. I love her more than i have ever loved anyone because we have grown so much together, fighting for one another and letting God work out our issues. I will be 25 in a week and so much has changed since the day i met the jehovah's witness.

    God has taken me on this road and I wouldn't have changed anything about it. The witness is still in NY, and although having some tough times in her life as a witness, she is still one none the less. I don't know if she will ever leave since all of her family are witnesses. Her grandparents were put on the cover of the WT for being the perfect married couple. I hope she leaves and is able to walk in the fullness of the grace of God.

    I hope this story has helped someone, thank you for your time,


  • Piensu


    If you're dating the son of a JW who has already been "studying" for a year, one suggestion might be for you to get a copy of the book Crisis of Conscience written by Raymond Franz, a former member of the Governing Body (at the WT Society), and nephew of former WT Prez Fred Franz. He was involved in the inner workings of this cult and he left due to a "crisis of conscience", regarding the constantly changing teachings of this cult as well as how the "leadership" didn't care one iota about how THEIR decisions (not based upon Bible principles) adversely affected millions of lives of the members who tried to follow THEIR rules!

    If your b/f would read it (they're not allowed to read anything that is "apostate" or says anything negative about their religion/cult/organization) it would provide a real Eye Opener for him of this mind-control cult. I don't look at it as apostate writing, I consider it an autobiography of Raymond Franz, and a very worthy, high-quality, informative autobiography!!!! Out of 5 stars, I give it a 10-star rating! VERY worthwhile reading!!! Even if your b/f won't read it, then you should..... then you'll realize that you need to get as far away from him and that cult as possible!

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