Im sick of my life
Please take to heart what prologos already said. If you can't wait it out until aduthood, then consider what berry gerry said.
Please stop fearing that your parents may shun you. Yes, they may. But you can do what is best for you then. If that happens, and even if not, you will need to develop new relations outside of that cult.
Thank you all for your kind comments. I'm not going back to public school even though I would like to because I'm already mostly done with my homeschool program but hopefully after that I can take some college classes or something.
Mostly I fear disappointing my parents because we've always been close and their all I've got but hopefully one day they will wake up and we can all be happy again. The watchtower can't last forever, at least that's what I'm going to tell myself.
Sit down and talk to your parents calmly about the thoughts you've share with us or put them in a letter that they can read without anyone arguing or getting emotional.
You: Mom...Dad....you know how the Societies publications are always stressing that we live a balanced life? (show a few examples if you want, search the word "balanced" on JW.org or the Watchtower CD'd)
Parents: Yes...that's right.
You: Well I need your help with something.
Parents: Oh....with what?
You: I feel as if I've been putting Jehovah first in my life, meetings, service, assemblies, reading and studying and I'm even being home schooled but I feel as if I'm not living a balanced life....something's missing.
Parents: Oh...like what.
You: Please don't get the wrong idea but I think my life, as good as it is thanks to you, may be a little bit overboard on the religious side of things. I'm afraid I'm not developing enough as an individual. I'm worried that my lack of outside interests and contact with others, may make it difficult to adjust to being an adult in a few years. Hopefully the new system will be here but we can't be 100% sure that it will be so I need to be sure and prepare for that in case it happens.
Right now I spend X amount of hours at meetings, X hours in service, X hours in travel back and forth to meetings and service, X hours studying and X hours at assemblies. I would like to spend and equal amount of time in my own personal interests and looking into other things other than religion or being around people who are also involved in my religion. You've always stressed the importance of my spiritual upbringing but it's starting to worry me that I won't be able to take it anymore. I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those kids who just bolts as soon as they get old enough because they're burned out after having a childhood full of nothing but religious activities. I've been taught that Jehovah is going to destroy the wicked world soon and me along with it if I don't do enough. I'm still a kid and I feel as if I'm carrying around the worries of the world. I feel bad because I know I'm supposed to be obedient to my parents and I'm supposed to have joy in our service to Jehovah but right now it's getting to be too much.
Can you help me figure out how to get things in balance so that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do but I still get to have a childhood that I can look back on where I was allowed to be free of the worries of the world and experience and learn things that I won't be able to as easily or won't ever have the chance to once I'm older?
Parents: What do you have in mind?
You: These are my interests A._ B._ C._
I need time each week to pursue these interest. I need to be around people my own age more often. I don't mean other JW kids who only talk to me because I happen to go to the same religious gathering their parents are making them go to. I mean kids who share the same interests as I do and who like me because of who I am and who aren't constantly evaluating my worth as a person, based on how good they think my relationship with Jehovah is. I need time to lay on my back and look up at the clouds and not worry whether or not God is going to kill me because I'm wasting time rather than spending it out in service or studying.
I need time on my own to find out who I am and what I think about things...not what others tell me I should think about things. It's not healthy to go around keeping myself in check all the time. I need you not to be shocked and horrified if my own thoughts,ideas or plans for myself don't necessarily agree with yours.
Anyway....you get the idea. Make sure they know you aren't being rebellious or want to run off with some a retro-grunge band or someting. All you're asking for is a little balance and a little more say so in your own life. This has been a sore spot with teens and parents, long before you came onto the scene but you've got the complicated JW aspect thrown into the mix. Hopefully they are reasonable and will see your side of things. Don't be surprised if they had no clue that you feel as strongly as you do about this. Sometimes we can't see things even if they are right under our noses.
feel like that will never happen because I'm so afraid.
Do not worry about things you cannot do right now, but you know you can accomplish your dreams some point later in your life. Follow your dreams, and make them to happen. You have your goal, what you want to do and this is a great thing. When I left WT, I did not completed my B.S. until I was 30 and people were already secured in their careers and job path. Believe in yourself and make your dream to come true. Going to college is a great start and will open your horizon to so many new ideas.
Thanks everybody for the advice. Pete zahut i like the letter idea, I might do it sometime if I build up the courage.
I remember how hard it was to tell my wife that ibdidnt believe in the WTS and then to face my other family members. And I was a grown man with a family, job and car. I can't even imagine the stress you are going through. All I can say is feel free to vent here anytime you want.
Try to find the small things where you can exercise some personal freedom and enjoyment. Your life has meaning and you deserve to be happy! You deserve to be happy!
Depending on how old you are , at a guess I would think mid-teens , you have your whole life ahead of you , learn to play the game .Do minimal "theocratic" activities as you can get away with ," female issues" are a good excuse , pursue your interests on the side if possible , either through the internet , the local Library ,etc.
But be prepared to face in the future if your parents did disown you simply because you wanted out of the religion , do they really "love" you ?,Do they have your interest at heart ? or are they just trying to save face in a corrupt organization ,that does not have your interest at heart.
If that is all you mean to them ,then maybe you are better off without them .This might sound harsh but I speak from experience .
My D.I.L. who is a wonderful woman , left the religion nearly twenty years ago , and her parents siblings will have nothing to do with her ( and they are not the ideal J.W.`s either I might add ) and in my view they don`t deserve her , it is their loss not hers.
I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do .
As a side point. It amazes me how an organization is so focused on proselytism, and yet dose very little to find out why 2/3 of their youth is leaving. Just baffling really.
Howdy blackwolf.l was the black sheep in the family during my teens even burnt the bible when l was 9 in rebellion to my elder father.l hated the meetings and was so relieved when he said l no longer have to go when l turned 15.Looking back it wasnt so bad.Had a warm bed food tv etc.When one considers the billions of people that are malnourished and living in poverty things could be a lot worse for you.lt wont always be like it is at the moment.There is light at the end of the tunnel.Try and make the most of your youth and keep positive.Your mum and dad do love you and they are only doing what they feel is best for you even though you dont see it that way.Time will pass quicker than you think especially if you can preoccupy yourself doing stuff you like doing.Theres always somone to talk to in here day and night.You will be happy one day just hold on.