Im sick of my life

by BlackWolf 73 Replies latest jw friends

  • talesin

    Giordano, that's an excellent one, 'mindful meditation'. That's actually a very ancient Buddhist type of meditation, eyes can be open or closed. You can repeat any word, actually (mine is 'thinking'), and it also helps to focus on the breath in 3 stages, lungs, diaphragm, belly, (slowly through nostrils) and breath out (mouth). Focus on what you hear, smell, feel, etc. and whenever thoughts / mind starts racing, repeat the word. xx

  • dubstepped
    I just wanted to chime in to give you a huge hug and tell you to bide your time. Well that and I'd like to kick your parents on the teeth for their isolating, horrible, unhealthy, and narcissistic treatment of you. My wife's parents kept her from TV, school, the computer, friends, just about anything and everything. It's sickening to me, which is why I've read but not commented so far. You're a brave and lovely girl that deserves better.
  • Heaven

    Black Wolf ... wow, horseback riding lessons and maybe going to art camp?

    My parents wouldn't let me do either of these things so I am very happy for you if you can do both!

    I finally took some riding lessons a few years ago. I loved it!

  • BlackWolf

    I mostly like to draw and paint with watercolor or acrylic. I've done some sculpting before but I'm actually really bad at it.

    I've tried to meditate before but it just makes me more anxious. I have a hard time focusing on anything even if it is nothing at all. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong though?

    The only reason I've been allowed to do horseback riding lessons is because I've begged for years and years (my dad hates horses) and I only get to do them now because I pay for them myself. I think if it doesn't cost them anything and I'm not getting too close to "worldly" people my parents don't mind. But no matter how many hobbies I try to occupy myself with I still feel painfully lonely deep down, I just try and convince myself that one day I will find a friend that actually likes the real me and not the jw me.

  • dubstepped
    Blackwolf, I like the Calm app that is free for your phone. It is some good guided meditations. My brain naturally races and I've named myself "Mr. Anxiety" at points in my life, but meditation is really good. It isn't about ridding your mind of thoughts, but rather separating yourself from them and watching them go by as an impartial observer. It really helps you realize that you are not your thoughts. They're just a train passing by. If you get distracted, just go back to paying attention to your breathe or whatever. It kind of takes you out of your head.
  • flipper

    BLACKWOLF- You've had many great suggestions here from many of these wonderful folks I'm honored to call my friends on this board. I was born and raised in the JW organization as well and didn't exit until age 44 about 12 years ago. Some of my nieces and nephews ( by JW siblings kids ) got out of the Witnesses and got great college educations and even online training as well and ended up having happier, more fulfilling lives.

    You can do this as well ! I know it's very difficult right now not being able to be in control of your own life - it seems you have very deeply indoctrinated JW parents who aren't too open minded - my dad was an elder for years so I know what it feels like to be controlled too. But please know and be assured that we here really do care about what happens to you and only wish happiness for you and the freedom of expression that you deserve in life. Hang in there my friend, keep on keeping on in your interests of horses, art, and educating yourself via the online suggestions folks here gave you and hopefully within a couple years when you turn 18 you can be free to make most of your own decisions on how you want to spend your time in life without the restrictions of the mind control being put on you by your parents and the WT Society. Take care and good luck to you, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Heaven
    Black Wolf, are you currently working on an art painting/project? If not, perhaps it would be a good time to start one. It could be added to your portfolio. Since you love horses, have you done any drawings or paintings of them? How about one of your current mount when you take your lessons?
  • Giordano

    Black Wolf........ Heaven's suggestion is excellent!

    Look at painter Susan Rothenberg's horses.

    Click on View Images and have some fun! The simplicity of the images will be helpful, the emotion is transcending.

  • BlackWolf
    Thanks for showing me! I'm not usually that into abstract but I like those horses. Horses are what I'm best at drawing actually. My favorite equine artists are George Stubbs and Marine Oussedik. I draw or paint basically everyday so I always have some kind of project but anyways I'm getting off topic. Thank you everybody very much for your kind comments and advice, it has really helped motivate me to not give up. :)
  • Heaven

    Black Wolf, both George Stubbs and Marine Oussedik are excellent artists. There are many, many awesome, talented illustrators.

    I love Kim McElroy, Leslie Harrison, Donna Green, Gladys Brown Edwards, C.W. Anderson, Wesley Dennis, Sam Savitt, Sveltana Novikova, Marcia Baldwin, Judy Larsen, Bev Doolittle, Robert Bateman, Carl Brenders, Lydia Kiernan ... um, just to name a few. ;0)

    Something you can try... this will take practice but if you do it every time you have bad thoughts, you eventually get into the habit and it helps shift your mood a lot...

    Every time you have a bad thought, IMMEDIATELY start thinking of things that give you joy and happiness... one of my things is horses (of course) but also Baskin and Robbins Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream, Music that uplifts me (example Katrina and the Waves 'Walking on Sunshine' or Walk the Moon's 'Shut Up and Dance'). Also try doing a physical exercise. You could dance to some music. Or do something like 10 jumping jacks or lifting some weights (you don't have to have official weights... a jug of laundry detergent or water will do) or go outside and go for a walk or jog.

    Don't listen to this religion's doom and gloom. It's a pile of crap. Every negative connection your brain makes, it needs at least 12 positive connections to negate the one negative one. Force your brain to make positive connections. Just Do It, Wolfy! :0)

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