Im sick of my life
This would be a great way to build up a skill and then get a job that may allow you to move out when you're old enough and support yourself while you continue your education in some form or fashion.
I concur with The Listener, et. al., and know from personal experience that learning skills like that can help you support yourself. Excellent suggestion!
Apparently your parents are trying to isolate you from worldly association I am sure this is out of love and fear. And since you didn't mention it probably any weekly therapy and expect meetings, field service, prayer and bible study will heal you.
My sister experienced a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized for a week or two when she was 18. They recommended a therapist to follow up but Mom's JW mindset made her reluctant to get her that kind of counseling other then enforcing a strict schedule of JW activities. It took her a while like 2 or 3 years to get back to normal.
Considering your present feelings and past experiences I think you really need to talk to your parents........now......... and tell them how you feel.
By the way make sure you come to this site incognito or use Delete Browsing.
Also if you talk to them don't express anything in our adult words or be critical of the JW doctrines. However mention everything that is bothering you....... be honest.
Being around horse's a lot and taking an art class would be therapeutic for you.
P.S Very good suggestions about online studies, learning IT etc.
Wolfy - Wait until you get to my age and see all the broken dreams, broken promises, broken family and death of loved ones...................then you'll have reason to be sad. You hate your life? I'd swap
This would be my advice, first, if you haven't already, try to contact your aunt. Any other non jw relatives you may have somewhat nearby.
Do as good in school as you can, you want to try to get scholarships, etc. If any program to start college in junior or senior year try for that as well. Apply for all scholarships! One thing that stinks is even though a pell grant can get you through community college if you have no income, if you're under 23/24 then your parents income can void that, even if you don't live with them and even if they aren't giving you a penny. So try real hard to get scholarships!!
Keep contact w/ aunt/etc by email and don't let your parents know, as you know might get shunned or problems. But when you talk to aunt, etc, try to explain the situation, see if it's possible to be a roomate. You can work part time and do college. You pretty much just need to get through college, depending what you want to do, I suggest a 4 year + degree for better long term but an AS is something specialized is better than nothing. You MIGHT also be able to get your parents to agree to an AS, seems society is okay with AS degrees since short and give a technical school. Then you could move out or go onto BS degree.
While in college try to get a job in something related. Once you graduate from college, if you chose the right major and able to get work then you should be fairly independent and able to support yourself.
IF YOU DON'T DO something similar as stated above......then these could be the scenarios. Parents will push you to pioneer/etc, if you follow what your parents want you won't get college and they'll want you to marry a jw guy. You will be dependent on them or who you marry. If you play along, didn't do college, etc, then if they decide to kick you out or you go crazy and cling to anybody who will take you, even if not a right match.
You have a good chance since you woke up now to have a really good life and future ahead. I really started to wake up when I was 29, got a plan and started fixing my life when 32, I'll have my BS in another 1.5 years (When should have had it over 10 years ago. Better late than never but I lost many good years)
Thanks for telling us a little more about your past experiences. It helps to understand.
I am sure your Mom and Dad are trying to keep you safe and probably applying spiritual healing JW style. Unfortunately your feeling of being isolated is counter productive.
I would think at a minimum you could use a weekly therapy or counseling session with a trained professional.
Based on what you have told us you need to sit down with your parents and explain what you are going through. Mention that you can't get baptized because you don't know where your life is going and your greatest fear is that you might wind up being shunned by your parents.
You feel like an out cast at the KH. So it's uncomfortable for you.
You probably need to see a therapist or professional counselor.
You love Art and Horse's and need an opportunity to experience those things (creating art and being around horses is therapeutic) so maybe an art class (if they are available in your area) and getting a chance to ride should be a part of your life.
I think the suggestion to work towards a degree online or to learn a practical skill like IT is brilliant. There may also be a way to learn about the care and keeping of horse's, making Art I am sure Youtube will have a lot of visuals.
Try to work out a few things with your parents....try to get them to understand what you have been going through.
One final thought if your not already doing the following make sure you visit certain sites on line 'incognito' or remember to Delete Browsing....... you don't want to lose your online privileges.
Thanks I like all those ideas. :) I will check out this coursera, I also do khan academy which teaches college level subjects and some computer programming for free and its actually kind of fun.
Also I know it would probably be helpful but my parents won't let me do therapy anymore because they think its a bad influence and because it doesn't magically "heal" me of all my problems. I have started horseback riding lessons again a few months ago and it does make me feel a little better having something to look forward too every week, although they won't let me join the equestrian team because of course its " too competitive" and the other girls are "worldly" but oh well. I mostly teach myself art but last summer I had gotten a scholarship to go to an art camp during the day for a month which was fun so I'm going to try to get that again this summer if my parents will let me.
Ah, yes, Khan Academy, forgot about that one. You're a very resourceful girl, and don't forget it!
Cappytan - I'm going to check out that site, as I need to re-train because of disability, and learning coding would be (I think) so easy, compared to what I learned in school (which was FORTRAN and COBOL) --- I know, I'm OLD. : P
BlackWolf - art camp? That sounds great, and may I ask, what medium(media) you work with? I do some painting, and have sold quite a few (130+) sculptures. I have to say, that getting into that mental groove of creating art, is one of the best things to lift my depression, when it is bad. Keep creating.
Oy Vey No therapy.
How about learning how to meditate? A Harvard Professor discovered siting upright in a chair, eye's closed, arms and hands relaxed, feet on the floor and for 15 to twenty minutes you just mentally say 'One' over and over again. That's to keep you from thinking, the idea is to rest the brain.
You can also meditate by taking a walk.
Here's a brief explanation and some additional techniques: