dream of becoming an artist or a professional horseback rider one day because
art and horses are the only things that really make me happy but I feel like
that will never happen because I'm so afraid. My worst fear is that my parents
are going to shun me when I leave and quit going to meetings like they did to my
aunt who was only an unbaptized publisher like me.
Have you talked to them about that?
And as you mentioned you are 16 and home schooled. I can't imagine completing your course work at 16 and that's it? No more schooling or do I have that wrong?
If your finishing up it's the perfect time to reconnect with public school. You need to talk to a school counselor and find out what else, subject wise, you need and if you can enroll in the High School after you take a test to see which grade you would start with. If you are planing college, if only a two year Community College, you don't want to have to do remedial work to catch up. So that is why you need to call a school and ask for someone that can tell you where you stand educationally.
Are there school bus's in your area? That would end your isolation.
Can you get in touch with your shunned Aunt and see what she has to say? Would she take you in if things go bad? Is there any reason you have to shun her? Neither of you are Baptised.
I've noted your love of horses..... that should be the type of thing you could find a part time job with. My daughter in law owns a horse farm. Its a lot of work. She has a young 16 year old girl who works for her part time in exchange for free riding privileges. Does that sound like something you would love to do?
I think you have reached somewhat of a breaking point, you sound fragile or at least stressed and I don't think you can or should hide this from Mom and Dad. There has to be balance in your life. They enjoy being JW's and you want to enjoy some of the good things in your life. Don't trade anything for Baptism. Do what you can with meetings, and a little field service to keep things level at home.