Im sick of my life

by BlackWolf 73 Replies latest jw friends

  • BlackWolf
    Sorry but I really feel like I need to rant right now. Recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately. Every morning I wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that I love what I'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality I feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason. I feel so alone I have no friends or anybody to talk to. I feel like a caged lion who can never get out. I homeschool and all I can really do for fun is read and paint. I only really get out of the house to go to meetings and service and the isolation is making me feel really anxious and depressed. I'm going through a pretty bad existential crisis right now and I feel like my life is hopeless and I'm doomed. I feel like ive wasted my childhood because all i ever really wanted was to just be a normal kid. I dream of becoming an artist or a professional horseback rider one day because art and horses are the only things that really make me happy but I feel like that will never happen because I'm so afraid. My worst fear is that my parents are going to shun me when I leave and quit going to meetings like they did to my aunt who was only an unbabtized publisher like me. I dont know how I could survive even more alone than I am now. What should I do? Thanks in advance.
  • prologos
    I can offer no advice, and help, beeing not near you, but I implore you to treat your life as something precious, not depending on your present circumstances. good things await you in the future, so hang on and reach out, not in.
  • LostGeneration

    Sorry you are going thru such pain...hopefully because you are their daughter they won't shun, just don't get baptized, but you probably know that already. :)

    Please don't give up on your dreams. You are smart enough already to realize it's a cult, so it's only a matter of time until you are free forever. Wishing you the best...


  • Finkelstein

    My empathy and condolences, my advise would just to play along until you can move out on your own when you can..

    Pretentious as it may be, its really your only choice for now .

    Many have gone through what your experiencing right now so know that your not alone.

    Another thing you might try is taking some extra schooling somewhere or music lessens , take up exercise at a gym, think outside secular activities for yourself .

    Grils at KHS can be cold and unfriendly, some of that is due to themselves not really wanting to be there or other things like competitiveness for attention of boys etc.

    Furthering your education being this most important

  • Saintbertholdt

    Hey there wolfy,

    Don't worry too much. Being a JW teenager is a temporary affliction. I have been told by the highest authorities that this passes at some point. One day you will have good friends, cars, an apartment or house and even other things like keys. In the meantime you have reading, which means you have access to the wealth of human knowledge and experience. So use this privilege to your absolute advantage.

    You should also remember that some teenagers that have access to all the things that you do not, like having many friends, that can do what they pretty much like and have parents who are not Jehovah's Witnesses, can still feel alienated, isolated and alone. So its not just a JW thing, although being in the religion doesn't help matters much.

    Also perfect your art. I'm not talking about substance, because if you express what's in your heart at this point, your parents might make matters worse for you, but I'm talking about technique. Then when you're an adult and you can do whatever art you can imagine or want to imagine, then let it rip. Oh and don't be scared to throw your perfected technique in the trash can. Picasso was a very good classical artist as a young man:

    This was all done so that he could discard it later (although it would still remain a valuable experience) and do what the hell he wanted to, so that he could eventually become the iconic magnificent modernist he was meant to be:

    Image result for guernica

    Anyway I've spewed enough comment feces. There are other comments that you need to read.

  • berrygerry

    I would contact social services and tell them how you feel.

    Home-schooling is the worst thing for cult members.

    You lose any sense of self.

    Schools are not just to educate you intellectually, but to educate you socially.

    Do not be afraid to talk to them. They can be terrific.

  • steve2

    It sounds really hard to bear and I truly am unable to offer immediate solutions.

    The last thing you want to hear is that you are very young and need to be obedient to your parents. But that is also so very true.

    The other thing that comes to mind is that young people in general often are at odds with their parents and this results in lots of difficulties.

    Of course you cannot bear the thought of being shunned by your parents. Yet you also have your hopes and dreams.

    Is there a school counsellor you can talk to in confidence?

    I really do feel for your difficulties and encourage you to keep up your education and do all you can to remain true to yourself whilst not overtly disobeying your parents.

  • DesirousOfChange

    The great advantage you still have in life over many of us here, is that we didn't wake up to TTATT until we were in our 30s or 40s or 50s. Bide you time a little longer but make plans to get out of there and get an education. Can you contact your aunt that left? Perhaps she can offer some assistance!


  • Mandrake
    Hey! Just take a deep breath and think in good things to come, believe me that NOTHING ever stays always the same... I think a very good first move is trying to get normal schooling, at all costs, social services can help you in that!!!
  • Mandrake
    School will broaden your scope on what real social interaction is and you'll feel less lonely. Fight for that!

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