Thank you very much to everybody who has left a helpful and supportive message. I can't thank you enough.
Yesterday was a bad day for me and my biggest regret was approach this forum the way that I did. I was literally panicking and at my wits end.
In the cold light of day and after reading the messages of brave people who have managed to leave the JW's, I am ashamed and embarrassed by my post. No wonder, some members have been hard on me.
A lot of my messages have been missed by some members who are calling me a troll or a scammer. Throughout the whole thread i apologised profusely and did all I could to rectify the situation.
I want to start again on this forum, because what I have learnt in less than 24 hours has been like an unveiling for me after a lifetime of being institutionalised. I wish I had visited here a long time ago.
Let me start again.
Is there a way that I can change my username to something less dramatic and more positive?
If not, then I will register again using a new name but for transparency's sake I will state in my first new post who I am so that people don't think I am trying to scam anybody.
I just need to address some issues:
1. Lack of information means I am a troll
I understand the concern. The main core of my situation is true. My vagueness of the details is not due to trying to scam anybody but because it took me a lot of courage to come here as any ex-JW knows after being repeatedly being warned about any site other than JW.org.
Also, I was wary because we are such a close-knit community. it wouldn't take too long for somebody to work out who I am if they wanted to. It does not take long for any JW to make a connection and know somebody in another congregation.
I accept that if I can going to receive the advice I need I need to be more transparent, so I will try to be although some of the comments here have made me realise it is not an entirely friendly and safe place.
2. I don't use the right terminology so I must be a troll.
This is laughable. I was brought up as a JW since being a baby. Most people I know still call the congregation overseer the P.O. (presiding overseer) and use the old terms. The amount of elders that still use the term "the society" even though we were told not to at the elders training school. That is not an indicator of me being a troll. I used the term watchtower conductor because most people know that is even if they haven't been to the meetings for years.
As I have said, so many times, I am truly sorry for the clumsy start. I genuinely want to put things right because right now I need all the advice I can get.
I'd rather start a new thread if I can and start again.
Once again, thank you to the ones who took the time to give in-depth posts of advice and for the private messages pointing me in the right direction.
I will personally thank each and every one of you via PM.