I am leaving the JW's . I am alone and scared. Advice and help needed please

by scared and lonely 161 Replies latest jw experiences

  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely


    Thank you very much to everybody who has left a helpful and supportive message. I can't thank you enough.

    Yesterday was a bad day for me and my biggest regret was approach this forum the way that I did. I was literally panicking and at my wits end.

    In the cold light of day and after reading the messages of brave people who have managed to leave the JW's, I am ashamed and embarrassed by my post. No wonder, some members have been hard on me.

    A lot of my messages have been missed by some members who are calling me a troll or a scammer. Throughout the whole thread i apologised profusely and did all I could to rectify the situation.

    I want to start again on this forum, because what I have learnt in less than 24 hours has been like an unveiling for me after a lifetime of being institutionalised. I wish I had visited here a long time ago.

    Let me start again.

    Is there a way that I can change my username to something less dramatic and more positive?

    If not, then I will register again using a new name but for transparency's sake I will state in my first new post who I am so that people don't think I am trying to scam anybody.

    I just need to address some issues:

    1. Lack of information means I am a troll

    I understand the concern. The main core of my situation is true. My vagueness of the details is not due to trying to scam anybody but because it took me a lot of courage to come here as any ex-JW knows after being repeatedly being warned about any site other than JW.org.

    Also, I was wary because we are such a close-knit community. it wouldn't take too long for somebody to work out who I am if they wanted to. It does not take long for any JW to make a connection and know somebody in another congregation.

    I accept that if I can going to receive the advice I need I need to be more transparent, so I will try to be although some of the comments here have made me realise it is not an entirely friendly and safe place.

    2. I don't use the right terminology so I must be a troll.

    This is laughable. I was brought up as a JW since being a baby. Most people I know still call the congregation overseer the P.O. (presiding overseer) and use the old terms. The amount of elders that still use the term "the society" even though we were told not to at the elders training school. That is not an indicator of me being a troll. I used the term watchtower conductor because most people know that is even if they haven't been to the meetings for years.

    As I have said, so many times, I am truly sorry for the clumsy start. I genuinely want to put things right because right now I need all the advice I can get.

    I'd rather start a new thread if I can and start again.

    Once again, thank you to the ones who took the time to give in-depth posts of advice and for the private messages pointing me in the right direction.

    I will personally thank each and every one of you via PM.

    Kind regards

  • freddo

    My advice.

    Calm down and give us some proof as to your bona fides. We will help mightily if you are genuine. But we won't send you cash and you need to earn trust.

    I still sometimes call the WT Overseer "the WT conductor" in colloquial terms and the rest of your posts seem to fit terminology.

    Here is what doesn't fit: convince me.

    You sound so, so, so dependent and panicky from someone at least old enough to be an elder.

    So here is what I would like to hear.

    1. The area of the UK you are from; describe your country and town or city - it's geographical features - what the climate is like - the things it is known for. That will give me a clue if you really live in the UK. How long have you lived there?

    2. Your approx age.

    3. Your parents attitude - is one more lenient than the other? Siblings?

    4. What the elders and you have actually discussed - detail.

    Some guidance for you.

    There is plenty of work for hard-working cleaners in the UK. There are even websites offering jobs to refugees as cleaners. You could have a job within a week. Do that immediately. There is no reason why you couldn't earn £10 an hour in London and £7/8 per hour elsewhere.

    If the brother who employs you doesn't fire you immediately you have time to look. If he does fire you just because you are DF'd then I would feel no guilt in "taking" clients for my self and cleaning direct. I would tell them that you have been fired for leaving your religion and need work. If you are good some will want you to clean for them.

    I do not believe you would be fired on the spot - employment laws and safeguards are in place. You will probably have at least a month's notice. If the brother likes you he might even say work is "necessary business" and you can stay until you find something else.

    If you can provide those things we can help. If you run around panicking, we can't.

    If you answer my questions convincingly I am happy to P.M. - but only on things that would otherwise reveal your (and my own) identity. As an ex-elder myself with much experience of jw procedures and ways to stall investigations I believe I can help.


  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely


    Thank you for taking the time to respond.

    It is a long thread so I don't expect you to have read every post, but I can assure you that as the thread continued it got LESS panicky.

    Also within 15 mins I removed any mention of financial assistance and got rid of the link. I would have edited the post and removed it completely if I could. I regret it very much.

    You have to bear in mind that I have been going through the biggest life-changing situation in my entire life. I want to be free and for me the only way to do that is to move away hence the panic.

    And yes, I guess I was dependent on the JW's. It is all I have known. I was completely immersed in the entire thing from birth.

    The though of losing that network and being on my own does scare me. But I can see that others have been through the same thing so it has given me hope and realised that there are options open to me.

    I have been doing a lot of research on this site and it has helped me to re-evaluate things and see that I have more options.

    That is why I want to start a new thread and new profile so that the waters don't get muddied any more and I don't have to go over the same ground, just as I am doing here.

    Thanks again

  • scared and lonely
  • jookbeard
    S&L if you dont mind me asking what part of the UK are you from, and could you PM me the name of your cong and some of the names of the elders from your congregation?
  • dozy
    I don't understand why your parents would kick you out. They only really need to do that if you are DFd. Just chill - take it easy - this is going to be a long road. The advantage you have over a lot of us is that you are still young - presumably single - plenty of time to start a new life - new friends - relationship - career etc.

    Regarding your employment - why should you be fired? Most of the JWs I know who employ other JWs ( especially as fairly mundane jobs as cleaners etc ) tend to be quite mercenary and exploitative - they don't really care about the "spiritual status" of their employees as long as they do a good job. One guy I knew employed loads of JWs all over the UK ( pioneers etc ) cleaning phone boxes , ATMs etc. I remember one of his staff got DFd & I asked him if he was going to sack him. He just laughed - said he was one of the hardest workers for the firm so he'd keep his job no problem - he even joked that he'd probably offer the guy a few more hours now he didn't attend meetings any more. That's the mindset of these guys so don't worry about it.
  • besty

    @scared and lonely - I'm from the UK - London specifically :-) on this thread I can vouch for cofty jookbeard katewild dozy and freddo all from the UK and are just some of the good guys on the board. ignore the self-appointed "I call troll-ers" - they are a broken clock and are in fact correct twice a day on average. They have said the same thing plenty before. who cares.

    PM me if you want. don't bother revealing anything else that could identify you. there are people here in the UK who have been DF'd based on what they have posted.


  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely

    Jookbeard: S&L if you dont mind me asking what part of the UK are you from, and could you PM me the name of your cong and some of the names of the elders from your congregation?

    Jookbeard, with all due respect, after what you did to me yesterday, I would never reveal anything to you. There was no need for you to mock me the way you did. I didn't deserve that, especially as you could see how sorry I was.

    I am reluctant to reveal even my circuit, never mind the congregation or the elders. Outside of London, it is so easy to put the pieces together and I can't risk that at the moment. I know most of the people in my district because of one of the positions I held at the convention and a lot of them are aware of my situation and demise.

    Most people on this forum have been so friendly and given great advice, but there is an element of people that I would not trust with such information.

  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely

    Besty ..."don't bother revealing anything else that could identify you. there are people here in the UK who have been DF'd based on what they have posted."

    Thanks for the advice. That is what I am afraid of. Thank you so much for your kind words and taking the time to post, It is appreciated very much. :)

  • jookbeard
    S&L, after yesterdays bit of a giggle, and reinforced by Cofty and Besty I am a 100% bona fide exjw involved in my own bit of activism and who would 100% respect anyone confidentiality here or anywhere, so anyone here revealing anything of a sensitive nature could be rest assured that it would not go any further, the reason I ask I do have a contact in the cleaning business who pays £8/hr in the London area the only issue is the need for an CSCS health and safety certificate

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