I am leaving the JW's . I am alone and scared. Advice and help needed please

by scared and lonely 161 Replies latest jw experiences

  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely


    I am sorry that on my first post I am asking for help and advice but I am at my wits end.

    I have been brought up a witness all my life and it is all I know.

    I am an ex-elder and pioneer and I don't know anybody outside of the congregation.

    I have been unhappy for so long and wanted to leave. I tried to slip away but they would't have it and now that I have expressed doubts they are pushing for me to disassociate myself because they think I am apostate which I am not.

    I have lost all my association and am going to have to leave my family home.

    I don't have anywhere to go and don't have any non JW friends. I pioneered for years so have no money or savings.

    After always having a network to support me, the thought of being alone terrifies me and I am at my wits end.

    Has anybody else on this forum gone through this? If so, I would love to know what happened and how you managed.

    Thank you so much.

  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely

    PS. I am not sure if this is allowed or not ...I am sorry if it isn't....but I am in a desperate situation. :(

    I have set up a funding page.

    Please help me to escape

    I am NOT asking you to give anything but please would you be kind enough to share the page on your social media accounts to spread the word

    I can't do it on my Facebook and instagram account as I am trying to stay anonymous from the congregation while I plan my escape.

    I hope that nobody is offended by this. I just don't know what else to do or who to turn to.

    Thank you

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    many ex-elders, pioneers and missionaries here. We have been there "non-JW friends, no

    money or saving. You must first realize the world is not that bad and the new friends you will meet,

    not fake....

  • Phizzy

    First of all S&L, you are not alone, we are all here for you. We are here to listen, and to give advice if we can, but certainly to listen, any time you want.

    I too was a born-in, in for 58 years, and all my family were in, and my business contacts and customers were mainly JW's.

    You say you are going to have to leave your family home, tell us more, it may not be necessary ??

    For me it was a wrench, I knew my life would never be the same, I knew I would lose a lifetimes worth of "friendships", and I thought I may lose my dear wife too, I knew not how she would react.

    It took a long, and not easy, journey for me to reach where I am today, but my wife left with me once we had discussed it, we have survived financially, we have made a number of really good, new, real friends who will be friends whatever, they are not conditional friends.

    The road ahead for you may be bumpy, but we on here can be your SatNav, and the road leads to happiness and contentment with yourself, and to what is priceless, FREEDOM !

    Carry on, we will walk with you.

  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely

    Thank you for the kind messages of support.

    We have been warned about going online and looking at anti-witness information and told that the world is an awful place so I haven't dared look at any information until this weekend.

    What I found has opened my eyes. :(

  • wannaexit

    am NOT asking you to give anything but please would you be kind enough to share the page on your social media accounts to spread the word

    I don't want to sound insensitive, but you say you are not asking for money, but you've set up a gofundme account?

    I am sure if you take the time and read on through some of the archives, you will find some good suggestions on how you can move forward.

  • Tornintwo

    Scared and lonely...

    the best advice I received on here when first doubting was to SLOW DOWN!! Take things slow and think things through for the best outcome for you and your family. You are going through a big change and if you do it too fast you WILL end up scared, lonely, depressed. It's not too late to put the breaks on, fade gradually, miss meetings because of depression, be 'confused and doubting' not rebellious or apostate. It will be easier on you and your family. Whilst you take things slow you give your self the headspace to sort your feelings out, time to build new friendships and connections outside of the org, maybe find a different way of supporting yourself, go to college maybe or get a new job where you can better yourself and make new friends too. You can do all this whilst still being in the family home if you tread carefully, there are good guides to fading on here. But for your own sake, don't jump too soon.

  • LisaRose

    I am sorry you are being treated like this. Its very important that you insist you are not an apostate and are not going to disassociate. You need whatever little bit of social contact you can hang onto for now. Push this back on them and tell them they are being unchristian, that having doubts does not make you bad.

    Of course this is a short term solution, but if its not too late, then try. You need to start building a new life. I wont lie, its tough, but it can be done. Focus on your job situation for now, keep busy looking for new opportunities. Then you can slowly start building a social life. See if there might be ex JW meet ups in your area. If not, then seek out new friends. Maybe you can join a hiking group or some other interest you might have? There are all kind of on line type things available. You might have to try a few before you find one that works, but dont give up.

    It will take time, but you will eventually carve out a new life. The JWs are so ready to throw away questioning members, as if you are disposable. Your life has value and meaning no matter what, dont forget that. You will use your experience and skills you got as a JW to make a life that has meaning and reflects your beliefs, not the forced groupthink mentality of the Watchtower.

    Dont be afraid to ask for help and be willing to use whatever resources come your way. We all have been through this, you will get through it too.


  • sir82
    I don't mean to be insensitive, but how does it cost money to leave the JWs?
  • scared and lonely
    scared and lonely


    Sorry. I honestly don't mean to offend.

    I set up the account but didn't realise that it relied so much on social media so I may as well delete it as I can't put it on my social media page. I thought it would be found on the Gofund site.

    I am doing so much reading and research at the moment that it is all very overwhelming and time is not on my side. I literally don't have one acquaintance outside of the congregation and I have never felt so lonely in my life.I will definitely be reading up on the information like you suggest.

    I will remove it if it offends people. I value your advice and the last thing I want to do is annoy anybody.

    My apologies :(

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