new, nowhere to turn, ashamed & afraid
It sounds as if you are going through a very bad time. Where is your family? We wouldn't let our children suffer like that. Don't you have anyone who cares?
Whatever you have done in the past doesn't matter, you can overcome it, look for another way to support your children if what you are doing is causing so much self condemnation. There are social systems in place that will take care of your kids, if you live in the USA, so take advantage of them until you can find a better way to support yourself.
I think most people have some things hidden in the closet that should keep them from condeming others like you, whatever it is that you are so ashamed of.
I do hope you will find better times in the future, so feel free to talk on this discussion board if it helps.
I can see you're good with words (regardless of the words that may have been chosen), and you definitely seem to have a writer's sense of drama. Have you ever thought of writing fiction or poetry? It's certainly not a guaranteed income, but it IS cathartic, and it IS possible that you'll end up getting paid for it someday -- possibly even paid a lot.
You can find a copy of the Writer's Market (and I think there's a Poet's Market, too, but I'm not sure) in just about any decent-sized bookstore, and libraries might have older copies you can study/borrow. If you look, you could probably find opportunites for writers online, too.
"Most men complacently accept 'knowledge' as 'truth'. They are sheep, ruled by fear."
-- Sydney Losstarot, "Vagrant Story."
Gosh, Im sorry...I cant muster sympathy for somebody who introduces themselves by immediately slamming others who are trying to help people. That doesnt cut it.
I think you might be looking for a handout Az. I dont see you doing anything but wallowing in your own pity party, doing the Steve Martin "I was born a po black chil'" act like somehow that's why you cant go get an education, get a job and get up out of that puddle you insist on sitting in. There are more opportunities for jobs and scholarships for minority WOMEN out there than middle class educated white women because the laws dictate equal opportunity. Its the 21st Century...you gotta grab that bull by the horns and quit asking everybody else to do it for you.
Yes there ARE ways to fix your situation. I dont think you are consumed with guilt about what you are doing...I think you are looking for somebody to agree that it was OK for you to do it.
tina, when did I call myself a prostitute?
no you labeled me that, send it to print as a sticker and I'll wear stuck to my forehead if it makes you feel better
I'll continue to see myself as a complete human being
"Sympathy For the Devil" keeps coming to mind.
rochelle, fact is far stranger than fiction
lovesdubs, i'm screwing half a dozen guys or more a night, eight hours a night, five nights a week for cash and i'm not feeling enough guilt?
are you the person i need to come to here to be told the measure of guilt i'm feeling and whether or not it's enough to warrant your sympathy?
funny i think i've heard that story before but it was inside a judicial committee
thank you for informing me of your role here, upsetting as it is to me to quite clearly see that in what you have written
trevor, thank you for the poem it almost exactly expresses how i feel
i've hardly even touched on a minute fraction of my life, the depths of depravity i feel i've sunken to and yet the reason why, the choices i made were the only option open at the time and these are the feelings i'm torn between, what i thought i was and what i found out i was due to a set of irreversible circumstances, which went up in smoke one by one until i got to where i am now
whith an impossible chance as my only one
and taking it
We can only converse with folks based on the comments they make. You knew that coming into a discussion forum. Just like real life, only reading instead of watching and listening.
here's my role on this thread: To denounce TROLLS like you.
Do I give a rat's patute? No.
-ianao (Feeling juvenile today class)
I really feel sorry for you. I have been a single mother of two children myself. I think Loves dubs is right, there are many programs out that can help you. Here in America they will pay for your housing, pay for your food, pay for your power and water, pay for you to get an education, and I am sure you are aware of this because your children are recieving Social security. These are the basic neccesities of live. Is there more that you need?
I have been that low... I know the problems you are facing. No I never prostituted myself, because I found it easier to starve and still be able to look in the mirror.
I also don't claim to be able to read peoples hearts, just because I have been that low. I don't condemn you for your line of work, how could I? This is your decision, not ours. If you came here for support, you will find it. If you came to make another point entirely, you will be met head on I can assure you.
Thank you for labeling me(something you don't want done to you)....I had to get the definition of "scapegoat" I don't think that fits me. Could you explain why you feel I am a scapegoat?
:fact is stranger than fiction
Very true. But also has that certain truthful quality about it.
Any way, welcome to the newguy.
Did I get it? Did I get it?