new, nowhere to turn, ashamed & afraid

by azzazel 106 Replies latest jw friends

  • BugEye


    Prostitution is not my idea of a good career move, but at least it
    has a long history and will always be in demand


  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    My email is open. Feel free to write privately if you so wish.

  • hippikon

    Something the elders should always remember

    "There but for the grace of god go I"

    Feel free to send an email. I havent posted my full story. There is still a lot I keep confidential.

    "But it does move"

  • Frenchy

    I'm sorry for your troubles. This forum is a means of expression that the average JW does not have within his own circle of friends and so for that reason is a much needed outlet for most of us. It is also a means of getting information which would otherwise be very difficult on one's own. It also a means of sharing with others our fears and problems and drawing strength from hearing of similar experiences.
    You are not going to like everything you hear but you will hear a broad spectrum of responses. Use what you can and leave the rest alone.
    I sympathize with anyone that is put in a difficult position and I admire anyone that takes care of their own regardless of what it takes so you have my sympathy and my admiration on those two counts. I say on those two counts because that's all we know about you so far.
    Thanks for posting.

    -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-

  • kes152

    hi azzazel,

    I left a post for you on NL2 in case you haven't seen it. It waz in reference to your question re: "the kingdom of God."

    Peace to you,

  • azzazel

    thank you bug eye and all of you with your kind words so far

    I did not mean to be harsh in naming the people I did by name and my making observations of their personalities, I chose them as merely the most obvious examples

    you see one thing I am good at now, after having to put myself what I put myself through, faced with the reality of my present unique circumstances and situation ,

    is the ability to see the people who are afraid to face the darkness within themselves

    I can see those people much more easily now

    after this experience, this insight, this vision into the darkness capable of my own soul I guess you could call it

    and you cant see that, you are blind to that vision of your own darkness until you have had to confront it within yourself

    the heartbreak of having to tear your soul in two and act totally diametrically at odds against everything about yourself you thought you ever believed in

    so someone you love can live, well if you love like I love, but it doesn't seem like too many do

    that’s what I'm afraid of & that’s what I'm scared of

    that no one hear can say they love someone that much that they wouldn’t give their own life to save them

    they way that i had to

    so I have to say that in some ways I do understand and sympathize and feel some compassion for their blindness and ignorance

    because going through what I'm going through and have gone through, despite the insights and the vision

    well it's not something I would too readily wish upon another

    forgive my hesitations and fears, but for the moment I would rather not correspond with anyone here in private emails

    also i do not wish to go into chat because my story is so shocking i know some will want to become morally superior if i begin to tell it

    i've seen them do it enough on their posts here to know that that will happen

    i have no reason so far to believe that anyone here has had to do what i have done and still continue to do

    i have no reason so far to believe that anyone here has had to make decisions based on my set of circumstances

    and of that, like i said, i am so very much afraid

    but thankyou for your kindness in offering, azzazel

    ps. I was sixteen and unmarried when I had my first child and yet i fear there will be those who mock my sincerity

    i feel so naked and so vulnerable.

  • jschwehm


    If you need someone who will listen, just e-mail me

    at [email protected]

    Jeff S.

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    I am so impressed with the out pouring of kindness on this thread!!
    Welcome to the board Jeff.

  • stephenw20


    Welcome to the board....... (((((AZZAZAEL))))))))

    it is wonderful you have taken the step and shared with us ,
    many here on this board have been in simialr situations, so please dont feel alone.

    you can email me anytime.......just to say hay.......

    may the love of the divine comfort you this day.....and you trust in yourself and the power that you have within.....


  • COMF

    Introduction: offend several major players, mentioning names.

    Good move, for someone wanting a martyr role.


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