I really don't understand why my point would go unnoticed every time i have brought it up in different threads. Nobody seemed to notice that i gave a very sound and IMHO workable explanation of why female bisexuality is more excepted then male bisexuality. Don't you guys think that thousands of years of polygamy would have something to do with it?
Are women naturally "Bi" ?
by refiners fire 123 Replies latest social relationships
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Kingpawn
You stated in your opening post that since there is often talk of some women being attracted to other women on this board that women may be bi-sexual. Conversely, among the men this type of talk is rarely, if ever, heard.
Okay, here's my theory, as nearly as I can express it. Men are a bit "homophobic," for want of a better word. Men are highly offended by talk of male homosexuality and are often very aggressive about angrily stating and stopping it, as evidenced by the heated threads on the subject of male homosexuality. So, it's rare that a man would broach the subject, let alone make suggestive comments to another man.
As a gay man who's through fighting it in myself (I hope), I'd have to agree that men strongly resent discussing it. And it's also true that men encourage this type of talk among women. Check out personals ads and the over whelming percentage of married couples looking for a three-way say they're looking for a bi-fem, or that the wife is bi.
Guys have made so many jokes about "sissies" that they see all gay men that way. (And to them, of course, there is no bi, just str8 and gay.) Sooooo, if they even faintly acknowledge they might be bi/gay, they conjure up a mental image of themselves as an effeminate man and react savagely.
When Anne Heche (Ellen DeGeneres' former lover) bolted back to the straight world, an article discussing this topic said that women's sexuality may be far more fluid than a man's is. And as has been noted already, women are freer to express sentiments like these because it's in line with a woman's naturally more nurturing nature, a side men have as well though many are loath to admit it.
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terafera
Pawn, good points. I think women (most) are very sensual and its not hard (hehe) for men to visualize women together. I have had good female friends and was very affectionate with them... gave a kiss on the cheeks, etc...but never wanted to go to a certain length with them.*ahem*
My girlfriend and I would go to bars and not want guys to hit on us so we would say we were a couple. Little did we know that it attracted them to us in droves. We would say we werent there for the men and even said we were going to marry each other. This led to 'oh yeah, prove it.' Once we gave a peck to each other, and the guys were yelling and freaking out. I didnt get it...it was innocent and between friends. I didnt get anything sexual out of it at all. Later, when my girlfriend and I were both drunk, she confided that she would like to try more things...I said nah no thanks and our friendship kinda petered out. I think she was straight but curious.
Men are supposed to be strong, masuline, so if I saw two with their arms wrapped around them, I'd think they were gay. My women friends and I are close and will walk in malls with our arms wrapped around each others waists. I"m sure its because women are more touchy feely and more sensual creatures.
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not interested
all i have to say is that if i were a woman id be a lesbian you have heard that b 4 but woman are so soft and beautiful i cant imagin having a attraction to a male thats all i have to say at this time
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SYN
Terafera: Or perhaps the touchy-feeliness (for lack of a better word) has just been quashed in men from birth?
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slipnslidemaster
Once we gave a peck to each other, and the guys were yelling and freaking out. I didnt get it...it was innocent and between friends. I didnt get anything sexual out of it at all. Later, when my girlfriend and I were both drunk, she confided that she would like to try more things
...........talk...........slower...........
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jack2
hi tera !!
tera's experience kind of reminds me of a chat I had with my teenage daughter a few months back. She mentioned that there were several girls at her high school that were saying that they were bi-sexual and did not seem shy in making it known.
While I acknowledged that they may indeed be bi-sexual, I did mention one additional possiblity to her....that they may simply be trying to attract guys. As tera's (inadvertant, lol) experience bears out, it's a sure-fire way to get the attention of the male species.
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Kingpawn
Terafera, thanks for the feedback, and some quick feedback on the last part of your post:
Men are supposed to be strong, masuline, so if I saw two with their arms wrapped around them, I'd think they were gay. My women friends and I are close and will walk in malls with our arms wrapped around each others waists. I"m sure its because women are more touchy feely and more sensual creatures.
There are some societies around the world where two men can do this in public and they are friends, but not gay, and no one thinks anything bad about it.
Something over a year ago, I read of an incident in California. A 14 yo girl from Morrocco or Algeria, where women doing what you describe above is perfectly normal, was assaulted by several people for doing exactly what you and your friends do. They used antigay slurs during the attack.
The reason I mention this is that, with our economy becoming more and more global in orientation (pun intended), today's 20somethings are going to experience more and more contact with other societies. If they haven't learned about cultures such as this young girl's, or aren't able to be more neutral (tolerant, if one prefers) when they do, they'll be in for a LOT of culture shock someday. Might cost the company they work for lost business or damages from lawsuits.
It says a lot for this group that a topic like this can be discussed so calmly.
Mark
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dustrabbit
You know, Pawn, talking about culture shock, Iwhen I first got to China, I lived in Kunming for a year...it's less comsopolitan than Beijing, Shanghai, or guangzhou, so it's a little more conservative, but when i walked down the street I saw a lot of women holding hands with women or men holding hands with other men, or get this: on the bus, it not uncommon to see men or women sitting in the laps of people of the same sex! They weren't gay or anything...my wife explained that this was a natural sign of closeness between friends. But I did see one Chinese openly lesbian couple while there....and there are gay men in Kunming, but they are either loners or Drag Queens...
But after I moved to Guangzhou, I didn't see any men holding hands expect guys who probably just came from the countryside. So, it's kind of funny how when a Chinese city gets more contact with Western society how it influneces people's actions in public.the dustrabbit
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LB
Guys have made so many jokes about "sissies" that they see all gay men that way
OK, I have to tell a story after that quote.
In my younger days I was a bit of a brawler. Like most guys of that mentality I figured I could really take care of myself. Well one day in a bar I get into it with another guy and to make it short, he cleaned my clock. Fair fight but he did me in.
Turns out he was as gay as you get. Not a flamer so it wasn't obvious he was gay but I do admit I had a difficult time coming to grips with the fact that this guy could do me in. So much so I wanted a rematch and went back to the bar to do just that. I figured I'd be honorable about it and invite him outside rather than sneaking a punch in. Well.....
He laughed, said we both had too much to drink the last time and asked me why on earth did I want a rematch, it was close anyway. I told him because he was gay and I couldn't live with that. Again he laughs and to make the story even shorter he bought me a drink and we became buddies.
So my point being, this was a good guy, nice looking guy but trust me, I never flirted and never had any urges.
Women are just comfortable with it and men, we're homophobic.