To My Mother (page 11)

MrMoe

I hope that I feel as bad when my own mother passes...i kind of doubt I will tho. Whatever its worth...my condolences...if there is any small thing i can do just mention it...

zanex - Awww, thank, no nothing you can do, but honey, sorry you do not have that kinda of bond with your mother, maybe it is not too late to breathe some life back into, that is unless she is part of the WT. And, if this is the case, I am sorry.

Just remember, often a mother cries, but does not always show her children. I know this because I am a mother myself.

obiwan and patio -- awwww ty

HUGS

Amanda

Edited by - MrMoe on 26 June 2002 14:55:25

zanex

my mom IS a DEVOUT follower of the wt scam society and I havent had ANY type of bond with her since i got df'd. It wud be a nice thot tho to think that she does cry for me sometimes...I doubt it but it is a nice thought. Made me smile for a sec or two...again I feel for your loss...

MrMoe

((((((zanex))))))

Perhaps this will help...

You see, she is doing what she thinks is best. I recall my mother doing the same to me as well when I was DF'd (later reinstated.) After I was reinstated, I also recall walking in on my mother once, tears streaming down her face. She told me how much it hurt her, and how a mother never shows her tears to her children, because a mother must be strong.

You see, my mom was doing as she taught, out of ignorance and brain-washing. She then told me of the nights she would cry herself to sleep over me and her other children leaving the truth, and how horrified she was that they may die forever at the hands of God.

A mother often never shows her tears, for a mother must be strong...

SYN

A mother often never shows her tears, for a mother must be strong...

That's what my Mom was like when I left the "Truth"...she took it very calmly at first, but I heard her crying in private later...thankfully now she is OUT too!

MrMoe 2

(((((((SYN)))))))

Yes, be glad she is OUT, not only for your relationship, but for her personal sanity!

Kisses,

Moe

SYN

Yeah, I'm glad she's free now...

ESTEE

((((((MrMoe)))))

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your tribute to your mom was lovely. I too lost my mom. That was three years ago. It was a terrible shock for me. I still miss her terribly, although the pain is subsiding. I still see her sometimes in my bittersweet dreams.

Esther

MrMoe

Esther -- Wow, been a long long time since I have seen this post. Thanks for saying some comforting words, and so very sorry you went through the loss of your own mother. Time may heal the wounds, but our souls never forget.

I went to my father's for dinner this evening. December 21st would have marked thier 52nd wedding anniversary. Our relationship has been very strained the last few years since I left "the truth." But, we are trying, he is trying, and I have to give him credit for that. We talked about mom, and Emmie said the cutest thing out of the blue...

She said "I miss Grandma."

My dad replied to her "She will wake up someday."

Emma replied "She isn't sleeping Grandpa, she is on the beach running on the sand."

Looking over this thread reminds me of what notperfectyet said when I posted this, and it brought a warm smile to my face. Almost erie...

your mama is running on a beach right now.....warm water, sand and sun...

Lately I have been struggling with life and death and what happens when we die. Past few weeks mostly I have come to the conclusion that I am a borderline atheist now, or at least agnostic, and this I struggle with. Death is so very hard to accept. I miss them damn it, I miss them both and I don't want to face the fact that I will never speak to them again.

I remember back when I was 5 and my real mamma died. I remember one afternoon holding a picture of her and I in my hand, and feeling so f**king empty, knowing she was gone, knowing I would never speak to her again. I loved her so much and for so long I blamed myself for her suicide. I remember growing up over the years, and the pain may have gotten easier to cope with, but there were times I would just break down and curl myself up in bed and just sob. Time of course has passed, and as an adult I realize I did nothing wrong, but that aside doesn't dismiss the sheer magnitude of death and the effect it has on us.

It's final. Beyond our control and touches each and every one of us. That is why we have to make the absolute best out of our time right here, right now. Life -regardless if it is a gift from the heavens or a happen-chance thing - is still life, and it is still sacred. You get one shot, might as well make it count.

Damn it, I am crying now. At Dad's tonight I went into my mother's room (they had seperate bedrooms) shut the door and turned out the light. I layed down on my mother's bed a while, and her smell was still 9 months later wrapped in her sheets. I lay there, my head on the pillow where she slept, almost feeling the warmth of her, wishing I could hold her close just one last time.

LyinEyes

Moe, I just read this post and as I was reading the last paragraph, about your mothers room and her smell, I got cold chills and I still have goosebumps as I type.

Wow. I used to smell this dress of my mom's , the one she wore to my wedding, it smelled of L'Air Du Temps,,,,,(Oscar de la Renta) it was all she would ever wear. I was able to enjoy that smell for awhile but it faded with time. Darn.

Remember in the movie Hope Floats,,,,, Sandra Bulluck,,,,,, on the day of her mom's funeral she is in her mom's closet and she find her mom's black dress, and she pulls it to her face and breathes in,,,, The smell of her mother is still on that dress and it hits her hard that she is really gone.

I wish I would have some how preserved some kind of clothing to keep of my moms and only open it every once in awhile. I wonder if you can do that , buy putting something in a really good plastic baggie?

God ,,,,,,,,, i keep getting goosebumps.

Hugs to you Moe and Esther,and to our moms.....

ESTEE

MrMoe,

My mom was jw when she died. I was disfellowshipped two weeks after she died. The elders sure do have a keen sense of timing and sensitivity about things like death. <note of sarcasm>

I wonder if she had lived, if she would still talk to me. My adult kids shun me. My kids didn't even send me a sympathy card, even though I was not yet disfellowshipped at the time that mom died.

My mom lived in a Senior's Residence with her husband, my stepdad. A week after she died, pop's sons moved him to Alberta. He died a year later. The stepkids took all her stuff, except for a few boxes that I took when I cleaned her apartment out (fine china).

My mom wanted me to have her antique china cabinet. The stepkids sold it.

I did get her wedding rings, though. She had them hidden in her bedroom. The stepkids would have NEVER found them. I wear her wedding rings all the time, on my right hand. I still feel close to my mom. I visit her grave whenever I am in Selkirk, Manitoba.

And I don't think she would have shunned me. We were very close.

Love,

ESTEE

To My Mother

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