Accusing Ex-JWs of Behaving Like JWs Should be Taboo

by cofty 447 Replies latest members private

• 

  FlyingHighNow

  Viv, kiddo, you're basically a ditto poster. I haven't seen you say anything original yet.
• 

  besty

  @FHN

  I just explained to him that my views about the consequences of reckless, casual sex were shaped before I ever heard of the JWs.

  Maybe you had a pre-JW mindset and were therefore susceptible to joining up :-)

  I think the first word of the Posting Guidelines is there for a reason. "Insulting" language is not allowed.

  "You have an ex-JW mindset" is an insult.

  "It appears to me you have an certain characteristics of what some describe as an ex-JW mindset because xyz.." is not an insult. Needless to say this takes a bit more effort.

  19 pages into this I would say some people like the lazy insult and are determined to defend their right to use it.
• 

  Frazzled UBM

  After 19 pages I think this thread can be summarized as - soem beleive that making a reference to a poster's behaviour or mindset as being JW-like is not acceptable where it is used in an insulting way as an argument stopper but others argue this may be okay if used as a challenge to someone to get them to think about how far they have progressed since leaving the cult and whether they had changed as much as they think they have. I do think that there are characteristic JW behaviours and ways of thinking and I described them in an earlier post based on my own observations. I don't agree with those who seek to deny that this is the case and seem to be suggesting that once you learn TTATT you have overcome all your JW conditioning and predispositions and you then immediately become like everyone else. But I also agree that one should avoid over-generalizing or being too quick to label particular behaviour as JW-like.

  These issues are obviously quite raw and bring out strong emotions and robust exchanges.

  I became aware recently of study of hidden agendas which says that people will react strongly when SCARF values are under attack - these are Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness and Fairness. It struck me that for practising JWs Certainty and Relatedness (this is one of jgnat's themes) are critical and for those who have postions in the congregation Status is also very important and that cognitivie dissonance feeds on perceived attacks on these values. I also wonder, thinking out loud, whether JWN may be a place for ex-JWs to seek out those values they have lost be leaving the organisation.

  I think in that regard this is a useful thread to tease out differences of perceptions about what it means to be an ex-JW.

  There is also an interesting undercurrent of ex-r&f v ex-elders. I think ex-r&f need to acknowledge that ex-elders were victims of the cult as much as they were and ex-elders need to be sensitive about how they may be preceived by ex-r&f and in that regard think about the tone of their posts. It's almost as if you need to have a truth and reconciliation commission to resolve issues between those who held positons of power in the organisation and those who didn't.

  I know I am at danger of being told to butt out because I never was a JW but in some respects I think that gives me a different perspective.
• 

  cofty

  some on the site might feel they are being lectured to or told what they can and cannot say - DisArmed

  Then they have very poor reading comprehension skills. I have exlained numerous times that by "taboo" I mean it ought to be socially unacceptable. Any boor is free to ignore taboos.
• 

  THE GLADIATOR

  Hi, I have just popped in after a three month absence to see if all you boys and girls are behaving. Thanks for starting this interesting thread Cofty. All the posters have made useful comments; they have also given away more about themselves than they may realize. The JW mentality is an interesting mind-set.

  One of the traits I had as a Witness was an absolute certainty that everything I believed was true. Enlightened people who tried to reason with me were met with fierce defence. This mentality spilled over into my whole life. I was right and every one else was wrong. It was only when I actually listened to other people and gave their ideas full consideration that light entered my closed mind. Slowly it became clear that though I had completed the jigsaw, most of the pieces had been crammed into the wrong place. Such enlightenment and open-mindedness ultimately lead one to leave the narrow confines of the Watchtower Society.

  This is the important bit. After leaving I still retained an inbuilt tendency to argue to defend my personal views. I had to make an effort to apply open-mindedness to all aspects of life and opinion. Now when confronted with a different opinion, I listen, consider, take in new information and hope that I AM WRONG. This makes room for the excitement of discovery and new growth. What I have tried to express is that the need to always be right, win the argument, or think that our taste in dress, grooming, music is the only right one, is a part of the JW mentality.
• 

  cofty

  Interesting post Gladiator. Devloping an open mind is certainly a challenge for ex-JWs I agree.

  This thread is not so much about analysing the psychology of JWs as about challenging a cadre of forum memebers who think it is acceptable to use it as a dismissive insult.

  If we think somebody in a forum discussion is rejecting new ideas without considering them, then it is entirely reasonable to point that out. Ask them if and why they are being closed-minded. Telling them that they are behaving "like a JW" is nothing but a cheap shot.
• 

  Ucantnome

  do you think your post could be wrong gladiator
• 

  minimus

  Frazz and Glad, great remarks And perspective!
• 

  THE GLADIATOR

  Ucantnome "do you think your post could be wrong gladiator."

  My posts are often wrong. This post is just a sharing of personal experience.

  If you have something you wish me to consider please share, but let's not drift away from the purpose of the thread, just pointed out by Cofty: This thread is not so much about analysing the psychology of JWs as about challenging a cadre of forum members who think it is acceptable to use it as a dismissive insult.
• 

  Ucantnome

  mine too. Probably cofty's as well