Hi Space Madness,
I confess that I have been wondering for a few days how to respond to this post. I am conflicted on this subject.
(1) On personal level, I feel bad that you feel that you are in a tailspin. These things have a way of working themselves out eventually. I know that it is difficult to see when you are in the middle of it, but they do.
(2) Going back to the Witnesses is going to cause you more harm in the long run. Someday you are going to be married and have children. Do you want them brought up in that organization? Do you want to lose your wife and children when someone finds out how you really feel? As bad as it may seem now, it can get much, much worse.
(3) Have you tried joining a church? For that matter, join a budhist group. If you walked up to someone who is spiritually mature and explained your situation, I think that you will find start finding some friends. Try a couple until you find someplace that you fit in. Unfortunately, the JW are not unique in the dysfunctionality. You may find some nuts in other organizations as well. Heck, take up Karate or BJJ. Join a gym. Something but subject yourself to the JW.
(4) As someone who would like to see the Witness organization self-destruct, there is nothing better than having people who do not believe in their organization going through the motions. Go for it. Bring some other apostates back with you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.