by Space Madness 85 Replies latest jw friends
Space Madness:
I left intially because of doctrinal issues. Since I no longer believe in the Bible, those issues no longer matter.
If doctrinal issues don't matter to you, and you want to be part of a group for social reasons and improve your life, you would be better off joining a community group, ideally one that helps others.
If you don't believe in the bible, returning to a high-control religion is not going to make you feel better.
WITNESS MY FURY: When i was a loyal Jdub I hated the thought that there were fakers who didnt really believe any of it but just went through the motions for glory, friends or the social scene. We all knew some like this. They gave themselves away by their words and actions.
I recall a respected CO say that there were some in the Cong who wanted to have all of the benefits of being associated with the Cong but refused to accept any of the responsibilities that went with it. I think that may describe what WMF is saying there. Or, as said by DESIGNER STUBBLE: make sure to live "the truth a la carte",
I loved that term the first time I heard it, although it was meant in a negative way about false religions. It's what my wife says she has always done with the JW religion. (SHOCK when we had that discussion!) Evidently, for decades whe's had the ability to sift through all that was being said and let some of it "go in one ear and right out the other". So now I see "a la carte" as a positive way to do it, if one is in the fading process or must fake it for family.
Good luck.
Doc
I've seen this happen many times. People who after leaving, feel completely adrift and simply cannot handle setting their own path in life.
Incredibly, this even happens when people spend too much time in prison. They become confortable with living there and after being released are completely unable to cope with life outside, and end up comitting a crime just to go back to something they feel confortable with.
In this case, i think living a lie is a high price to pay for a few friends and a sense of belonging. As others have said here, you can get these same things in another church whether from another denomination or non-denominational, and the control over your life and thoughts will be minimal. Why not give this a shot?
My guess is that you will never fully fit in if you go back. Sitting in a meeting rolling your eyes as you listen to things which you know are not true, only to be able to chit chat people at the end and perhaps go to dinner with them is hardly worth it.
By the way..."the truth a la carte".. love it. I'll remember that.
What's better? To be conditionally loved by many, or to not be loved by anyone? Besides, i'm looking to make friends with faders and people in it for family, people who I understand and who understand me. People who I can support and who can support me. If I can just develope a nice circle of "spiritually weak" friends, I think my return would have been a success.
not be loved by anyone?-Space Madness
I feel loved by many on this site. I have made real friends with some off the board, so can you. If you go and develop a circle of spiritually weak friends, stay in touch with us here.
And don't marry Bro IamSoFullofMyself's bossy daughter, PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM HER, you know the sister I mean, don't you?
My love to you Kate xx
SpaceMadness, do what is best for you, but may I ask how you have tried to make friendships outside of the jw's? Perhaps you have been hindered by residual guilt fro your jw days as you attemt to venture out into the world?
Some have suggested finding a new church. Since doctrine isn't an issue for you, why not find an active church where you will make unconditional friends & you can be involved in the goings on there? Is there not one person where you work that you connect with that you could hang out with ocassionally? Find an organization that interests you that you could volunteer at where you will meet people and do some good in the community as well.
True friendships take time to develop. There are ups & downs. But in the end, you have real friends who really care about you. If you go back, even the spiritually weak ones will abandon you if they feel you are spiritually weak. They don't want to be abandonded by their families. Please think about it. And remember, you have all your friends on here! I'm in SE Michigan, if you are in my area, I'd be happy to connect with you! All the best!
"And don't marry Bro IamSoFullofMyself's bossy daughter, PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM HER, you know the sister I mean, don't you?"
Wow! Have you been following me? I spoke to her for the first time in years Saturday and yes she is bossy, but she made it clear that she won't marry me because I don't meet her list of requirments for her potential husband. I guess all these poineer sisters with elder dads are the same. I must admit there is a part of me that wants to go back to win her love, but she has no idea I've been inactive for 6 years and if she ever found out she would never speak to me again. Not to mention her parents would never approve of me.
Ohhh, Space Madness
I am so glad you got my point. I really care about you and want whats best for you. Her dad will control you if you marry her so STAY AWAY my lovely Space Madness
Love Kate xx
<<<< How strange, then, that we have psychologists and psychiatrists in our congregations.>>>>
Hmm, I don't recall ever meeting anyone who was a JW and a psycholotist or psychiatrist. You must have had a unique congregation.
Returning to the Watchtower for friends is like finding happiness through drugs.
If they were really your friends, they wouldn't care if you were in the Watchtower or not. You are giving yourself up to an illusion of happiness.
