by cognisonance 96 Replies latest members private
How old are your parents? I only have read the first page where you mention they are getting up in years.
Sad thing is with us never celebrating birthdays, I don't know exactly how old my dad is. My mom though is 10 years younger than him. I had to look up via an online people finder directory to see their ages... He's 66, Mom's 56
What a heart wrenching story. I really feel for you. I didn';t think of how this would affect my mom when I left. Sadly now I am beginning to see something similar like this with her.
This both saddens me and angers me so much. How such loyalty to 'Jehovah' and their mind control can allow the splitting of a family, especially when you offered to have communication without any talk of religion. What makes me especially angry is that righteous behavior of being in the truth, doing what they are told, even though in their heart it pains them so much. "you need to return to Jehovah, not a religion" what BS...
My mom treats me as DF'd too, even though I'm not, but same results. Avoids me all she can. It sucks on both sides. No one wins in these situations.
cognisonance: I felt like I was talking to two different people
You were. Have you read any of Steven Hassan's works? I highly recommend Releasing the Bonds, his second book.
In it, he recommends only engaging the "authentic self" and to try to avoid talking to the "cult personality."
You were. Have you read any of Steven Hassan's works? I highly recommend Releasing the Bonds, his second book.
In it, he recommends only engaging the "authentic self" and to try to avoid talking to the "cult personality."
No I haven't read his books, though I am familiar with his BITE model. The only book on Cults that I've read (which has a few referrences specifically to JWs by the way) is Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships.
Interesting recommendation about avoiding talking to the "cult personality." I'll have to check it out at the library to see what he has to say, but do you mind elaborating just a bit on that? How does one only talk to the authentic self? Deflect?
My mom treats me as DF'd too, even though I'm not, but same results. Avoids me all she can. It sucks on both sides. No one wins in these situations.
I'm sorry to hear that happens for you. My family has extended family not in the truth. We rarely ever did things with them as a result (once maybe every 5-10 years!). Speaking of which... I need to reach out to them. Uncles, Aunts, etc. Get to know my extended family that I barely know.
Pfff. Hard to read. So recognizable. They love you, they have to know this is not Gods way! LOVE LOVE LOVE PLEASE LOVE EACHOTHER WITHOUT ORGANIZATIONAL RULES!!!
Heart-rendering, and eerily familiar! I had a very similar conversation with my parents, too. But I got them from eventually shunning me (altho' there is a good reduction in our interactions).
Here was the part that struck a cord in them:
Says I: "Mom, Dad you do this (shunning) for God right? Well, you think that makes it right? Now the Boko Haram (a terrorist Islamist group in my country) carry out suicide bombings everyday, and they claim they do it for God, for what they believe in. Do you think they were sincere in practising their beliefs? You feel they are sincere, right? Now does that ever justify what they did? Nope! Yes, doing something bad in God's name would never make it right! And you know shunning someone because of ideological differences is very bad- you guys taught us how bad racism and tribalism is, now this is worse than them both! And Dad, your greatgrandfather was an Ifa priest, his son, your grandfather was an Oshin worshipper and your father converted to what you now call part of Christendom. You, Dad chose to become a JW. Now, Dad, down history our family has been changing religious affliations down to you, has you heard of any disowning or shunning his progeny because of it? Now, if you belong to a religion that claims to be liberal, fair and has claims of "secrets to family happiness" tells you to shun your child, and create an emotional turmoil for all the family, something even the so-called heathen religions didn't do nor Christendom did, now tell me Dad and Mum, how accommodating and loving is your religion? So, if you allow a religion to dictate an unloving law to you, and you follow it and say you did it 'cause God said it, you are no better than Boko Haram members and I would also gladly divest myself of parents who have the mindset of terrorists!"
Now that really got them thinking, and they decided not to shun me again!
ThisFellowCheap,
Your logic is valid, but I'm surprised it worked. I'm very happy for you!
COGNIZANCE- Please know and be aware we are here for you my friend. What an awful conversation. I'm sure it hurt deep down horrifically. The WT Society holds a lot of accountability for turning off true human emotions inside these people, your mom & dad included. Your dad actually stated, " You know we want to hug you right ? But you know we just can't, right ? "
The only way I've been able to deal with my 2 adult JW daughters shunning me COG is to realize they are mentally ill due to the mind control influence of the WT Society. I mean, let's face it, ALL of our JW relatives are bat-$hit crazy some to a more extreme extent ( the fanatic JW's ) and some to a lesser extent ( the fringe partially active JWs ). If my daughters and your parents had REAL control of their sanity and minds they would choose to asociate with us and have normal human relationships. So for me it somewhat takes the sting out of my daughters shunning me by admitting to myself that they are victims of an EXTREMELY devious mind control manipulation by the WT Society. Unfortunately, yes mind control IS that powerful.
Just want you to know we are here for you as a friend and support, O.K. ? Many of us are going through these similar experiences. Hang in there my friend. Knw that you are among friends here who understand
