I wrote a big long story about the ways I've been hurt these past few years over the shunning policy but hit the wrong key and lost it all..............so here goes again.
I am a mother of 4 and my oldest daughter is still JW. I left over 14 years ago but had at least some contact with her although not as close a relationship as we had had. About 4 years ago she found out that her husband was cheating on her and so she left him and moved in with her best friends family in my town. I began to see her quite a lot more and offered her the support of a mother and actually was starting to feel like I had my daughter back again (the religion always put up a barrier between us once I decided to leave). After about a year, her husband 'repented' and begged for her to come back and since she was desparately wanting to get pregnant (and missed sex) she returned to him. Her best friend and many of the JW's disapproved but I just told her that I wished her happiness and tried to be supportive of her.
She went back and immediately got pregnant. Her husband at this time is disfellowshipped but going to meetings working towards reinstatement. This was about when the society started it's stepped up shunning campaign.
During my daughters pregnancy I visited her at her place a few times and my daughter was always adamant.......fearful even.......that I leave before her husband got home. I did but I told her I though that was strange since I had been the only one that didn't diss on him and supported their choice to get back together. I am ever the optimist...........
When the time came for the birth my daughter had complications and had to have an emergency C-section. I was not told and although I had tried to at least get text updates, none were given until my younger daughter texted and asked that they please contact me since I was very worried............Her words were twisted into something just so out of line with what she actually said (I kept the transcript) that I could see then how her husband was trying to manipulate Heather away from her family. It was just crazy.
I saw her and the baby only a handful of times and the last time was (unbeknownst to me at the time) the farewell visit by my daughter. My grandbaby was 6 mos. old at the time. He's almost 2 now.
I tried to at least send an 'I love you' text once a month to my daughter which never was responded to and the couple of times that I was responded to it was with curt unfeeling replies. So unnatural.
Last year I also lost my father..........for good. He died. But before he got sick he had been in contact with me for the past 5 years. Although the religion would come up we always had our 'discussions' and agreed to disagree. My dad was good with that. I might add that contact with dad started when my stepmother left him. It's so strange but they were both JW's going to separate congregations during that time and it was somehow OK.
In January of 2012 I had called my dad hoping maybe he could talk to my daughter and soften her stance a little. He wouldn't go there and said it was her choice............THEN he asks me why it is that I hate the organization so much and why don't I go back to meetings?
Um let me count the reasons! I wasn't disrespectful but carefully tried to speak of things I knew he'd remember......things like back during Rutherford's days and WWii and the general feelings of urgency of those times and also the 'hitler letter............couldn't leave that out'. Anyway, in the end, we again agreed to disagree.
It was in March that he got the diagnosis of stage 4 stomach cancer. He asked me to come out and see him. I was already booked to go to Hawaii and see my son and suggested I drop that and go immediately out to Arizona. Dad told me to go and enjoy visiting with my son and to come out afterwards.
While I was in Hawaii my dad got reunited with my stepmother and I will add here that even when I was a JW, she hated for him to have contact with any of his kids from his first marriage, moi included even though I was the only JW! So..........that attitude was still there and now she was armed with all the latest shunning articles which I'm quite sure she held in front of his face for that first week (for a week was all it took) before he'd acknowleged that he shouldn't be having any contact with me. I still couldn't believe my dad would totally shut me out at a time like this so I got a one way ticket to AZ as soon as I got home. My brother called me just before I was to leave and told me that dad told him to tell me.......................that I wouldn't be welcome at his home since I was 'an apostate'. My brother thought this was all terrible and he and other family members tried to reason with dad but to know avail.
I was down there for over a month and never got to speak to dad or see him once! My mom is down there too as well as siblings so the visit wasn't a total wasted effort but there it is!
Dad died in October of 2012.
I have ranged from extreme sadness to anger over these losses but life goes on and generally, I have good family time with my other children and relatives. Still.......I hope that Gandhi's words prove true (saw this on another thread)
"First they ignor you, Then they laugh at you, Then they fight you, Then you WIN!"
I hope so.