WT SHUNNING POLICY: What has it done, or could it do to you?

by flipper 106 Replies latest jw friends

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  nugget

  I am very lucky that I left with my husband and children. Two of my sisters are out of the organisation and only one remains in the cult along with my mother. My sister actively shuns my mother does not.

  It is a very surreal experience when you are in a room but treated as if you are not there. I look upon it that I can talk to anyone I like, I am not restricted it is my sister who is limiting herself unecessarily. It hurts but it is her choice however idiotic.

  It is funny that I am only aware of relatively few occasions when I have been shunned, however this is generally because when I am out I am focused on what I am doing and don't really notice people around me. There have been several incidents when my husband or children have pointed out to me that a witness is in the same store or has shunned us but I didn't even see them. What a waste of effort on their part.

  I did get shunned on Monday when I said hello to my mum's jw cleaner mistaking her for my sister and she ignored me. I carried on with the visit regardless of her. If she doesn't wish to be civil then that is her perogative.

  If I had never been a witness I would never have met or known these people anyway. So a few hundred people in the local area wish to forget every shared moment and every act of kindness and turn themselves into mindless robots. I have thousands more that I can choose to get to know and I have learnt to value the new friends I have made who like me for who I am not what I believe. I do not pine for the past I have too much future to cram in.
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  flipper

  NUGGET- A very good description of how shunning has actually opened UP your world to thousands of people who will accept you and like you as a friend for who you are unconditionally. I like your attitude. Very positive. It's like looking at the glass as half full as opposed to half empty. I look at the shunning thing in a similar way. If any of my JW relatives or former friends choose to shun me- I view it as THEIR loss, not mine. I do wish my adult JW daughters wouldn't shun me- but I won't let it affect me where I don't enjoy life still.

  We do find many more fantastic friendships outside the JW organization and for that I'm very thankful. Peace out, mr. Flipper
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  babygirl30

  It definitely has the potential to do more harm then good - as we all know - it's truly emotional blackmail. I think of those I know that have done themselves harm (or taken their lives) over being DF'd/shunned, and that to me is so sad...

  But I will say this: TALKING about the whole shunning scenario makes most people LAUGH! Even thinking about it now makes me laugh. I'm extremely outgoing, and am one of those people who always has a 'crowd' around her. So when I explain to my friends that my own parents do not speak to me and that in going to the Khall (which hasn't been in years), people who have known me since I was a baby IGNORE me as if I'm not even there - always ends up in the proverbial "are you kidding me?" and then it's followed by laughs! So the whole purpose of drawing me back into the fold backfires on them - not me. People get to see how disgusting shunning is...which is enough of a 'witness' for me! :-)
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  flipper

  BABYGIRL 30- I hear what you're saying. I've told non-Witnesses I know that some of my JW family shuns me ( my JW daughters ) and they find it incredible, almost unbelievable ! It's almost like a sarcastic laugh like " you've got to be kidding me, right " ? type of laugh. But then they get a serious look on their face when I tell them, " no, I'm serious, they shun me. " I mean- it's such barbaric, Neanderthal type behavior that non-Witnesses cannot believe it happens !

  My daughters shunning me like they do has REALLY backfired as I will never step a foot in a kingdom hall again unless a JW relative dies and has a memorial. Other than that, I'm done being around JW's as a group at all. You are right- it IS emotional blackmail and a dishonest way of trying to make an inactive JW being shunned to come crawling back to the organization. Over my dead body, no way. I totally relate. Peace out, mr. Flipper
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  TotallyADD

  My wife the other day talk to our youngest son on the phone. He told her he and his family was going back to the kingdom hall. She asked him so does that mean you will be shunning us? He could not answer her. Knowing him the way we do I think he will. The control the the cult has taken him over again. The best we can do is tell both of our boys we loved them and if they want to talk we will always be there for them. We feel they are the ones who have decided not to talk to us. NOT US. Emotional blackmail does not work with us. They can make all the excuses they want but it will be up to them to make things right again. Hopefully as they get older they will see what mom and dad have been saying is true. We can only hope. But for Mrs. Totally and I we will continue to move forward and make life better for us and for those around us. Thanks for listening Flipper. Totally ADD
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  Rebecca 619

  It has broken my heart my 20 year old son is dfd and if we are t the store or sonething and a wittness walks by does not even acknowledge my son hurts to the very core of my being, my son is a human being with feelings hes not invisible.
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  Narcissistic Supply

  Shunning is Batshit crazy. It's pathetic.

  Shame on you Jeho's. Shame on you.
• 

  flipper

  TOTALLY ADD- I'm so very sorry that you are experiencing this shunning, this heartbreaking action of your two sons in shunning you. This is one instance in life that I can TRULY say " I know how you feel " as you know because my two adult JW daughters 26 yrs.old and almost 25 yrs.old have shunned me for almost 10 years now . The WT Society is an evil, wicked organization and the leaders have a lot to answer for. It's really great that you are still telling your sons that you love them and try to keep in touch occasionally. My heart goes out to you and we'll keep in touch my friends. Just know Mrs. Flipper and I send our love and caring to you. Hang in there, all we can do is hope our kids wake up some day.

  REBECCA 619- I'm so sorry that your son experiences shunning as I know it is extremely hurtful. Please know that we send our love to you and you are in our thoughts. You and your son. Please tell him for us.

  NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY- You are SO correct. Shunning IS bat-$hit crazy. It's barbaric, hateful, and morally wrong. WT leaders should be brought up on hate crime charges . Peace out, mr. Flipper
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  Butterflyleia85

  I feel like shunning is horrible always have... but I remember when I did it myself so going though this was good for me... I never want my kids to experience any of it! They will know true love.
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  Aunt Fancy

  Reading Venetian's letter made me cry along with the other experiences. It is such a cruel practice and one that bothered me from day one. There are too many people who have been destroyed because of it and it is very wicked practice. I will never understand how they can justify it when there is no account in the bible of Jesus doing it to his friends and family. The GB is so blood guilty for their evil policies and I truly hope if there are any out there on the fence that they will read these heartbreaking stories and open their eyes.

  Not to long before we faded we were with a couple whose daughter was DFed and we stood by their side through it and after she was reinstated I said to them at a gathering how wrong I thought the practice was and he turned and said oh no it isn't! After the abuse his daughter took and they were shunned by most in the cong while it was going on and he couldn't see the harm.

  I feel very fortunate because my family were never JW's so the reverse happened to me when I left. My relationship with my family while I was in was strained because of it but we never stopped contact and once I left, my family was there for me supporting me. I am thankful every day for them and it only makes me realize what a crazy religion it truly is. My relationship with my only child was damaged because of the religion and as soon as we left we talked very openly with each other and that improved 100%.

  We have lost most of our "friends" but that is ok. We have faded and so far when I see them around town they talk but there could be those that run the other way and I am not aware of it. When we just started to fade I found out I had early stage breast cancer and I had no support at all from those that I considered close friends and it did hurt but I moved on and decided they just are not worth it to stress over. It has been hard making new friends but at least my relationship with my family has grown so much so it was worth it.

  I have mentioned this before but one of my sisters told me that every Christmas my Dad would cry because I wasn't with them. One year he told the family that Aunt Fancy is in a cult and we need to do whatever we can to keep her with us and not lose contact with her. He was so afraid that I would walk away from them but I could never cut ties with them.

  My heart really breaks for all of those who have lost their families and friends over this, the pain must be so great. I have lived through some very difficult periods and gone through painful times but I am thankful I came out with my husband and I have a loving family standing with me. I realize now who truly loved me unconditionally. It is sad but it isn't the "friends" I thought I had.