Well there's something about to happen at the end of this month for me. I've told my story in another area of this forum but a real quick summary is that I've been out for 17 years now. I have three siblings still in and three of us are out. My stepbrother and I have been out for a long time and my stepsister has been out for just a year now. It's great having her back in our lives but we're waiting for the other three. So on the 26th our little sister is getting married. She's the youngest. (I'm the oldest) My brother who is an elder will be officiating the wedding and my other brother will be a groomsman. So three will be on stage and three will be in the audience. It's going to be very strange I'm sure. Not to mention the dirty looks we'll all be getting from those we knew and loved. I'm sure my dad will say hi and then quickly excuse himself like he did at my younger brothers wedding. His wife will say hello and quickly walk away and so will our Grandmother, someone who was my closest confidant growing up and who now won't speak to me because I don't believe in the teachings of a "publishing company" that parades itself as a religion. Anyway, it's going to be tough and if I think about it for too long I get sick to my stomach. I'm just waiting for May to be over. It will be great to see family members who are out and some friends who were never witnesses to begin with but the thought of stepping into a Kingdom Hall must be what vampires feel towards a cross! LOL
I just wish we had a "normal" family. You know, the kind you see in the movies where everyone is excited about a wedding, and everyone is invited to the reception too, not just the wedding. Where people actually show their love to each other and include the whole family. Where it truly is a joyous occasion for all involved. I'd considered not going but there are a few reasons that made me decide to go. One, she's my sister and I want to be there for her even with things so messed up. Two, this may be the last time that I see some of my family members, ever. I'll be able to meet my two nephews, finally. Three, I'm sure I won't have a panic attack like I did at the last wedding since I do feel stronger, so I'm guessing it builds character! Four, as stressful as all of this is, I do want them to see that I'm truly okay. That I'm happy and I'd prefer them to be in my life but I'll move on with or without them. It's not me who chooses to be without them, it's them who shuns me, that my love for them is unconditional and I'd be there for any of them without hesitation, with open arms and no judgement because that's what love is and that's what family does. Maybe, just maybe my being there will cause some thinking for someone on some level. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. But if I don't go then none of that is possible.