Bipolar Landlady kicks me out!

by Terry 140 Replies latest jw friends

  • mrsjones5

    Her loss. Sounds like you had a wonderful day anywhoo.

  • cofty

    I'm glad you had a great day Terry

  • soft+gentle

    you have many good people in your life, Terry. I'm impressed your "bipolar landlady" even washed your clothes. to tell you the truth I also would have told you to fuck off if you had sent me an e-mail like that and I'm certainly not bipolar, nor do I have any kind of mental disorder.

    The truth is we can no longer make choices that will enable us to live as freely as we did before. But to continue to enjoy a measure of freedom it is important to be able to take a cool rational look at our options and to work with them as far as poss. Take charge of your guilty feelings by talking to someone professional as this may help to achieve some detachment from them and then to be able to engage with people like your "manipulative" cousin (who are around to help) to see that even something that seems manipulative to you can have less emotional resonance and be taken up in a fresh pragmatic way.

    the way I see it if we want to be cared for in a detached objective environment then we are thinking institutional care and this is very expensive. Family care comes with more subjective relationships like you have described in your dealings with your family (I'm afraid this is still how it is coming across to me). Family are not objective professionals but they will put their heart and soul into whatever they do for one and there is nothing as precious as this.

    Some sort of guidance counselling or arbitration could help in this situation as I really do like the sound of your family and your place in it - kudos to all of you.

    edit: I'm assuming that none of the family you have mentioned are witnesses any longer but that perhaps carry scars from having been so in the past

  • Terry

    I'm impressed your "bipolar landlady" even washed your clothes. to tell you the truth I also would have told you to fuck off if you had sent me an e-mail like that and I'm certainly not bipolar, nor do I have any kind of mental disorder.

    My Cousin Deb has a life strategy that never works for her. She violates boundries.

    But, at the start, it is a very benevolent violation. It builds up credibility as a generious and kind person which eventually morphs into a checklist

    of "I've done this for you and that for you..." In other words, it is passive aggressive manipulation. A slap with a velvet glove.

    Her Mom would do this too.

    She lavished unwanted and unnecessary gifts on neighbors and acquaintances to the point of embarassment.

    They would protest and squirm and eventually give up even trying to discourage her.

    Both Deb and her Mom, by the way= impossible to dissuade!!

    So the interpersonal balance is immediately imbalanced and two people who should be equals are no longer equal and the upper hand is established.

    Both Mom and daughter like to talk about how generous they themselves are; how kind their nature and self-sacrificing and self-effacing.

    At first you feel awkward and figure it is just a personality quirk. Eventually you decide they are INVITING agreement.

    Deb would collect dirty laundry every single day. She had the washer and dryer going 365 days a year!

    In other words, the hamper was never more than half full for an hour---EVER!


    She needs to occupy herself with details of either movement, task or mission at all times.

    When she is in her (what I'll call) manic phase, she will only discuss ONE subject over and over and over and ask your agreement and support for

    whatever plan she is concocting.

    Case in point:

    Deb and Bobby are motorcyclists. Oh heck--they are "bikers".

    She has the tattoos and "doo-rags" and fringe leather jackets, boots to go with it.

    Okay. Not my thing, but, if it makes her happy---go for it.

    She was non-stop trying to get me into one of those outfits and climbing on the back of Bobby's Harley for a day trip!

    The boundry violation begins after you say "No thank you." The pressuring, persuading, cajoling, arguing, enticing, bargaining simply ramp up from that second forward RELENTLESSLY!

    Deb does not take "NO" for an answer. You are DOOMED if you try to resist.

    Well, I resisted. I was never insulting, unpleasant, loud, fretfull or condescending in my refusal.

    I got Bobby to understand immediately without offense: "Bobby, what if I invited you to go to an Opera in white tie and tails---how would feel?"

    Bobby laughed and said, "I guess that wouldn't work for me." End of discussion. Right?

    Yes, for Bobby it was.

    But--Deb took it as very offensive and belittling.

    And so on and so on..

    She establishes a "moral" leverage over you by incessantly doing things "for" you no matter how you beg her not to and then she presents you with the Tab.

    Call me churlish--but, I refuse to be manipulated.

    It is insulting to me when you don't respect me enough to let my "No, thank you" stand.

    As far as telling me to "Fuck off, asshole" and then me just smiling and being expected to say "Thank you ma'am, may I please have another..."

    I have put up with it out of consideration for her mental state. I could rip her a new one verbally IF I CHOSE TO---I have not chosen to. All I have done is use the gentlest and most neutral language I can manage. My strength of restraint has frayed to the edges. I am glad I'm out of there.

    I can wash my own laundry.

  • EntirelyPossible

    to tell you the truth I also would have told you to fuck off if you had sent me an e-mail like that and I'm certainly not bipolar, nor do I have any kind of mental disorder.

    Sound like you and bi-polar chick are two peas in a pod.

  • sooner7nc

    soft+gentle I went back and checked out many of your threads over the past year. You are either a trollish instigator or a nutcase. I lean towards nutcase.

    I hope your doing well this week Terry.

  • Terry

    I hope you're doing well this week Terry.

    Thank you. Today was wonderful!

    My youngest daughter (17), Helena, is practically a shut-in. She has a real anxiety problem and has taken to her bed. She mostly sleeps.

    She is such a wonderful person that even if she weren't my daughter I would do everything I could to coax her out of that womb of a room.

    Yesterday I got her to try out a bicycle. And just by riding it a little (and encouraging) I could tell she was enjoying it.

    Today, she and I went riding on the bike trails together.

    Wow, did she do GREAT! We went a little under 40 miles.

    That is amazing.

    She has little energy because she never does anything but sleep. Yet, she was a natural. The first time she ever road a bike was about 5 or six years ago and this was the third. (Yesterday the 2nd).

    Like a fish to water.

    She only had one mishap. She was behind me and I kept glancing back to see how far away she was. Suddenly she wasn't!

    I stopped and looked.

    She had taken a big spill-crumpled under her bike on the cement.

    Doomsday scenarios flashed through my mind--you better believe it!

    But, no. No tears. No pains or complains. Her knee was bleeding but--she remained calm.

    "I rode off the pavement into the rut between sidewalk and grass!"

    She took it in her stride.

    I kept checking her and it was just a knee thing.

    So, we made it back to the car and she never once complained.

    I told her she was the "son I always wanted" and she laughed. I think she was very proud of herself.

    I made her show her brother and sister her wound--like a badge of courage. I told her how importand "first blood" is to a brave soldier (in mock serious tone and language.) She got it.

    I drove to the grocery store to get a large bandage and some Gatorade and soup and in comes my Ex-wife, Helena's mom!

    "I just saw Helena in the car outside....singing....and bleeding....."

    I gave her my cheesy shit-eating grin and fumbled with my phone. "Shall I look up the number to CPS? (Child protective services).

    She rolled her eyes. She knows my sense of humor.

    I could see that Mom was impressed at Helena's good spirits.

    I was too. She seldom smiles. Today she smiled plenty.

    All in all--this day cost under $10 and was a tremendously good experience. When life is like this it is good indeed!

  • tec

    That is awesome :)



  • sooner7nc

    Good indeed! That's sounds awesome Terry.

  • soft+gentle

    thankyou sooner. thanks for replying Terry and explaining more about your cousin Debbie. I truly am impressed at how multitasking she is. I must be a nutcase for thinking she and her hubby also sound very sexy, adventurous and loving.

    I've done 45km (15 miles) on my bike and I was whacked (I must be a nutcase and mentally ill). so you took your 17yr old for a 40 mile ride and this was her 3rd attempt on the bike. She tumbled and bruised her knees but is smiling and singing about it whilst her mum ferries her away in the car. I would be singing and smiling then and I must also be a very negative person to hope that her mum doesn't let you take her bike riding again.

    edit: I am also returning to the KH with my family - I can't get out of here soon enough. thanks for helping me make my resolution. prasie Jah

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