by AuntConnie 174 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
If you are real, you are on the road to some serious mental health issues. Antidepressants are not addictive. You need counseling and you need meds. You are seriously angry and very confused about what really matters in life.
If not, well, interesting thread.
Take the antidepressants, get some outdoor exercise that does not involve the preaching work.
BTW, I noticed this phrase:
church elder held in high esteem
not really a JW phrase, is it?
good spot hortensia.....TROLL ALERT!
Well, AuntConnie, I am glad you found a place to vent. Sounds like it's a long time coming.
I would like to suggest that in addition to writing more to get out your frustrations, disappointments and anger, take some time to just be quiet and think on some of the comments that people have shared here on your thread.
We are all types of people here and our collective experience is enormous.
On page one of the thread someone suggested you say 'Thank you' for having this free site available to you. Someone developed it and continues to pay every month out of his pocket and he spends his time to maintain it. There are 1000's of people who contribute their thoughts and support.
Instead of hearing any shred of appreciation for anything in your past and present life, you just seem so hateful and angry. Too hateful to even say 'thank you' to the dozens of people who took time out of their evening to respond to your rant.
And this comment in your last post is probably the most un-Christ-like thing I have ever heard: "we both decided they are weak and don't deserve to associate with us."
I hope you stick around a bit. And, as has already been suggested, you may want to consider visiting a psychologist in your area. Your emptiness and disatisfaction and anger come across loud and clear. It's not normal and it's not healthy. It's definitely not reflective of christianity in any form.
-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)
Edit to Add: I see that AuntConnie edited her last post to include a thank you. That was nice. Thank you - and you are welcome.
I thought this website is for Jehovah Witnesses either active or inactive, good status or bad status.
You must understand how confusing your posts are, dear AC (peace to you!), when you rant about your parents associating with people they aren't supposed to, etc., and then you come here and basically do the same. I mean, can you really expect sympathy from people you've pretty much insulted from your very first post? I realize you may be a deeply indoctrinated JW (or not, per some's "troll radar") but surely you know it's not good manners to come into another's home and insult them from the get go, by treating them as if THEY are beneath YOU? And you ARE entering our homes, so to speak, via the Internet.
I am not the most gracious person on the planet myself, and I tend to be blunt and not water things down, but even I know that you can't say things like:
"they talk to disfellowshiped people which I find contemptible."
while talking to such people yourself! Perhaps by "bad status" you meant everything EXCEPT disfellowshipped, but I assure you... there are those here, too. Including yours truly. Very much so. So, perhaps rather than arbitrarily disgorging your angst in an unbridled rant, you should stop here and take a moment and look around and try to "see" just where it is you ARE (not Kansas, obviously).
We're a peculiar sort, here, yes... and even we insult one another from time to time. But we don't usually start off that way, not right off the bat. No, we usually wait until we've been around a sec and kind of gotten to know the folks we insult a little better. You know, in case they turn out to be someone we actually know off board... and care. You might want to consider that.
Again, peace to you!
Your servant and a slave of Christ,
SA
@Hortensia - Good catch. I noticed that, too. One of those things that raises an eyebrow.
Troll or not, I prefer to not label and let the conversation progress. Who knows but that newbies and lurkers get something out of the discussion.
I still call troll.
jgnat, the sisters I know who started taking antidepressants gained weight and lost their motivation (not wanting to get out of bed in the morning) I asked them what it was like, the commonality of antidepressants was that they make you feel numb. The stigma attached to taking these medications is still strong among the brothers, even if we have a higher than normal reliance on these medications in our community. I am afraid of addiction and gaining weight and turning off even more emotionally (what if my apathy spreads to my kids, and my low sex drive?).
My husband would never allow me to take these medications, he despises the brothers and sisters who take them, and can't get away from them quick enough. My taking antidepressants would mean my whole family from my side of the family is screwed up, I am the only one who does not take them. Thanks jgnat and others who understand my rant and rave, although it started out in a bad example, I have problems that need to be addressed.
BP: I am deeply in the something I can't leave, it's my whole life and who can I mention any of my feelings to? We had a meeting part on JW.org and the emphasis on keeping away from other websites (local needs part) so I don't think anyone from my circuit will visit this site. My husband is not a listening person, after meetings he heads for the TV and that's it. Unless he want's sex, the TV is his best friend.
There are times I felt like a prisoner in my marriage, my husband has helped me build a hatred against my parents, his mother abandoned him when he was teen. His mother left his younger brother and sister for a pedophile and his dad took off before he was born. He hates my parents, I think part of his anger is not so much Watchtower policy, it's the fact his mother and father abandoned him and our family was very close until I married him and he moved me two thousand miles away. He hated it when I would call them as a teenage married girl, my parents screwed up letting us marry at age 17.
I have problems that need to be addressed
You certainly do.
Trying to be a nicer person would be a good start.
I am the wife of a ministerial servant, and I do sort of get your rant, although I hope I never meet you, I am on antidepressants and they work wonders for me, my mind is like a TV and won't turn off at night and so I take one before bedtime. My dh is always being asked to fix stuff also and one of the few bros who aren't self employed and one week he worked 80 hrs due to being on call and still had to work Mon-Wed before getting off for a holiday and sure enough someone called cause their AC was broken, had it not been the 96 year old women I would of had more to say about it, cause my husband was sooooooo tired and all he wanted to do was lay down. Any time there is a get together my dh seems to have to mow the KH lawn and isn't there to help with our kids etc. I only feel resentful though towards those that really seem to take advantage and it isn't the poor ones its the wealthier ones who ask for his service and don't want to pay. There was one lady though that went so far as to remind him he was her brother and he was obligated to help, I didn't care for that.
AUNT CONNIE- Welcome to the board. Like yourself I was a born-in JW from birth. At age 44 I stopped attending meetings due to unjust and criminal conduct by allegedly " spirit appointed elders " . That was 9 years ago. I relate to the tension you are speaking of. My dad was a city overseer for almost 40 years. I have an older brother who has been an elder for 40 years, was at Bethel for 8 years. And guess who had pressure put on HIM to live up to the family legacy ? Right, me.
Did I have the capability to live up to that legacy ? Sure I did. I had circuit assembly and district assembly parts, was a Ministerial servant for 6 years giving traveling public talks in my 20's - but I CHOSE to step aside due to the very problems you are talking about. Politics and over controlling lunatics power mad giving out orders to underling publishers who are judged unfairly because they got in 6 hours a month in service instead of the national average of 10 hours ! But like you stated if you and your elder husband are having to martyr yourselves for every " weak " JW in your congregation with a damned hangnail - then the underling lunatic JW publishers you provide service to - have taken over the asylum.
So- If that's the case you need to ask yourself about all these incongruous situations causing you duress . Is it possible that the WT organization is screwed up from the top down from the GB down to the elders trickling down to the publishers in the congregation ? Perhaps it's the WAY things are done in the organization that is driving you crazy . So much emphasis is put on performing " WT functions " perfectly that the fruitages of the spirit " love, joy, peace, mercy, kindness, etc. " are cast aside as an afterthought because the main priority is the doing and performing of these WT functions perfectly.
You yourself mentioned that your husband likes the limelight in his position in the organization. That's not exactly a crime as you mentioned - it can and has brought you many " benefits ". That being said having been a JW for over 40 years I am also quite aware that in many JW's that they emphasize " outward appearances " and how they " appear " to others in the congregation in their respective positions of authority as compared to being just someone who wants and desires to do loving kind acts without getting any attention or notoriety at all.
Think about it. If you stepped out of the Jehovah's Witness hurricane for just a few minutes and had a vantage point or view of it from somewhere else than the eye of the hurricane inside a kingdom hall - you would see families being swept around in a windstorm and tornado being divided ( such as is happening even in your family ) and much pain of heart and shunning and suffering going on.
As an inactive JW I appeal to your sense of conscience. In my allegedly " spiritual " JW extended family - I have some of my JW relatives who will associate with me. I don't smoke, don't drug, don't cheat on my wife- in fact I'm a better person than I was inside the Witnesses. Yet even though I've done NOTHING to be DFed for, I have two adult " pioneer " daughters who have shunned me for 9 years. Do I deserve this ? No. Why do my daughters shun me ? Because they are being taught screwed up , psychologically damaging hate speech and conduct from the WT Society. And yet, I understand also my daughters are controlled by a " high control " organizationin their minds. If my daughters needed me tomorrow, I'd be right there with love to help them. And THAT my friend is how you separate the hate from the pain you are feeling about your life. You have to dig deeper and see what is causing you this deep down frustration. It's not just the dumb publishers. It's not your " stupid " parents. ( your words, not mine )
What's causing your angst is within yourself and until you are honest with yourself and research this organization on your own instead of taking everything they say on credulity - you'll remain the same frustrated, unhappy individual you are revealing to us. Do yourself big favor, get REAL access to information about the WT Society and the REAL light will start gradually being revealed to you . Then the tornado and hurricane in your life will calm down. Just my 2 cents. I wish you the best . If you ever want to talk on the phone or chat, just private mail me or my wife, we'd love to talk
