Question for the men

by SafeAtHome 118 Replies latest social relationships

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  elderelite

  I too am little weary of some of the gals who dismiss and minamize what drives marriages apart... We know nothng, really. Its all speculation and guess work, but ive known too many men who tried their all to make it work with women who simply wernt on the same page with them..

  Yes. Some men are simply self absorbed ass holes who want to do what they what they want when they want. They are looking for a fling and an ego trip.

  But plenty are driven by a need for compainionship and love by cold women who decided they "were no longer in love" or who didnt know what that mean in the first place.. A man is not obligated to spend the rest of his life suffering under the thumb of a coldhearted selfish bitch because he said "i do" when he was 19.

  Im not saying hes right or that it was justified, only that some gals are presuming innocence of the poster. We know nothing. What i do know is that happily married men can and are are faithful, to a fault. affairs, emotional or physical, dont happen by accident. There is a cause and, probably, numerous problems. Man bashing isnt the answer.
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  AGuest

  Here, here, dear BP and Robdar (peace to you, both!)!!! You both beat me to it! I LOVE my husband - he really is a great guy: kind, caring, humble, generous... GREAT listener!... maybe all but 1-2 of the qualities that make a "perfect" husband (for one, he doesn't cook - but he's learning, so...). BUT... if he "decided" to have an illicit affair... of any type... I'm not worried about the WOMAN: my ONLY concern is HIM.

  Somewhere on this board I posted how we women are sometimes our worst enemy. Blaming the "other woman" is one place were we call into this category. It's letting men off the hook in a most ridiculous way (and, as dear Wobble - peace to you! - intimated above... they're not above "helping" us do that!).

  Every adult is responsible... and thus, accountable... for his/her own choices, actions, and inactions. Including the husband of a "cold" wife.

  Again, peace to you dear folks!

  A slave of Christ,

  SA, who really hasn't a jealous bone in her body, so if the husband DID decide to "go out" on her... she would most probably tell him to go on and STAY out (there), 'cause I don't know if I'd really want to continue with someone who doesn't have enough regard for ME, let alone himself... to not come and discuss any "problems" we might be having. You wanna "talk" to her? By all means... please... go do so. Tell HER "all about it"... and quit wasting MY time and life...
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  Robdar

  I was on the dating scene for a long time. Many times when a married man came on to me, I would ask them why they weren't at home with their wife. They almost always responded that their wife didn't want to have sex with them or doesn't like sex. To which I would always respond, "Why? What did you do to turn your wife off to the point that she no longer wants to give you some loving?"

  This always surprised the men. I guess they thought I'd be willing to help them out. But why should I? Cheaters are liars and more than likely they have a very good woman waiting for them at home. And as for the sex, THEY are probably the ones not giving it to their wife. After all, how much semen do you have left over for your wife when you are giving everything that you've got to another woman?
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  Robdar

  Much love to you, SA.
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  mrsjones5

  I'm with you Shelby. My husband is a very outgoing man, has a lot of friends both male and female. I've only had a problem with one (a lady who had a problem with boundries). It got to the point of her calling my house and asking for my husband without so much as a greeting to me. "Where's Shawn?" would be her way of greeting. I was never unpolite to the woman but you better believe Shawn was told that HE better fix the situation before I lose my cool.
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  wasblind

  hello there Mrs. Jones :)

  I guess the Mr. fixed it cause your not in jail ;)
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  elderelite

  Always glad to see the feminist "girls can do no wrong" contingent out and vocal as ever..

  Yea, cause guys would rather go out, spend money at a bar to take a chance on getting laid rather than stay at home curled up with their wife after passionate love making..

  Cause the wife is sooooooo loving and kind and willimg to make it work that he just had to leave and go to a bar looking for a random hook up.

  Makes sense
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  TheSilence

  But plenty are driven by a need for compainionship and love by cold women who decided they "were no longer in love" or who didnt know what that mean in the first place.. A man is not obligated to spend the rest of his life suffering under the thumb of a coldhearted selfish bitch because he said "i do" when he was 19.

  I agree, he should not feel obligated to spend the rest of his life suffering. What he *should* feel obligated to do is tell her the truth. Be a man and say you're sleeping around and if that's not cool then we end this. Or be a man and end it before you sleep around. This excuse holds no water for me whatsoever. A man talked talks to his wife and she ignores him so that gives him permission to screw around on the side? Two wrongs don't make a right. If she's unwilling to talk and make it work then you leave, you man up and leave your comfortable home to find whatever it is you are looking for. You decide what is most important to you... the comfortable home or the sex... and you pursue it. If you want both then you find someone you can have both with. But you don't lie and cheat to have one thing from one woman and something else from another. You want to have an open relationship, that's fine with me, but it works both ways. Otherwise you stay true to your vows or you leave if what you're not getting is that important to you. I have no tolerance for this argument at all. Grown men should be able to make the hard choices.
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  mrsjones5

  Hm, I didn't say I've never done wrong. I had one slip up too. Hubby and I worked it out and now we're stronger than ever. When I think about what happened and how I hurt my husband you better believe that I kick myself for losing my mind.

  Josie *of the I'm not Miss Perfect class*
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  Broken Promises

  Always glad to see the feminist "girls can do no wrong" contingent out and vocal as ever..

  That was NOT the point of my post. I was simply pointing out the disparity of those judging the 2nd woman vs those judging the man for his actions. The man has chosen to go outside his marriage for an emotional and possible physical relationship. Everyone was assuming the 2nd woman was out for his money or some other terrible reason for being with him.

  Instead, I was bringing the focus back to the man, as he has an obligation to his wife. If he wishes to not have that obligation, then he can leave and the marriage is finished. Again, it's all about choice. It's not like the man has been unwittingly swooned by this 2nd woman and has no control over his actions.