H O N E S T Y
Question for the men
I would not propose how to tell you to deal with your relationship, but as soon as you start bending the truth, ie, lying, it all goes to shit.
sometimes, telling the truth means you will break up ..
do you want to live a lie?
I would have forgiven my first husband. I loved him. He had a severe drug problem though and I was a new mother. I didn't want his problems endangering me or the baby. Like I said, there are more damaging things someone can do than having an affair.
Bring me coffee in bed, and I'm yours.....and that other stuff too.
I agree with rodbar that some people are simPly selfish and incapable of having an adult relationship and no matter how much you give they always want more.
I respinded as i did though on the premise that you indicated that the two of you are compatable and that you have been happy for the last 26 years. That dosent sound like either of you are that inherintly selfish type that sadly does exsist.
What i described is a typical male/female interaction that goes astray. And once again i completly agree with FHN. Too high a premiuim is put on sex..
Dubbie lands tells us that only sex breaks the marrige vow. Conversly though a LACK of sex does not... So which is it...? Is sex soooooo super important and sacred that anyone other than your mate equals a divorce and a df'ing and thus death at the big A, or is it that in a marriage sex is nice but if its not there get over it, your stuck..? I know the women will retort that they get beat over the head about holding out and tha they are pressured by the org to give in to their husbands whims, but im telling you from the other side that if a woman wont give in the elder can do nothing, and a man cannot seek satisfaction elsewhere. Its a "get over it" situation. So which is it..? Marrige ending or not?
Now, even talking about sex via txt is a judicial matter... Way to much emphisis instead of focus on real relationship issues..
But to orginal point.... Its usualy not overnight and its a usually not one single thing. If you really love him the course would clearly seem to try ro fix it. You dknt lose out when you try to salvage it.
Husbands have been known to hold out the sex and cause a wife to seek it elsewhere, too. As far as I am concerned, witholding affection and sex, especially for long periods, is just as damaging as an affair.
I agree fhn... But thats the point. In dubbie land witholding doesnt equal grounds for divorce but getting it somewhere else does. Its not consistant
Watson, Andy used to bring me coffee in bed. I really loved that. When he visits, and we are just very fond friends, he still makes the coffee and brings it to me. I do the same for him. Coffee bringers are pretty cool.
Holding out on sex is cruel. Men and women both do it. I had a jw for my second husband and he did it. After ten years he came around wanting it again. I told him that I needed him to woo me back after all the rejection. Romance me, you know? He never got the chance. I ended up going to Hawaii to help my pregnant daughter. He filed for a divorce, after years of threats. I called his bluff and hired a lawyer. I never had that problem in my first marriage, he was the opposite.