Question for the men

by SafeAtHome 118 Replies latest social relationships

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    Not to revive a dead horse, but this quote is classic!!!!!

    Women crying about betrayal do well to examine wha they think their obligations are... Cause taking the life HE provides while giving NOTHING in return is the text book definition of a parasite not a "wife"

    I'm sitting here at work cracking up over this.

  • EmptyInside

    SafeAtHome,you know your husband better than anyone, I still say,open,honest communication.

    And about emotional affairs,or I guess any kind,sometimes,they are not planned. They don't have an agenda. Sometimes,it's two people connecting,and before they both know it,it's on a too intimate level. And it's best not to let it get to that point,but,when,it does,it's time to step back and do the right thing,no matter how painful.

  • SafeAtHome

    Wow, you guys are overwhelming me. My internet has been out since last night and I am was passing the library so thought i would pop in to read if anyone else posted. Man, who needs a therapist with all of you? Hopefully my connection will be up later this evening and I will catch up on the comments.

    For the one who asked, yes, I love him, and I don't want to see him get hurt either, if this hasn't gone too far and it can be helped. I also don't want to be in a position of always being able to hold this over him, that would become a wedge between us. I would love to resolve this with as little drama as possible, if it's not too late. That's why my original question was should I tell him I know, so as to "nip it in the bud" as Barney Fife would say.

  • nugget

    SafeatHome this is a difficult thing giving any sort of emotional investment to someone who is not your spouse is a dangerous game. What starts as flattery can develop into infatuation. Some women go for married men because they can have a flirtation with no strings, some women don't care whether a man is married or not. Neither scores very highly on the morality scale.

    If you know for certain then I would address it with him. I would start by saying you love him but something has come up that you need to discus with him. I would tell him what you know and give him an opportunity to explain what is going on. Try to keep reasonable and keep from recrimination. If it turns out that he has flirted over the internet but has not gone further then tell him that this upsets you and tell him if he wants to flirt then why doesn't he drop you some emails from work instead. I would ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed and you were receiving texts and messages from another man? Ask him what he intends to do? He is after all playing a dangerous game if the person is a work colleague and things sour then sexual harrasment charges may be thrown at him. Encourage him to talk frankly and openly and say your aim is to get things back on track not to recriminate.

    What I will say is if you open the can of worms are you ready to hear the worst and can you deal with it? It may be he is confused about his own feelings or he may have thought it was just a bit of fun no harm done. Marriages need trust and love by talking calmly you maintain your dignity and give him a way to get out of this without the fear that all trust has been lost. I really hope this was a moment of stupidity and you can both move past it he is lucky to have you.

  • SafeAtHome

    You guys are cheering me up to no end! At this point, I am sitting back watching you all go at it! (My internet is back up BTW). I don't know any of you, I'm a newbie here, but I love and thank you all for the advice and entertainment.

    Vampire....Thanks, I had come across that article too. In a way #2 & #3 is what got me to asking this question, I was conflicted on the way to go.

    Nugget: That is the question, can I deal with it. Your advice is great, I have been thinking something along those lines, but not too detailed, just a mention that I feel he is pulling away and what can I do, is there anything he needs to talk about, etc. I will say, he has never been a great communicator, never comfortable with serious discussions. I always thought that was true with most men, but you guys have proven me wrong! LOL

  • jamiebowers

    For all of those complaining about attacks on the "other woman", please note that SAH stated early on that this particular "other woman" is known to pursue men for financial gain. I never said that all "other women" were just in it for the payday or are primarily to blame. That being the case, SAH's husband is being conned by a grifter. Yes, he should know better, especially since he is of a mature age and a married family man. But in my estimation, this kind of affair is different than just married man meets single woman, and they fall in love. This is a case where a highly skilled interloper is leading an older man on for financial profit, regardless of his state of matrimony.

  • nugget

    Good point Jamie I missed that bit of the thread. If this woman is a predator then he needs a reality check. There is no affection in what she is doing no romance and no genuine feelings. He needs to wake up to what he has before he throws it all away on a piece of trash.

  • SafeAtHome

    Yes, Jamie, that sums her up exactly. That is how my friend who works with her describes her. She has the manager twisted around her finger to get the schedule she wants, even if it unfair to others. But that is why she tells me to wait it out, that once she gets what she needs from him, it will blow over, run its course. But I just have to get a handle on some proof that she may be getting money from him, but I think I need a few more weeks to see if I can spot any descrepancies in the finances. I hate to describe him as the nerdy type, but he is and apparently she is attractive, 12 years younger. Why can't they ever be 12 years older and rotund??!!

  • PSacramento


    You say you love him, then speak to him, openly and honestly with love in your heart.

    Tell him how you feel, why you love him and why you are hurt.

    You maybe right or you maybe wrong, but your feelings and concerns are real and he deserves to know and YOU deserve to know.

  • Nickolas

    What PSac said.

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