Dear Nebeska Nada,
I'm new here, but I'm also "new" as to leaving WT. Hence, I still remembers lots of things in WT.
One thing for sure: People OUTSIDE WT are not as mean as her Elders.
Elders ONLY interest is image of WT (directly or indirectly). Our life (alive or dead) is secondary to them.
But ever since I left WT and joined a Church, I realized there are many, many, many people worldwide (often condemned by WT, e.g. Church Pasrtors, Counsellors) are actually very, very loving people. In fact many are humble enough to acknowledge they are inexperience with ex-JW and expressed their lack in ability to help. But one thing for sure, they're there when you need a listening ear.
Personally, I encourage you to remove all fears, walk into a mainline Church (I personally recommend Baptist, Methodist, Angelican or Presbyterian and avoid Charismatic like Assembly of God, Pentacostal for starters,... sorry for those there, no bad intention by me,...) and talk to the Pastor. These are the initial "WT Obstacles" to overcome:
1) The cross. It's not an idol. It's like the Ark of Covenant. It represents God's presence. NO ONE IN THE CHURCH KNEEL DOWN AND WORSHIP IT.So the presence of the cross represents the presence of Christ with the Church, not for the purpose of worship.
2) The Hierarchy. Yes, there are Pastors, Reverends, Bishops, etc around. But there are also Elders, Ministerials Servants, CO, DO, ZO, GB, etc, etc, etc, in WT. Much more than the Church Hierarchy if you look into Bethel hierarchy. This hierarchy system is for the operation of the Church. Go there and see whether they are given God-like powers like the Elders in WT. You'll be surprises they call you "brother" out of a real heart.
3) The Trinity. Temporary put aside. But rest assured, after you study the scriptures properly, after you overcome WT influence and convinced that the "Trinity" brochure published by WT quoted many "Trinitarians" out of context, then you can praise the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as THREE PERSONS in ONE BEING in spirit and truth. (e.g. The Human BEING has Father, Mother, Son, Daughter. They are all individuals. But they all belongs to the Human Being.) We'll talk about this if you're ready.
Finally, try occupy your mind on spiritual thoughts. Visit forums like this one frequently. Do not be afraid to read Bibles other than the NWT daily. A scripture I like to share with you as closing words is 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (NIV) Yes. Overcome the fear WT instilled into you. True love from God has no fear. Taste it and believe it.
In Love,
PD.
PS: Please, as many has spoken, I likewise echoed "Seek help, medical or otherwise". My wife said "Not worth dying for WT. Live so that you can fight it."