by Intel 109 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
As far as the child goes: I will visit her as often as possible and take over to me. If her mother allows.
You are the father and have just as much right to your child as the mother does. Don't let this cult make you feel unworthy of raisng your own child.
As a non-jw, I cannot imagine the courage that you showed. All I can add from my own experience is the times I stayed in a situation to avoid confrontation - they are the times I now regret.
Best wishes, and you deserve another
Today...well, today is "THE DAY AFTER".....I appreciate all the comments. They are lucid, serene and logical. I have been receiving these emails from family members that are emotionally charged.....yesterday I couldn't sleep until 3 a.m. in the morning....just had another email from a "good friend"...i hesitated to open another one....didn't wanted to go through the emotional drainage, but did it nonetheless...just to "look into the bulls eyes"....I don't know why I do this to myself! Paralipomenon you are right that explaining this over and over makes it worser, somehow it "ingraines" the feelings that they are trying to transmit (guilt, guilt, guilt) into your own being. Really, really shitty feeling.
I need to take a few days off. Since I am very determined and decided to go the "clear cut route", even if it means "blood, sweat and tears"...I need to start doing things for myself, ...I might get a Tattoo - I always wanted one - one that has strong symbol meaning to me. I always liked (and absolutely devoured everything related to) Leonardo da Vinci, because he was "against the stream"....standed up.....was curious....studied...against the church....a man of reasoning not of belief....
....I might tatto de "Vitruvian Man" into my arm or so. This also represents the "Renaissance" - New light and Understanding and being born again (I'm Atheist, I will not join another evangelical sect/group!!!) Just a new Beginning. Yes, I think I will get that one off my Bucket list.
I received arguments from family members like:
- If you don't think there is the absolute Truth, than you shouldn't think there is absolute freedom
- You will crash and burn and come back licking your wounds
- Why should others pay for your freedom?
- If you don't believe it, sacrifice yourself for your familys sake
- THEY (your family) will suffer for years to come because of you....
Some of these really hurt.....the pressure has builded up over the last couple of days. It will become worser over the next couple of days, now that I am out of the closet! Once the news go "around the globe" (I served in several places)...the emails will become more....the phone calls....
just n from bethel > Love the picture. Absolutely love it! That's how I did it....put this picture on my Desktop...just to remind myself of the step with a touch of humour :-)
Wasanelder Once > Yes. I know "the procedure" I was an Elder once... ;-) I wrote a 4-line with the bare minimum that the Society will accept for this kind of letter (I worked in jobs related to Service Department....) and I also got sure that it was received (thats why the visit to the GOOD MAN). I knew they would contact me to see if I was not in tears and in need of pills and a Bible Study....it is standard procedure according to the elders manual!
I believe a "preemptive strike" is the best thing to do, so I visited him myself......got over it.......letter handed out.....and walked away. One loose end less!
After explaining to him why I think that the Deluge didn't happen, that the god & satan thing is full of holes and that Jesus was just a cool Dude....well, he said: "You are not leaving one little chance to rescue you. I don't even think that you will ever come back or that a future Judicial Committee will accept you back into the Org."
YEP! He got THAT one right. I wasn't crying, shaking (as I always thought I would be). I wasn't flickering around, trembling voice or so. Nothing. Calm like the blue waters in the Bahamas. I surprised myself. I think I will take that as an example of things that I can accomplish.....probably everything else from here is easier and smooth.....I think it is....Don't know what kind of surprises await me, but let them come....
I hate how JWs always put others on the defensive. If you are to be treated like an apostate then act like one. tell anyone who contacts you... "I just have doubts, I'll come back if you can show me (from a non-JW source) how Jerusalem was destroyed in 607 instead of 586 BC. NO ONE in the JWs can even try to explain that in a way that makes sense. It doesn't make your loss go away, but it can make you feel a little better to affirm that their beliefs are silly and a few will even concede the fact. Maybe you can even unconvert some people?
When ALLELSEFAILS try something that makes sense...
Oh man I love that Office Space reference.
What you need to think of when leaving the WTS:
- There is no dignified exit, no way to leave without disappointing or angering those who are still in. So don't waste time coming up with a dignified exit plan.
- There is no right time to leave, now is as good as any. Don't wait for the right time to leave, it will never come.
- Arguing with those still in does not work, only strengthens their faith, because you are an evil apostate attacking them with twisted philosophies. Instead, examine how to combat mind control cults by reading research on cults (Steve Hassan, Robert Lifton etc. etc.).
- You don't need to come up with some other religion or belief system. If you are offered a tray full of rotten apples, you won't pick the least rotten one, you would take none of the apples. Even if you do want to come up with something else, don't hurry. It could take years before you find something you feel comfortable with.
- You can do whatever you want to do, they longer hold any power over you, don't worry about anything JWs may think of your actions. You don't have to explain. Simply tell them the truth. You do things because you want to, and you don't do things because you don't feel like doing them. You don't have to justify your actions.
- You don't have to go to the meetings or into field service. Simply stop going. You don't have to decide wether to DA, get DF'd or go inactive. You are not playing by their rules anymore. Simply stop going.
When they say you are selfish or that you are hurting your family etc., ask them if they want you to live a lie and go to the hall even if you disagree with everything and go door to door and lie about what you really belief. Ask them if God would like people who don't believe in them to live deceitful lives, pretending to be believers. Then tell them that you've lived a lie this couple of last years and that you can't and won't continue with it.
Intel this religion knows how to apply the guilt and mentally torture people they have had decades of experience. They will not acknowledge that you spent 5 years trying to come to terms with this, nor will they appreciate that their doctrines and attitudes caused your wife to feel it was better to leave the marriage than seek a compromise. The next few weeks will be hard as everyone will feel they have a right to express an opinion and because you are the non JW you are the devil personified and deserve to be treated like dirt. I would turn the phone off and give yourself space to just recoup these people are the ones enslaved in a cult so they will not behave rationally and what they will say or do at this time will be a panic reaction and not helpful to either side.
We learnt there is light at the end of the tunnel hang in there try to be there for your daughter and you have the potential to give her another perspective and fight for her so that the cult is not able to rob her of a future. What you did takes courage it is hard to break free.
- If you don't think there is the absolute Truth, than you shouldn't think there is absolute freedom
Who thinks that? . . . . a veiled admission that JW's are not free
- You will crash and burn and come back licking your wounds
Hateful, wishful thinking . . . very JW . . . what's wrong with "all the best"
- Why should others pay for your freedom?
Another admission JW's are not free . . . freedom is strictly "user pays"
- If you don't believe it, sacrifice yourself for your familys sake
Maybe that's what you're doing? . . . living a lie endlessly accomplishes nothing.
- THEY (your family) will suffer for years to come because of you....
Your family are guaranteed to suffer at the hands of the WTS . . . not you. At least now they may have a chance.
Intel . . . congratulations on your courage and integrity . . . 5 years is long enough.
There exists no valid reason for guilt or shame.
The very best wishes in the days ahead.
The morning after! I am glad the first night has passed Intel. I'm also glad you get to take a few days off. Just get used to your freedom. When I decided to never return, I felt so light. I realised I didn't have a set of rules constructed by others to live by and it felt just great. Not that I went nuts or anything, but it was such a relief not to examine every motive, think about what some non-existent entity would think, or if I would stumble someone. I just felt so relaxed.
Sometimes I think I can't be surprised anymore, but one thing you said did surprise me. You said the elder told you he didn't think a future judicial committee would ever let you come back. Now I know you don't want to go back, and maybe that comment was even comforting, but WHAT? LOL You were an elder, so I can ask. Was that appropriate? Can one elder after 2 hours decide your eternal fate? Anyway, we know he has absolutely no authority, I just found it surprising.
Enjoy your day. I'm sure it will be bittersweet for a while. If the guilt trips become too much, remind them all that they shouldn't be talking to an apostate.
NC
You reap what you sow.
How many times have we heard that? If you watch this forum long enough, you will see that hardly anyone with JW family who fades from the Watchtower cult religion by the backdoor, manages to avoid the ultimate showdown with the elders at some point. If you don't have relatives in the borg, you only lose some JW aquaintances, who were only conditional friends, anyway. You can leave, fade, tell them to go to hell, whatever. I have seen some JW family keep contact with their kids after they left the KH, it does happen. Only you know the heart of your family- good luck.
If everyone faded, then would we have this forum? No, Simon would still be listed at the KH as a missing brother, expected back sometime soon.
I have mentioned this before, but if you fade and one of your JW relatives/friends approaches you with 'doubts' about the WT teachings you must make a decision. Tell them the truth and help them get out (and blow your cover) or say nothing and let them find their own way out. If they do leave the KH, get DF'd or DA'd and then want to be your friend- you have to choose to shun them and keep contact with the rest of your JW family or support them and accept that your JW family might decide to shun you , too. So, you see, it's complicated and the perfect plan to fade can blow up when you least expect it. Being outed as a closet apostate after many years undercover might be worse than just officially leaving, living a good and honorable life and finding out your family misses you and is willing to keep personal contact, - despite what the old GB geezers at WT want.
Lying to yourself is such an ingrained part of being a JW, that it does not surprise me that it is so hard for many JWs to officially leave the KH and then give a reason why they are quitting.
