Are You Raising An Introvert?

by darth frosty 172 Replies latest jw friends

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  Apognophos

  This really becomes a sore spot with me when I talk to certain Witnesses who seem to think I have something wrong with me because I am introverted. It's not an illness, it's a personality type! I don't want to eat out with a group because it's a very uncomfortable experience, not because I hate people or need to "widen out"!

  It's funny you mention temp jobs, Mum; I had good experiences working as a temp between regular jobs. You'd think that introverts would hate temping because it means having to keep meeting new groups, but I think in a way it actually makes it easier to interact with each new group because you have this clearly-defined relationship -- you're not joining their family, you're just coming in to do a job and then go on your way. So there's no wariness on the part of the regulars -- you're not replacing anyone, and it doesn't matter if you're a bit weird because you'll be gone soon anyway. I tended to feel welcome in each new place I was assigned to. And as you said, once the agency sees that you can do a basic trial job without screwing up or suddenly failing to show up, you're like their new best friend and you get tons of assignments offered to you.
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  jgnat

  It is only fair as an introvert to be explicit to my extroverted loved-ones. No, just ignoring them is not a hint. Extroverts are wounded when they are ignored. Lay out exactly how much time is enough, and what is too much. Then, I am at my best during our shared time, and I give the needed attention my extroverts thrive on. Afterwards, I shut it off without guilt.
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  LisaRose

  My mother once said to me "your sister was a cheerleader, what's wrong with you?" It was very hurtful, not only did I not want to be a cheerleader (I'd rather have bamboo stuck up my fingernails ), I was completely incapable of becoming one. It didn't help that my parents moved every two years the whole time I was growing up, my sister was ten years older and had a different experience.

  Now that I am older I have learned a few extrovert skills. I can make eye contact and smile if I focus, I find its very helpful at getting people to do things for me. But I don't do it very often as it takes too much energy. I was out to dinner with my daughter and her husband once. I was in a good mood, so smiled at the waiter when he took my order. I thought it was my imagination that he was especially attentive, but my son-in-law said "was it just me or was the waiter hanging all over your mom?" Eye contact, pretty powerful thing! No wonder extroverts rule the world.
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  jgnat

  I can turn on the extrovert charm when the situation demands. It's not that the introvert doesn't have the skills; it just has a different effect on them. It takes a lot of energy. After training all day, I have to go sit in a hot tub and soak it out of me. Double points if I lock myself in with a book.
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  prologos

  mum, interesting observation of wt favoring extroverts. They do not want the beroean thinkers.

  I heard an interesting remark by a district over seer once who was discussing attention-getting public speaker " -- you'd think he does not amount to much,-- until he opens his mouth.--"

  was Einstein (or any of his type) an extrovert, would he clamour to be?
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  3rdgen

  I am almost in tears right now. I am ashamed to say I am an extravert who has never had a clue about intraverts until reading this thread. I now realize my firstborn was an intravert trying to cope withan extravert little sister. I had no idea he needed personal space and that it was my responsibility as a parent to see to it that he got it. I didn't interceed until little sis was screaming bloody murder after being pounded by brother. At this point brother would catch hell for hurting her. This went on every day all day long and I chocked it up to jealousy. Fortunately, I had a chance before he died to tell him I was sorry for appearing to favor his sister and that I loved him very much. This also explains why it took me so long to leave the Borg. I always managed to fit in. No wonder, I'm an obedient extravert. No need to read "worldly books on parenting, psychology and personal development. I feel like an ass.
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  LisaRose

  Don't feel bad 3rdgen, you did the best you could and what you thought was right. I was an introvert raising two introverts, but I still made plenty of mistakes. My daughter was mentally gifted, the talkative, personable older child, my son, the much more introverted one. My daughter had mental issues, attempted suicide twice. She got the lions share of attention, energy and time, while my son was basically neglected in his teens. I knew he needed more from me, but I didn't have it in me, and he was very self sufficient and never asked for anything. He basically clammed up and never said much of anything, but wasn't doing anything wrong, so it was easy to let things go. Who know what might have been different if I could have done differently? He is doing OK now, but struggled with underemployment for most of his twenties.

  I am sure your son knew you loved him.
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  Dagney

  ((3rdgen))

  Interesting thread darth. I looked at the points and I identified with about half of them. I always say "I'm shy," and never considered the introvert aspect. If i have to be "on," I can do it easily...but if I had my druthers, I can be very happy in a corner with a book for a loooooong time.
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  3rdgen

  Thanks Lisa Rose and Dagney I appreciate that!
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  Apognophos

  Based on how I tend to identify strongly with every bullet point in lists of introvert traits, I'm probably an extreme introvert, all the way on one side of the spectrum. I can also identify with the traits of Asperger syndrome to a partial degree. I think that being on the autistic spectrum requires an extra ingredient besides whatever makes people introverted, but certainly I share a lot of traits, like being distressed and distracted by noisy environments that seem perfectly comfortable to extroverts.

  I can't really compare being introverted to being extroverted, but I can explain what it's like to interact with extroverts. Some are sensitive to the way that introverts feel, and I can be drawn to those ones, but the rest are painful to interact with. They talk too loudly, want to shake hands or slap me on the shoulder, and ask personal questions with no hesitation. Their eye contact is too direct and unyielding.

  I think the best analogy is how cats and dogs interact. Plenty of cats and dogs could get along, but sometimes dogs think that "getting along" means barking at them and running towards them like they would with a dog: "Hey! Hey! You, come here!" When they do approach the cat in a more acceptable way and the cat is okay with the interaction, then the dog takes it too far and keeps trying to sniff the cat's butt, and the cat might start batting at them to stop. The dog's just being friendly and doesn't understand the problem: "Isn't this how we make friends?"

  That's basically what it's like to meet the less sensitive extroverts at the Hall. They're trying to bark and run at me and I'm doing my best to avoid sitting near them, or if I do, I scram as the meeting ends, before they can turn towards me.

  I don't really blame people for not recognizing introverts because (1) they're a minority, and (2) there seems to be no education in school about the different personality types and how to interact with them, which is really strange when you think about it. Since introverts don't like to say that they're introverted, it's up to others to identify us. We're not trying to be difficult; it's just really really really hard to express our feelings about comfortable interaction to others in person for some reason.