Thanks Qandry. I wrote another thread to explain a little further about my situation. I ended up leaving, I was 19 and chose a bad path as has been explained on this forum by others that we tend to go a bit bizerk. My father advised the other elders of my immoral life and they requiredtwo witnesses to df me, one of my sister's, who also knew, was not prepared to be the second witness so I was not df'd officially but those of my family who are JWs treated me as if I was. My father did end up standing down for a short while.
Over a 20 year period he only spoke to me once. He came to my door one morning and said he was there just to have a little word to me as he knew I would not be recieving occassional visits from the elders. He said above anything else to never, ever accept the Trinity. That was a strange visit and left me puzzled. I didn't have any communication with him for another ten years and he became very ill with cancer. I had planned to stay with my mother (a non-believer) in a Motel and was shocked when he said I could stay in his home. I was nervous as he was a very controlling/demanding sort of person, he always aimed for perfection. He asked me how I felt about the religion and I said I still could not accept the authority and I felt the men were overbearing.
He was a very spiritual man and his love of Jehovah meant he put him first, he told me that I had caused him the most anguish in his life, even though he had two sons (unbaptized) who could not accept the religion and lived very immoral lives. I respected him greatly for his devotion even though it meant me missing out but I fully understood his position.
On that first visit home after 20 years, he told me something that plays on my mind to this day. He said 'Listener, there is something that I have truelly learnt in only the last couple of years and that is God is Love' He went on to explain that he now fully appreciated and understood how God works. That is, he does absolutely everything firstly and foremostly from Love and what a fine thing that was. What I couldn't understand is how could he just be understanding this now after being such a devoted Christian and elder for most of his adult life. He understood the bible better than most elders, was very intelligent and chose to leave his highly paid job and became a full time pioneer for the last 20 years of his life. I wondered why it had taken so long to understand this principle. Why with the hungdreds of pieces of JW literature he had read, the hundreds of talks he had given, the amount of meetings he had attended and all the direction provided by the GB, this principle had only been impressed in his mind and only later became impressed on his heart with a true understanding?
So I felt a special closeness to him as I knew exactly what he meant and I was privelaged to be able to return home monthly to help look after him as he slowly died. This was the worst period ever during my life and he made it a most rewarding experiance. His peacefullness and acceptance were truelly a blessing to see. One of the nurses that visited weekly said there was something special in this household that she hadn't seen before and even though they were the experts in their job he would have died months sooner if he had been cared for in the hospital. It was in this atmosphere and with the devoted love and caring from my mother that all seven of his children were at home sleeping under the one roof as he died peacefully in his sleep. A good man will draw this kind of love around him.
Sorry about the long winded answer Qandry, but yes he died faithfully 'in' the religion but much more importantly he died as faithful as any man could to his father, Jehovah.
Through this loving kindness that he showed me and his devotion to God I have gained so much and since then I have renewed my own relationship with God but I cannot do it through the JW religion as I do not see this example of love as set by Jehovah and his son and my own father. The title of this thread and how they deal with the disfellowshipped is just one example.
Thanks also for your comments DJeggnog. Unfortunatley our circumstances and experiances in life set of a chain of events from which there seems no return.
