Stayed up all night, see it is a cult now.

by gutted 122 Replies latest jw experiences

  • garyneal

    Yeah Blue Grass came after me one time too. Though I don't recall him being harsh with me, he did start attacking other posters who did not agree with his viewpoint.

  • transhuman68

    Dear Gutted: You may regret choosing the name 'Gutted'. In 3 or 4 months time you will probably be over the worst of your feelings, and will be enjoying your new-found freedom!

    It is true we are mostly atheists here, but I don't think anyone would want to destroy your faith in God. I would believe in God if I could, but I've never been able to. If you need advice you can use the Search button at the top of the page to find practically every topic you might think of. Take your time, and good luck.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    For now I am going to stop commenting and I think I will withdraw from the ministry school soon. I am not a ministerial servant.
    Question, how does one deal with field service?
    My main concern is elder backlash. I have one elder, well two, but the one I studied with for over a year before baptisim will no doubt be asking me things. How is it best to deal with these ones when they ask what is wrong, why not going in service, commenting, etc.?

    I wouldn't do anything differently yet. Keep up the charade until you know whether or not you want to get others out.

    Your mother says she has doubts, but that doesn't mean she is out of the woods yet. As long as she thinks there might be a chance that the WT was selected by God, there is a danger that she will slip into defensive mode and shun you. There is probably a trigger that will cause her to do that. Know what it is and don't set it off until it is disarmed or it doesn't matter to you. It might be the Elders, so stay off their radar until it doesn't matter.

    Unfortunately there are no 'easy' options for us born ins. Spend the time between discovery and being 'outed' wisely. Many of us don't. I stuffed up badly.



  • gutted

    Thanks guys for the well thought out comments, I'm actually quite surprised at the amount of support.

    As far as "blue grass", I am no stranger to internet trolls. Hate is much easier than love.

    I'll check the boards, but now is time for me to do a lot of reading and study.

  • mentallyfree31

    Welcome Gutted. You have been given excellent advice by many of the posters here. I figured out that WT was a cult on December 19, 2009. I started to fade immediately, but slowly. Now it's four months later, and I have quit going completely, and will never go back. Here are a few suggestions from my experience.

    (1) Read Crisis of Conscience and Steve Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control" immediately, as many others have already suggested.

    (2) When the elders call to encourage, just tell them that you will see them at the next meeting. That usually ends the matter of encouragement right then and there.

    (3) As JWFACTS suggested, do NOT make any decisions hastily. You have been in this cult for a while, so there is no rush. When you first discover these things, you naturally want to react immediately. But take your time. You need several months to deconstruct WT beliefs and process these emotions. Also, visit his website at, as there is a ton of valuable information there.

    (4) You may also very likely find yourself waking up thinking "but I know JW is the truth". This is natural, because it was so indoctrinated in us. They have told us this over and over and over at the meetings. It takes time to let go of these fears that have been put inside us.

    (5) Leaving a cult is not easy. But as long as you keep your mouth shut and don't reveal anything to anybody - you remain in control of the situation.

    (6) Focus on the positives - (a) you are leaving a cult (b) you are on a road to gaining your freedom back (c) you are taking back control of your life (d) you are still young, so you may very likely see some of your JW friends eventually figure things out and come knocking at your door wanting to resume a friendship

    (7) Start making friends right away outside the organization. As suggested by others, this will help to make your transition a bit easier.

  • Blue Grass
    Blue Grass

    WOW!! I am just shocked!! Bluegrass, where is all the hostility coming from???
    And bluegrass, I'm shocked and appalled at your behavior.Bluegrass, that was absolutely uncalled-for.

    I was being real nice to this guy. I recommended two great books from Ray Franz that would help him with his situation and tried to warn him that there are some atheist on this board who would use this opportunity to destroy his faith in God and than he calls me asshole for absolutely no reason. Needless to say that really pissed me off.

  • Blue Grass
    Blue Grass
    Please note that Blue Grass has also harrassed and insulted beloved long time posters of this board

    I've insulted many people, but I've never harrassed anyone, nor has anyone ever claimed to have been harrassed by me.

    Yeah Blue Grass came after me one time too.

    Come on, I like you Garyneal. I attacked your belief in the trinity, but I like you as a person.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Blue Grass,

    What is your purpose for what appears an attempt at scaring away a newbie right back into the WTS?

    That is completely opposite of what this board is all about.

  • Blue Grass
    Blue Grass
    What is your purpose for what appears an attempt at scaring away a newbie right back into the WTS?

    My post didn't really have a purpose. I was just angry that he called me an asshole for no reason.

  • bohm

    Hey gutted!

    you are about to go down the same journey my girlfriend started out on about a year ago. I really, really dont envy you - it is going to be very hard emotionally from times, you are properly going to wish you could turn around and go back a couple of times and you will have a very hard time 'making a stand' if you want to preserve the ties to the family (i assume they are as JW's are mostly).

    I recommend the same as so many others here have done - dont do anything right away! Read Steven Hassans book(s) at first, then Ray Franz. continue go to the meetings and let the truth about 'the truth' sink in. you are properly going to find them nauseating after reading Stevens books! (try the following game: Substitute 'we' every time an article says 'the faithfull and discrete slave' or something like that, and 'you' every time the article says 'we', 'us', 'faithfull christians' - it will sound SO wrong but it is really what they mean!). Also try to reach out and find friends and hobbies outside - sports, people from work, etc.

    Skipping meetings and field service will be the next step - just become irregular. You may want to begin to go at two congregations irregularily, perhaps make up an excuse that it is better for you with your work, etc. That way it wont be noticed straight away you skip meetings. Field service slips is a joke like you properly know, just cut back and keep reporting the same amount.

    WHEN things begin to be noticed (and it will!) you will learn the hardest lesson of them all: there is no honourable way out. you will have to creep out, branded as 'unspiritual' and 'bad association', people you feel you know will turn their back on you (my girlfriend lost 20 friends overnight when they heard she had a worldly boyfriend - none of them even tried to say it to her face!). If you have good relations with your family (and they believe strongly) that will be the worst. Plan what you are going to say after what you want to accomplish; poking holes in their swiss-cheese doctrine is going to get you nowhere in that matter.

    The elders who will begin to call you is properly going to be the easiest part, provided you are so far out mentally you can lie to them (yes, lie) and they are not ambitious. The best advice i have heard here (thanks leavingwt!) is to make all your statements to build all your statements around "I feel (stressed, worked out at the moment, am very busy, etc.)" and "Thanks for your advice about ... brothers, i will call you if i feel there is something you can support me with" and keep mentioning you pray and so on. Its hard to go in and overrule what a guy feels. Also download and read the elders manual, read stories about how the elders act 'in the real world', etc.

    Oh yah, i see you have met our resident gasbag. dont worry, he is violating posting guidelines and will be banned if he continue. if you get nasty personal messages, make sure you report it (BG: Dont reply here, send me a PM or start a thread, we are both offtopic).

Share this