Notsureyet,
If you're still feeling guilt, it seems you're in a fairly early stage in all this. I can personally attest to going through stages of guilt, shame, and then anger and acceptance as the scales fell of my eyes. However, the strongest of these emotions was shame. Shame that I had let my faith be taken away from me. I can't say that that feeling doesn't still creep up now and again, mostly sub-consiously. After all, I was raised to view my "spirituality" as synonymous with all forms of self-worth.
In any case, it seems you have little to worry about your children: it seems by their trajectory they are more than capable of taking care of themselves. I don't have children yet (one on the way), but even I can say your chilren will make their own choices in life. Higher education was one of the big issues with me, since I returned to college after having been out of school--to Bethel and pioneering the rest of the time, oh and going through a major health crisis--and I received not an inconsiderable amount of resistance to what i was doing. The frustrating thing for me was that I didn't know what else to do. Due to health reasons, I didn't have the strength to work a physical job, and in the rural area where I lived, there were no other options. I felt like I was doing what I had to do, and treated going to college as a regular job. I kept up with all my congregational assignments (which was a lot, since I was the sole MS), yet still was targetted as a negative influence in the congregation.Then, in 2005, when the Society published a series of particularly condemning articles regarding higher education, I could just no longer ignore it. I saw right through their hallow and falicious reasoning and everything else just started to fall apart.
In 2005, I got onto JWD (now JWN) and everything else is history. Everything, except of course, the trying times I went through reaching a new understanding with my wife, who did, and does, not share my view of things. She's still in, goes to meetings, although she is supportive of me and does not use the religion as a firebrand. As far as the long term... I never could envision leaving her, and never entertained the thought. We came very close a couple times to separation, very close, but we got through it. We're happy together and are not satisficing our way through life, as many others seem to do.
Anyway, just wanted to share a few things with you. Like you, in a way I would have loved to have stayed asleep and to have been able to stay at Bethel. It really was an amazing time, and I loved my time there, mostly. But truth always wins, and in the end, I think it's better to see the world with your own eyes than to go through life lulled into a false spirituality.
