by not sure yet 72 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • daniel-p


    Welcome to JWN and I hope you stick around for a while. There are more than a few other Gilead graduates on this board, one of which made his exit a couple years ago and who I had the pleasure of meeting in person: Awakened at Gilead ( From our conversations, it sounds like you had similar realizations he did while in Gilead. For him, I believe, his faith took a hit there, and it was dowhill after that, more or less. I think what did it for him was the extraordinary loops the GB went through to explain how everything points to them receiving Christ's approval in 1919, and how all Bible prophecy in general points to them and their authority over Christ's "belongings." You should view his Youtube videos here:

    I think I understand a little of the pain you might have, after having attaining your "dream come true" to go to Gilead, and then experiencing the disillusionment when the reality behind the dream hits home. As a former Bethelite, there are a lot of ways I can relate to that.

    Anyway, welcome, and enjoy yourself.


  • daniel-p
  • not sure yet
    not sure yet

    Thanks very much for your support. Yes i have gone through almost all of the exBethelites and Gileadgraduates stories. It is hard for me to tell my story because I'm still in good standing and have children and a (high educated)husband (who became a witness to marry me). My children are not baptized and are all living and studying university in my (first-world) homecountry, while I (with my husband) live still in my missionary assignment. When my children were counseled on the dangers of higher education, I nevertheless send my children off to study, but on a special mission: 'proof them (the brothers)wrong'. They are close to become a medical doctor, psychologist, health systems expert and orthodontist. Recently I travelled to visit with them and released them from that mission. Enough of proofing them wrong, it's a no-good motivation for any proyect in life. I was the youngest ever appointed regular pioneer in my country, then the youngest ever appointed special pioneer and then, yes, the youngest ever graduated from Gilead. I served four years as a missionary, it were good times, as were my pioneer years back home. I would have loved to live on the dream and never wake up. Gilead made that impossible and taking back steps in service makes the rest of life a constant guilt-trip.

  • daniel-p


    If you're still feeling guilt, it seems you're in a fairly early stage in all this. I can personally attest to going through stages of guilt, shame, and then anger and acceptance as the scales fell of my eyes. However, the strongest of these emotions was shame. Shame that I had let my faith be taken away from me. I can't say that that feeling doesn't still creep up now and again, mostly sub-consiously. After all, I was raised to view my "spirituality" as synonymous with all forms of self-worth.

    In any case, it seems you have little to worry about your children: it seems by their trajectory they are more than capable of taking care of themselves. I don't have children yet (one on the way), but even I can say your chilren will make their own choices in life. Higher education was one of the big issues with me, since I returned to college after having been out of school--to Bethel and pioneering the rest of the time, oh and going through a major health crisis--and I received not an inconsiderable amount of resistance to what i was doing. The frustrating thing for me was that I didn't know what else to do. Due to health reasons, I didn't have the strength to work a physical job, and in the rural area where I lived, there were no other options. I felt like I was doing what I had to do, and treated going to college as a regular job. I kept up with all my congregational assignments (which was a lot, since I was the sole MS), yet still was targetted as a negative influence in the congregation.Then, in 2005, when the Society published a series of particularly condemning articles regarding higher education, I could just no longer ignore it. I saw right through their hallow and falicious reasoning and everything else just started to fall apart.

    In 2005, I got onto JWD (now JWN) and everything else is history. Everything, except of course, the trying times I went through reaching a new understanding with my wife, who did, and does, not share my view of things. She's still in, goes to meetings, although she is supportive of me and does not use the religion as a firebrand. As far as the long term... I never could envision leaving her, and never entertained the thought. We came very close a couple times to separation, very close, but we got through it. We're happy together and are not satisficing our way through life, as many others seem to do.

    Anyway, just wanted to share a few things with you. Like you, in a way I would have loved to have stayed asleep and to have been able to stay at Bethel. It really was an amazing time, and I loved my time there, mostly. But truth always wins, and in the end, I think it's better to see the world with your own eyes than to go through life lulled into a false spirituality.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to the forum NSY



  • AudeSapere

    4 children working on advanced degrees (medical doctor, psychologist, health systems expert and orthodontist). That's quite a feat. And mighty expensive. YIKES!

    But you are 'not sure yet'?


  • Farkel

    Me: Hi Chalam! My name is Farkel. Nice to meet you! How are you today?

    Chalam: Isaiah 55:1

    Revelation 21:6

    Ephesians 2:8-9

    Ephesians 1:13-14

    2 Corinthians 5:5

    2 Corinthians 1:22

    Me: Ok, Chalam. Y'all have a nice day now, ya hear?

  • jwfacts

    Welcome not sure yet. Lovely to have you here and learn your interesting story.

    You have provided a lot of information by which to be identified. Are you ready to be face discovery and are you in a position to be ready to move on from your assignment?

  • not sure yet
    not sure yet

    jwfacts, I hope being identified by someone on this board will not get me into trouble....but anyway, I can not tell my story without giving myself away to the ones that can figure out who I am. I just want to take little steps into this new territory witout hurting my family or taking the good memories away from my children, who were raised by me in the truth. I want them to keeps cherishing the good part of it...more so now they are free and unattached to the congregation...besides memorials and special talks. But when they are home with me, they still ask me: 'come mommy....say a pray with me ........' They keep the paradise hope and Jehovah as their God deep down in their hearts......I'm sure of that, but in a non compromising way........But If I leave, I've been their hero-missionary-mom, their dream is gone too. That is my dilema......Yes my children are taking their chances in the world of education.....and will use them wisely...I'm sure. Its worth all the effort and money we can get our hands on....and they were given scholarships in my home country also. I live in this town people know me as a missionary since the start...even after I just started a normal familylife.....even for the world I have to keep my good standing, I think sometimes....

  • not sure yet
    not sure yet

    Daniel, thank you for telling your story and love the part about that nothing of this whole matter destroyed your marriage.

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