My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal 160 Replies latest social family

  • garyneal

    Okay, I am in a bit of a dilemma. Since I believe in honesty between marriage mates, I have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it. I feel it is only right so that she won't feel like I have anything to hide. Well, she hasn't been too happy with my being here but I feel like given my situation, this is a good place for me to vent and get information on how the WTS can affect my family.

    Last night, she asked me to stop coming on here out of respect for her. I thought about it and considered her feelings but I could not help but realize that my feelings were never considered in many of my 'requests' of her. Therefore, I decided that I would stop telling her about this board but at the same time not stop coming here. She got livid and demanded that I stop or else she is going to cut off the Internet service to our home. Out of respect for her, I said that I would not come on here in her presence and at nights but I did not want to stop coming here. She compared my coming here to a drug addict getting his fix.

    Now, I will try to present a balanced view of things because I want balanced feedback (if that is even possible). I love and respect my wife and I want her to be happy even if it means her being in the cult. Since I cannot convince her to review the facts about the Watchtower Society, I have no choice but to support her decision in the best way that I can without getting too involved with them. I also feel that I need to educate myself as to their practices as this can in turn affect my daughter and myself. While much of the information that they publish is practical, I do know that there is a lot of propaganda in terms of forgoing college, forgoing starting a family, and overall trying to better oneself 'in this system of things.' As a Christian, I understand the need to balance service to God and bettering oneself so that you can adequately support a family. I just never saw the level of shunning of a higher education that I see within the organization. I swear every time I try to present a case for higher education to my wife and how it might actually benefit the society, and by association Jehovah, (i.e. doctors who specialize in bloodless therapies) she actually dismisses it and says that it is using ‘this system’ too much when we should be preparing for Jehovah’s new system.

    But what I cannot understand is why she is so adamant about my leaving the message board? A few years ago, my wife and I went through turmoil as I was getting visitation rights to my son on the weekends and she got so jealous that it nearly ripped our marriage apart. To find comfort for her feelings, she turned to an online forum called ‘step-moms in need.’ She claims that this message board is for me what the forum called step-moms in need was for her. On a certain level, I would have to agree but her situation was totally on her. She was the one getting jealous because I had a son by another woman and she was the one having a hard time dealing with it. In a sense, I am dealing with certain losses myself and I am looking for ways to cope but my situation is not all me. I can clearly see how this religion can affect my life in a profound way even though I do not want any part of it. Not only do I come to this forum for support but I also come here for information to protect myself and my daughter. If it was all just simply jealousy and hurt feelings then I would agree that this is just my version of ‘step-moms in need.’

    Another thing that bothers me about her demanding me to leave is that I never expected her to leave ‘step-moms in need’ even though I personally thoug

  • garyneal

    Another thing that bothers me about her demanding me to leave is that I never expected her to leave ‘step-moms in need’ even though I personally thought of a lot of them as being step-moms in need of a reality check. I understood that people look at things in different ways and all I expected from her was a little sympathy and a listening ear. She is a poor listener though I would have to admit that I am not the tops myself in that department. Even though I disliked most of what the women in that support forum was saying, some of them actually said things that made sense (I checked it out for myself) so I could not just simply tell her to stop going. I certainly never demanded that she stop. Why is she demanding that I stop coming here? She brings home Watchtower and Awake magazines along with the rainbow books of other Watchtower literature. I don’t throw them away as soon as I get a chance. I will admit, if I find one that has been lying around for a while, I might toss it out based of the fact that she is not really keeping up with it anyhow.

    She must think that former Jehovah’s Witnesses are ‘bad associations’ and feels that I should in no way have anything to do with them. She says that she does not go around looking for support groups that ‘bad mouth’ my church or religion so she does not understand why I go to a group that bad mouths the WatchTower Society. I’ve even told her about the favorites on my YouTube page and she told me that I needed to take them down.

  • avishai

    sounds like an abusive, controlling you-know-what. I'd get a different wife.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Is she your wife or your Mother ?

  • PSacramento

    As long as she is not witholding the punany you are ok, is she starts with that, tell her you are leaving this forum and came back anyways, just don't lose access to the punany !

  • blondie

    I would say that you will stop coming to this board if she stops studying with and going to the jw meetings. Sounds fair to me. If you were going to church she has no right even under WTS rules to demand that you stop going. This is your place to get support. The WTS is where she gets support. You are not and have never been a jw.

    And you are the spiritual head of your family and otherwise.

  • mrsjones5

    Throw down the headship card.

  • BabaYaga

    Gary, you said:

    I thought about it and considered her feelings but I could not help but realize that my feelings were never considered in many of my 'requests' of her.

    BINGO. And please, never expect a JW to meet you halfway. It is their way or the highway, because they are RIGHT, you see. And anything not sanctioned by their publishing company stumbles them!

    On top of this, they do not apologize. They are taught that they are right all the time, they HAVE to be right to be righteous, and they can rationalize absolutely anything. Makes for difficult relationships, to be sure.

  • blondie

    *** w07 2/15 p. 22 par. 21 Wives—Deeply Respect Your Husbands ***For example, in the case of a husband who is an unbeliever, submitting to his headship in all matters that would not mean violating God’s laws or principles may well yield the marvelous reward of her being able to ‘save her husband.’ (1 Corinthians 7:13, 16)

    You are not asking her to come onto this DB.

    *** w63 3/1 p. 151 Give Christian Counsel Skillfully ***Has the Christian wife fully recognized the family headship of the unbelieving husband? Is she forgetting to show deep respect, and instead treating him as though he were a disfellowshiped person? Has she respected his freedom of worship in his own home?

    *** gh chap. 18 p. 163 par. 9 Happy Families in the Purpose of God ***Even if her husband is an unbeliever, he is still the "head" of his wife.

    *** w02 8/15 p. 30 Questions From Readers ***However, the unbelieving husband might insist that his children practice his religion, taking them to his place of worship and giving them religious education according to his faith. Or a husband may be opposed to all religion and insist that his children receive no religious education. As the head of the family, he is the one primarily responsible for making the decision.

  • The Almighty Homer
    The Almighty Homer

    She's been getting coached by a an elder most likely and being that he has the power of god he takes

    precedence and control over both you and your wife and even your marriage for that matter.

    The inter-net is full of exposing and revealing knowledge about the corrupt WTS.

    and its seen as a direct threat to them. Your wife's own threat of cutting off your inter-net access

    tells a tale of a lack of respect toward your personal endeavor of finding out the truth on the truth.

    Is she playing a role as a wife and partner or is she tying to play a role of a mother disciplining

    a naughty little boy ?

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