My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal 160 Replies latest social family

  • wobble
    wobble

    Dear garyneal,

    I think SOME of the advice above has been very good, I aint so sure about Happyguys !

    I have found that my wife is quite resentful of the fact that I spend a lot of time on here, rather than with her perhaps, and I can understand that, the truth is that this site is addictive to some of us, so your good lady has a point. (it is addictive because we need its support)

    I do believe though that you need ,at the most ,to compromise as you said,this site is an important part of your life, what right does she have to ask what she does? on what basis ?

    The best solution,almost impossible to achieve I know, would be to get her posting on here, her screen name might be "garyneal loves me too much"

    Love

    Wobble

  • yknot
    yknot

    Stand your ground....

    I understand her POV but marriage is about being fair to both partners.

    I agree with the 'wise counsel' above stating you will stop coming here when she stops going there (KH/WTS)

    I have been a 'house divided' for nearly 15 years and that means a lot of agreeing to disagree without stepping on the other's person rights.

    I would like to extend another option........ A formal invitation to Mrs.Garyneal to join in the broader discussion, after all the truth can withstand any testing and remain. I would love to read her perspective and observe her growing in her 'accurate knowledge' of our religious affliation.

    Best wishes for a positive outcome to the both of you!

    (on a side note....since you are the 'head of household' and not a JW, she cannot 'demand' any such thing as it could be considered stumbling because she is not being 'submissive' and trying to 'take the lead' in dominance over you.......just saying)

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    I'd tell her you have three more children from five other women and watch her scratch her head and look for a forum on polygamist stepmoms. Wait, that's impossible. There is no such forum. W.Once

  • HappyGuy
    HappyGuy

    wobble,

    The point is, if he gets the blindfolds and the rope and the leather strap and the candles (for the hot wax) and the other acoutrements then he wont have time to be on here because he will be too busy "paying attention to the more important things".

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    Because she believes herself to be on the side of "truth" no fair balance can ever really be reached. I feel that those who suggest striking a bargin are not considering this point.

    Many here have discussed their methods and techniques used to help a marriage partner that is still locked into being JW. I faced such a situation, and JWD poster openmind has as well. Read our archived posts to try and get a feel for how the process worked.

  • nugget
    nugget

    I was an active witness for over 40 years. When my husband started posting on this site and telling me things he was finding out I was shocked and concerned. But I told him to take research seriously to subject what he was finding to critical review and check his facts. I told him that it was dangerous to accept things on face value and give the organisation less credance than sources that could not be verified.

    I am a strong believer that if something is true whatever is said will not turn truth to a lie. I was prepared for difficult revelations, what was important was whether these would be enough to change the way we chose to worship. It took a while for me to stop trying to block out what was being said and be prepared to debate the points he raised. I still have problems if I feel someone is being too facetious and dismissive or if he isn't listening to me.

    You must remember that no crime is greater and nothing so much to be feared as apostates. Their powers are remarkable, they can mislead you and shake your faith. To her you are associating with extremely dangerous people. This clouds her reasoning.

    The way I would approach it is to ask for a time when you can properly discuss the issue as it is important to both of you.

    Explain to her why you feel the site is important to you and ask her to specify what she objects to.

    Repeat back to her her objections and try to establish exactly what her concerns are. If it is the amount of time you spend on the board assure her that you will spend no longer than she spends on her theocratic activities.

    If it is exposure to apostates remind her that you don't scrutinise her associates at the meeting. Nor do you restrict the topics she discusses even when they are derogatory to non witnesses. You will not force apostate teaching on her but she is free to ask you about what you have discussed on the board. Assure her that you will look into anything you are told and not take statements on face value as far as the organisation is concerned.

    You respect her right to worship in her own way and as head of the house you would appreciate similar respect from her regarding your search for religious truth.

    As far as your daughter is concerned assure her that you both have your daughter's best interests at heart. That when the time comes for her to choose her path in life she will assuredly be old enough to make her own decisions. Your wife can show her what her religon has to offer but she must also allow you to present the alternatives so that your daughter can make an informed choice.

    Remind her that you love her dearly that this is not a test of who loves who the most. If she is insecure and jealous she may be concerned that you might meet a like minded single on this board. You need to remind her that she is special and important and if it wasn't so important to you you wouldn't have a problem complying with her wishes. Because your relationship is important to you, you are happy to make some compromises in your life even sharing her with her God and an organisation, you would hope she would have enough love and trust in you also.

    After all if you cannot use the board where else would she suggest you go to let off steam occasionally. You could picket the hall or would she rather you joined a coven?

  • nelly136
    nelly136

    http://www.top10-broadband.co.uk/mobile_broadband/ dongles are portable broadband in a stick, just plug and go.

  • steve2
    steve2

    Oh boy, haven't you realised by now that honesty in a relationship is either rewarded or punished?????

    Your wife has punished you for your honesty so is teaching you to keep things from her.

    She is also using emotional blackmail to keep you in line. The line, "Do it for me" is in the all-time top ten emotional blackmail lines.

    She sounds like a bossy mother; you sound like a too-eager too please son: When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

    You might have to revise your unhelpful policy on "honesty". It's back-fired big time. Either that or state clearly what your boundaries are and expect her to respect them. If you can do that and help her step down from the emotional blackmail trip, the future for your marriage looks promising.

  • Leprechaun
    Leprechaun

    My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

    Um, it sure sounds like you got your hands full with a manipulative and I am sure over bearing wife. On a side note, I feel most Jehovah’s Witness women are as controlling as their religion, by virtue of the fact there is so many do’s and don’ts as members, that you have to full fill. Just stop and think of all the Society’s rules for husbands, (taking the lead in family study door to door activity and blah blah blah…) what ever happened to coming home and resting on a weekend with your family and enjoying each other. If you don’t want to have this religion controlling your life any more hold to your guns, it may well be the most beneficial thing you have ever done for your marriage. Be true to thy self".

  • scotsman
    scotsman

    Sounds a little to me like you both know your relationship has had its problems. What she may have the foresight to recognise is that if you continue to come here, while she remains a JW, those hairline cracks will become gulf that leads to separation. I'm not suggesting that you should comply.

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