ex wants to be free to remarry - ugh

by No Apologies 71 Replies latest jw friends

  • Uzzah

    Dear ex:

    I am currently doing my best to continue meeting Jehovah's standards for morality. I find it very disconcerting that you are hopeful that I would incur Jehovah's displeasure by committing some form of immorality. I wish no evil upion you and find it bothersome that you would hope that I have sinned in order that you may join with someone who is not your husband.

    I am almost of the opinion that you have already sinned within your heart.

    I have been faithful to the expectations God has for me in my current state and feel it only appropriate that you too follow the same path. However should you decide to disobey Jehovah I too would appreciate recieving a letter from you advising that I am free to remarry."

    I pray that you respect Jehovah's arrangements and hope you find the joy and happiness that comes from following Jehovah's laws rather than succumbing to the needs of the flesh.

    From you.

    Then go screw your brains out and enjoy living.

  • mrsjones5

    That is a beautiful letter Uzzah

  • Bourne

    'Specially the last sentence.

  • purplesofa

    I always thought this was one of the most insane things JW's follow.

    Any person can divorce their spouse

    a person that has no sex drive, no intention of ever remarrying,

    and hold another person hostage till death.

    I would not write the letter, but maybe the money is more important to you than keeping your JW relationships.

    sspo has a thread about this too.

    I don't know what he decided to do.


  • OnTheWayOut

    The biggest amount of advice is to hurt her even if it hurts you. That's a personal decision. I like Horrible Life's thoughts on the matter.
    I suppose, it matters how much you think she will seek marriage without any action on your part.

    Is she going to go the rest of her life celibate if you never admit to anything? Is it worth it to pay her money just to make her miserable?

    If that were the only issue, you could say NO, it's not worth it. But the other problem is tough.

    I don't think there is an easy way out of this unless- she is willing to move to a congregation where nobody knows you or her and verbally tell her that you are giving her the scriptural freedom to remarry. It might cut down on the possibility of a JC coming after you. Still, no guarantee. Certainly do not put anything in writing.

  • Balsam

    No Apologies, Your stuck between a rock and a hard place. It will be a loss & gain no matter what you do or don't do. I guess you're going to have to count the cost and decide which one you can live with long term. I left my JW husband for a lost love, but I intended to break off all JW relationships too so I went to elders and told them I'd done the deed before it was done just to let my ex off the hook so we could divorce in the eyes of the JW's. I urged him to remarry, so I could be done with the problems be gave me because I left him. I was positive that my two sons would leave with me when I left. Ruth

  • Finally-Free

    Giving her a letter is no guarantee that she will immediately remarry. If you give her a letter without some concessions on her part you could end up losing your family and still be paying spousal maintenance. Make a deal. "Spousal maintenance" ends the day she receives the letter from you, not when she remarries. Have a lawyer draw up the agreement.


  • JWdaughter

    Finally free-I like the way you think!

  • yknot

    Well there are some mighty fine suggestions above!

    But I wanted to suggest another route.......

    Call up a hounder all upset and offended, repeat her reason for the request followed by the suggestion for him to track her and Mr. I-am-not-her-beau.......

    I am sure she will implicate herself and him (classic JW marriage trap) soon enough...... them repenting in a JC investigative committee followed by quicky marriage and 6 month DFing...... while you contemplate your first purchase with that spousal support cash!

    Just keepin' the congregation clean.....

  • FlyingHighNow

    She doesn't need a letter from you. She does not need a third party. When I went through my divorce, the elders told me all I needed was his word that I was free. That's all. And if I believed him, I was free. End of conversation.

    So, if she is free. Tell her. Make sure she is not wired or there are any bugs anywhere. Make sure she knows all she needs is your word between the two of you. Then deny it like hell to the elders that you ever said it.

    Honestly though, when I went through my divorce and went to get my things, a year later, my ex asked me if he was free. I told him that yes he was. I don't see any need to torture a poor soul that is trapped by JW beliefs.

    Let her go have her happiness. Save your $$$$. And if you go before a JC, then throw yourself on their mercy.

    Or accept that you have left the JW's.

    Having family contact is not worth anything to me if I have to pretend to be in good standing with the brothers. Family contact is not worth anything to me if I have to pretend that my ex is not scripturally free.

    And you know, I have two JW relatives who have broken down, after all these years and are regularly contacting me, even though they know it's against policy. You never know what time will change.

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