Let her go. If you have slept with someone, tell her. Let her go get married. Stop your spousal support. It's the right thing to do. Why keep her hanging like that? Let her go on with her life.
ex wants to be free to remarry - ugh
One more thought: I have never been disfellowshipped. My sister and brother shunned me anyway. My sister writes to me now. She has off and on over the years, but gets spooked and then stops. But this time she keeps on writing, even after I told her exactly why I will NEVER be a JW again. I knew she had been silent the past couple of days. I figured she saw some exjw posting on my facebook. Well, tonight I get an e-mail. "Hey, for some reason I haven't been able to contact you on facebook." I checked. She had deleted me as a friend and now she's playing like it's a mystery. See, she cannot help herself but to continue to write to me.
Let her know she is an adult and is capable of making her own decisions.
FHN, theyr'e divorced. It's not "letting her go" It's the real grown up world and none of her fuckin' bisness. She's getting paid by him to basically not get married, and if another guy can take care of this poor helpless woman and wants too, she's screwing him and her ex over far more by following stupid rules than the ex is by not giving her a letter. She needs to put on her big girl panties and make these decisions for herself. Why should the ex risk his family and friends and she should get off scott free? I do admire your empathy and compassion, however. And your always unique perspective.
Avi. She is still getting spousal support. He can let her go get married and he will be free of supporting her. I don't hold my ex in high affection. But he sincerely believes and I have a half a heart. Edited to add: he was very bitter for a long time. But he has respect for me now for taking care of our grandson, when I could be on my own, carefree. He is nicer everytime I have to talk to him. He never did find anyone. He says his wife is his mustang, motorcycle and truck and the freedom to take off anytime, cares to the wind.
Oh, I forgot to say, I divorced my first non jw husband and the elders said all I needed was his word. Then my second JW husband, that divorce, I was the one who gave my word. I realize my post was blurring two divorces together. Sorry.
it depends how much you like your ex. - why should you conform to their religion. I wouldnt put anything on paper to my ex saying I had 'slept with someone else' thats only admissable in a divorce.
Id say its not your rules and not your problem.
i find it totally hypocritical that family members will mix with someone who lives what they deem a worldly lifestyle so long as they arent disfellowshipped but if thay are like me, you can live like a nun and they still wont mix with you.
my sister is leaving /left now and she says she doesnt want to get dfd so she can still have a relationship with our mum. that means she can go screw around and still speak to the family, while i stay at home single, working on my career and taking care of my two sons. - wheres the moral principle in that? (though I am happy my sister is seeing sense)
wow. this site is just one big rant lol... I have to go now I am getting angry!
If you get DFd, you lose your family permanently as you wouldn't intend to get reinstated.
If she gets DFd, she only loses her family until she is reinstated.
Tell her not to be so selfish and to get on with it and throw her nickers on his bed.
Tell her to get the divorce from you for sure...and go ahead and marry this guy. She will do 6 months of being DFd and then be right back in having her cake and eating it too.
Why should you GIVE this to her?? Their stupid rules dont apply to you any more.
You could give her her freedom, save your money, and if the elders go after you, tell them that you lied to your ex because you felt sorry for her, and wanted to do the kind thing. Tell them that jesus' words about breaking the sabbath to save a cow, or whatever it was, that fell down the well moved you to try to help this cow, er i mean your ex from the pit that she was in;))