by Awakened at Gilead 85 Replies latest members private
My mum was bashed and finally strangled by my step-dad pioneer Elder.....that time he did finally lose his privleges, and marriage.
Did he lose his right to remain in society? Losing privleges seems like a small price to pay for such a thing - he deserves jail time.
What finally got through to me was an old school friend kept saying, "You don't HAVE to live like this!" I hope you can convince her of that.
AAG- Lance , after reading all the other posts I agree - if this dickwad stepfather goes ape$hit on your mom verbally, physically, or is abusive in ANY way again I concur that it would be high time to get her the hell out of this guys torture dungeon. He is under " cult mind control" in a very real way and we all know what freaky things have happened by controlling jerks influenced by that - ie. Manson, Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite . Better to get your mom out while the getting is good - than wait for the Titanic to start sinking.
I have a witness sister who put up with 20 years of abuse by a witness husband as I mentioned to you on the phone - years of physical abuse which damaged her sex organs so she could never be with another man in that way, he beat her, cheated with other witness " sisters " , used cocaine and methamphetamine drugs, physically abused the children , on and on. The elders " guilted " her into staying with this scumbag and told her that , " she must have not been a supportive enough wife showing subjection " ! The price my sister paid for waiting 20 years to FINALLY leave him ? She has had post-traumatic stress syndrome since the late 1980's , panic attacks, on various medications for depression , suffered a stroke a year ago at age 56 , has fybromyalgia and lupus as well.
So the point is try to convince your mom that she doesn't have to live like that. If she waits too long as my sister did to leave this abusive man - in time it will not only take an emotional toll on her but a physical one as well . It's too high a price to pay to acquiesce or please elders who would rather see her in subjection to an abusive husband and dead - than to have her freedom and live
flipper said i may want to add what happened to me.. shows that really slot of elders are like this. i was abused and rapedby my ex and they told me it was my fault and they reproved me for this.. theres no love in that organization
Lance,
How are things?? Maybe a call to the senior abuse hotline??
Reading this thread, I had flashes back to my parents. My mom didn't know what to do.
and she had no one to act on her behalf. Let us know what we can do!!
shelley
Lance.""Maybe a call to the senior abuse hotline??".....BINGO!!.....That is a dam good idea!!.....................................
...OUTLAW
There is such fine advice in this thread, and I agree whole-heartedly with the importance of showing support and letting her know you are there for her.
The most important thing in the WORLD for someone who feels trapped is to KNOW that she has OPTIONS.
Love,
Baba.
Lance,
Grrrrrr, how upsetting. This is a perfect example of how completely DEFUNCT people's conscience's can become. How completely putrid of that man in a position of "authority" to not AT LEAST check out such a report. His responses to you were completely blind and biased and prejudiced right from the get-go. I could barely stomach to read the whole incident. Especially after he said "who are you to judge". What a puke in the face of what you were trying to say.
I'm so sorry. I totally feel for you. I'm upset just hearing about it. I can see, from my own JW experiences, family abuses, dealings with elders misplaced loyalties favouring the almighty printing press over any inborn sense of natural conscience, and from my own post-JW life and work experiences, that you are being honest.
Known for their love? HA! Try known for their ruthless Political technology built around their allegiance to a printing press. Whatever your motivation for calling him, Religion aside, that man's political decision in the face of your plea was incomprehensibly VILE. I wrote a great long diatribe against that creature called elder in response to your report and then I set that furor aside in favour of what really matters at this very moment. (IF you want my honest emotional response at any point, I'd be happy to share it with you.)
I hope you find another way through to a peaceful solution for yourself and your family. I know firsthand that it's really hard to stand up to abusive ones, particularly when it dates back to childhood and especially when you are operating remotely and fear further retribution to come down on the abusees or other political action that might prevent you from access to loved ones. Unfortunately, the JW elders have proven time and time again that they are NOT the place to go for real solutions to serious life issues or questions in the here and now. Turning to them in times of turmoil can be a hard habit to break, but the elders are not truly equipped for it (do not put your trust in nobles) and in fact, because of their highly political conflict of interest (protect the organization ahead of the sheep at all costs) often do more harm than good, especially when faced with real life problems, particularly with respect to dealing with things like human emotion.
A few other options to ponder, just off the top of my head:
You could call the police anonymously and ask them to do a "check on welfare" as you heard a LOT of noise and yelling coming from this address. (Get your father's behaviour on record with the police, for starters, as often as possible, and best to do this now before things escalate. This is not to get your father "in trouble". It is to accumulate some evidence that will help in the event that it is needed in order to shed some light on the situation as to trends and patterns etc and help everyone involved to see as much truth of the matter as possible. Sometimes people can only bring themselves to admit to their mistakes and seek appropriate help and solutions to the situation when shown stark cumulative evidence from perspectives not their own.)
Also, look into getting professional counselling support for yourself (it can be like having an actual sibling or relative with vast amounts of experience in dealing with pressure cooker situations much like this) to help confront/deal with this subject with your family history and/or find a suitable mediator to help you navigate the present issues for the sake of you, your mom, and your dad.
It might be useful to find out what kind of safe neutral retreats your mom can go to rather than enduring the screaming tirades. Do you live far from her?
My heart goes out to you. I despise injustice like this.
Clearly that elder you spoke with is not a man that loves truth or hates what is bad or he would have recognized the profound seriousness of what you were saying and heeded your cry for help. Instead he adds insult to injury, in effect kicking you when you are down. Does he honestly believe that you concocted some story about your father's fits of rage or that you are merely being 'judgmental'? WHY would you do that? Why do the JWs have such a vile disrespect for and inability to even see honesty? All you were asking is that he look into it. What is he so afraid of? Admitting that he doesn't know how to handle such things? Finding out that you are telling the truth? Feeling like you are manipulating him into actually helping someone in his so-called flock? Urrrrggggggg. There is the very remote possibility that he will be on the lookout anyway, but was just being too haughty, egotistical, and arrogant to let you know. I wouldn't count on this though. It's equally, if not more, likely that he abuses his own wife or children. I would take action of my own.
Well, you gave him his chance anyway. Either you can try someone else cut from the same cloth, or you can begin seeking out more effective solutions.
Again, I hope you can find some other way through to confronting your fears on this issue (the real truth really will set you free over and over again!) and forging peaceful solutions for your family. That's the nice thing about not being a JW anymore. Now you can actually use your where-with-all, gawd-given or otherwise, to find REAL solutions to things. :) Don't give up. Keep at it. You can do it.
Love,
SPAZ
ps - I'm not sure how you will feel about hearing this right now, but Religion aside, your father needs help as much as your mother does. He's afraid. And from the sounds of things, he's not handling it well. Keep us posted on how you're doing.
ps2 - please forgive me if I said anything stupid or unwitting above that doesn't actually fit your situation. sometimes the stuff that I get the most passionate about is because it's a subject that hits close to home, so there is the potential for projection. and I don't have a lot of time at the moment to read up on related posts or know you better, so I'm hopeful you will take from my post what may be helpful and discard the rest.
Sorry, I meant step-dad. Lots of great advice from the other posters. And also, I agree that from the sounds of things, given a bit more time your mom will quite possibly take some decisive action. OPTIONS are a very good thing. It's amazing how many good programs are out there to help with volatile situations.
I am still concerned about it escalating though. Given your step-dad's financial dependance on her, the cult issue escalating, and his apparent history of abusiveness/instability, I highly recommend calling the city where your mom lives and getting info on the local support system for domestic violence works so that she will be "armed" with good information and SOMEONE trustworthy can just go and pick her up if need be.
That said, I know from personal experience, we don't often change until we're uncomfortable ENOUGH and the decision to stick up for herself ultimately lies with your mom. I hope it all turns out well.
Is kicking his ass an option?
