I hate this cult... and how my dad abuses my mom

by Awakened at Gilead 85 Replies latest members private

• 

  Hope4Others

  No I won't. Unless a baptized JW calls me, I won't do anything since nothing uillegal is happening. That is all.

  That is just crazy! I really feel for your mom, I am sorry she is going through such h*ll. No one should have to deal with such abuse.

  I hope that she will find the courage and go and talk to the elders. they always sweep crap under the carpet....

  Maybe we can get a chain of letters going to the elders that we are shocked and dismayed you know the lingo....I hope the best

  for your mom, I'm sure her eyes were really opened now that she is at home, I'm glad she had such a fabulous time with you.

  ((((hugs))))

  h4o
• 

  cognac

  Why can't she get a restraining order against him?

  That way, he will be the one with the burden of having to leave, not her. He's the abuser, he should be the one to have to find another place.
• 

  aligot ripounsous

  AAG,

  if you think that this problem has to be addressed within the congregation, why not write to the bethel, reporting the phone conversation to them ? I guess they will hate seeing fuss being made public about how a JW elder treats his wife and the hierarchy not reacting to abuse. They will probably not want bad publicity, will investigate your SF case through the CO and will remind both your SF and that elder you talked to at least how "not to bring reproach on Jehovah's name"
• 

  Lady Lee

  Let;s start with the immediate issues. Yoru mother needs to get out of the house asap. SHE needs to call a crisis centre and hook up with a shelter for battered women to get her out of the house. Few shelters will intervene if someone else calls even if it is a professional like her doctor. They need evidence that she really wants to leave and is willing to take that first step.

  If she isn't quite ready to do that and can take a week or so to prepare then she has some time to do some important things. She could miss a meeting or two to do some of this while he is out of the house.

  • collect valuable documents, birth certificates, marriage licence, deed for the house, especially if her name is on it, bank records, both his and hers, and whatever money she needs, etc. I think you said something about her having some money. The shelter can help her find a way to protect her money so he can't get his hands on it. A call to the shelter could give her a list of what she really needs.
  • pack those suitcases again, clothes and other necessities she cannot do without. She will have to be willing to leave a lot of things behind.
  • make a list of the exact spots where things are or where she can put them. Sometimes she can get a worker or even a cop to go back to the house to gather some of her belongings. If she has her list it will cut down on the amount of time she has to be in the house. If she gets to go back with a cop or worker your father might keep quiet (wouldn't want a worldly person to see his rage adn bring shame on the cong - but then again he just might lose it entirely which is why she should not do this alone)
  • Now a shelter can put her up for a day or two until she is ready to either go to her sister's or to you. And they can help her get on a bus.

  As for the elders:

  • they believe all DAed or DFed people are liars. Therefore there is no reason to believe you. And he was quite willing to "kill the messenger" instead of look at the problem.
  • they have zero desire or power to intervene in cases of abuse. It is a lot easier to ignore it and hope it will go away. Spousal abuse is way beyond their ability to deal with and like some have said they will tell the wife to be in submission and wait on Jehovah - perfect way to get some wives killed
  • elders have zero desire to go to the authorities - can't let the world know that they tolerate abuse

  Your mother has places to go. Help her get there. She deserves some peace in her life.
• 

  Frank75

  AAG:

  All very sad. Good for you sticking up for her.

  However as long as she is in that environment she is at risk of further emotional and possibly physical abuse. The dynamic of the "who's in and who's out" of the JW community is a rather unique one and you are not going to get help from elders, PO's, bethel or anyone in there. Even elders in good standing, with political clout and otherwise have a hard time helping people like your mom. There is no way they are going to help the new Ray Franz (sorry if I am overstating things)

  I new a man (the congregation PO with Bethel clout in his pocket) that was beating his wife and although some knew it was secretly hushed, and her son who went on to become an elder himself was a witness to it all just as you. He was hand tied as you were. In the end it was the daughter in law who went to the elders in Earnest. They did nothing, so she went to the police. When the police took him away in shackles, a neighbor commented "it's about time, that man has been abusing her for 20 years that I have been next door..." (The daughter in law left the son over it and has never been back to the meetings)(oh and she was told if she took it to the police she would be df'd....that never happened)

  If you cannot get an outside institution to help in this, you are unfortunately out of luck with your mom. Some people need to help themselves. Of course you could take a Louisville to him and let him know you will give him a bruise/break for every abusive thing he does to her!

  With no belief in God or Bible you could also consider hiring a hit on him. That will make the abuse stop too.....just a suggestion....But might cause you more pain than it's worth...LOL

  My elderly mother is living with my abusive brother who has taken every penny she had so my blood boils t hear this. However my mom won't talk to me, you have your moms ear.

  Frank75
• 

  Frank75

  I have no intentions of going to the Kingdom Hall, being treated like a pariah, and then listening to some bulshit about Kenny now being in heaven since he was of the "heavenly hope". Of course, should that unfortunate event occur, I would go to comfort my mother, but the Kingdom Hall can go to hell, for all I care.-AAG

  Good on you! We were made to sit at the back at my wife's grandmothers "service" even though my wfe has never been df'd. Meanwhile sitting up at the front with the family was a man who had sexually molested my wife's cousins....we will never go back.

  Frank75
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  OUTLAW

  AGG..Lance I don`t know why I did`nt think of this before..We have "Lady Lee"...I think she is best suited to help you with this..She`s left a post for you on this thread,which I`m sure you will read..No doubt she can get you through this,step by step.......Good Luck Lance!.......................Lady Lee your a Sweetheart!......................................................

  ...OUTLAW
• 

  Frank75

  Lady Lee your a Sweetheart!

  Occasionally...sigh!

  Frank75
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  A@G, I feel sick that the elders take that kind of stand. I have no doubt that the elders must have been notified about you. You are worse to them then a disfellowshipped person, you are an apostate.

  Hopefully your mom will be able to see over time that they don't care about anything but themselves. The fact that these elders would be willing to sacrifice your mothers health and well being is sick.

  You are being a great son, and as you know well, you don't have to play by their rules. Hopefully, she will of her own accord, leave that prick!
• 

  blondie

  Getting help for someone who is being abused has to start with the one being abused. Even if you are an eyewitness to severe physical abuse, unless the police have physical evidence, have witnessed the abuse, or the victim takes steps against the abuser, there is little that can be done. I can remember many a night a police officer went to a big fight at a home, only to have the victim withdraw their accusations or worse yet attack the police officer.

  The fears and pressures that drive someone to stay with the abuser are hard to imagine unless you have lived in it as an adult victim or a child day after day, year after year.

  Lady Lee has some good practical advice.

  Love, Blondie