I hate this cult... and how my dad abuses my mom

by Awakened at Gilead 85 Replies latest members private

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  Awakened at Gilead

  He just called me to try to pin all sorts of guilt on me.... his argument is that I left Jehovah to pursue immorality. I explained that I don't believe in the Bible or God, and thus I have decided to live my life. He insists that it was the other way around, since I want to pursue a life of hedonism, I have discarded my belief in the Bible and God. Why can't JWs think for themselves? He concluded calling me an antiChrist. What a nice bloke.

  I concluded by wishing him "Happy Hannukah, Merry Xmas, and Happy New Year" and I hung up on his rants...

  Call me if u want....
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  Awakened at Gilead

  I must add that he is incensed that I have ExJW friends... I asked, can I make friends with JWs? He said I should hang out with worldly people, not exJWs...

  Stupid cultthink!
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  BurnTheShips

  Sounds like a very toxic fellow. I think he is accusing you of a (to him) base motive (sexual gratification) rather than a genuine act of conscience because to acknowledge the latter opens the door to the possibility that he might not have the whole truth.

  BTS
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  Awakened at Gilead

  Thats the point exavtly, BTS. He cannot fathom that I would leave over conscience. All he can see is my "immorality". I told him that I thought that screaming at his wife in a fit of rage is just as immoral or even worse.
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  jamiebowers

  Lance,

  Can you get your mom out of their house and into yours for a few more weeks? As damaging as the psychological abuse is, you need to find out if he's physically or sexually abusing her as well. If you get her out of that environment, you may be able to talk her into filing for divorce. My jw husband was extremely mentally ill and physically abusive, and the elders told me to wait on Jehovah and be a better wife. That's what they tell all battered wives, unless of course, she's the daughter of a higher up. And my husband was threatening to kill me. Yes, doctors and judges saw fit to forcibly commit him to a mental hospital twice, but the elders just couldn't understand why I wanted a divorce and to be as far away from him as possible.

  Your mom has nothing to lose by filing for divorce. Because she was in a long term marriage, he will have to pay her spousal support and split his retirement with her. She can get a divorce but of course can't remarry until she proves adultery on his part. But who knows, if she gets rid of him, she may want to get rid of the cult as well. Please get her out of that situation. If she needs to talk to someone who was abused by a jw husband, have her call me, or I'll call her if she/you don't have unlimited long distance.

  Please, Lance, as upset as you are, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ABUSED LIKE SHE IS BEING ABUSED. It is absolute torture to be a prisoner in your own home and to fear the man who is supposed to love you. If he is crazy enough to act like he's acting, he's crazy enough to hit her or worse. And he knows that he'll get away with it within the congregation.

  Will try to pm you my phone number.
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  Awakened at Gilead

  Jamie:

  She is definitely not being sexually abused (that hasn't happened for 28 yrs, lol) its a sexless mariage. My stepdad has no pension, he figured Armageddon was coming so he hasn't a dime. My mom can fully support herself as she has saved her 401k, pension, etc... only problem is she's in FL, I'm in NYC, its not like I can just drive to her house and pick her up...
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  flipper

  AWAKENED- Lance my friend - this man is definitely an abusive freak who needs to be stopped from causing even more hurt to your mother. It's truly amazing that one of Christ's " alleged " brothers , a future king and priest would treat a " weaker vessel " his wife like this. Would any of us want to be judged by this man if he made it up to heaven ? Jesus Christ.

  That being said - after talking on the phone with you I think you are doing everything you can possibly do to be supportive to your mom and help her through this. It's a good idea you have to talk with a different elder about this as it may convey to them that you as her son will not tolerate your mom being verbally abused in such an unchristian way. And a good idea as you said that if she talks to the elders to have her dwell on the abusive situation in the home ; and not let the elders rip control of the agenda of the meeting back into " naughty sister you associated with ex-witnesses. " We all know that elders and every JW are trained to change the subject even at the door ; and elders do the same trying to control rank and file publishers in JC meetings. Been there, experienced that. So she could take that control stick back from them to some extent. Perhaps your mom could show them info in their OWN PUBLICATIONS how wrong it is for her anointed husband to be abusive to her. Turn it around on your stepdad . Make it obvious HE is the dirty dog here . Just some thoughts.

  Please assure your mother of my wife and my love , as I'm sure everyone else here sends as well. If she would like to talk on the phone , we would be more than happy to oblige also . It is great your mom has you and your girlfriend to support her during this hardship and hour of need. Tell her she's got lots of friends here pulling for her. Take care, and hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  BabaYaga

  Flipper said: And a good idea as you said that if she talks to the elders to have her dwell on the abusive situation in the home ; and not let the elders rip control of the agenda of the meeting back into " naughty sister you associated with ex-witnesses. "

  Flipper you may be right as far as always bringing the conversation back from her associating with her "fallen" son, but JamieBowers is right (and she should know from her experience) the elders will not listen to a WORD about the spousal abuse. They don't CARE about that... the Silent Lambs site is full of stories of abused women who were told to stay with their abusing husbands. Plus, this is one of the Earthly Princes they are supposed to be judging... you know how far that's going to get.

  Awakened, I am assuming there is no place your Mom could go and stay to get out of the house besides Witness houses? Try Googling to a find "safe house" in her area just to have as a back-up plan.
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  flipper

  BABA YAGA - I agree with what you are saying and with what Jamie is saying as well. Yes, Awakened has been considering that option and he is willing, ready, and able to care for his mom if that is the case , I'm sure. At this time there is no physical abuse apparently and I'm sure he will assist his mom out of that environment shortly if it escalates. I have the utmost confidence in Lances ability to do this. No one should put up with verbal, emotional, or any other kind of abuse - I agree wholeheartedly
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  purplesofa

  A@G

  I was the victim of these kind of rantings from my ex-husband. One particular night, it went on the entire night until the sun came up and I literally passed out from exhaustion.

  Your step-father has lost some control over your mother, and this may be a way to gain it back.

  When you are yelled at like that continously, your mind gets flustered and you begin to agree to things you otherwise would not.

  Her trip with you has probably really intimidated him. He does not want her to have any allies, esp an ex-JW....sinner, fornicator!!!

  The fact is, she will not get out until she is ready, when she has had enough. It's very scarey to "turn him in" so to speak.

  I appreciated non-judgemental support. It's very hard to even tell anyone that you live in these kinds of circumstances, so the hardest thing to do as a loving observer is to make sure the lines of communication are always open.

  I may not know at all what I am talking about in this situation, but I just had to share this with you.

  purps