Give me a reason not to have an affair/one night stand

by mtsgrad 125 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  sweetstuff

  Sweetstuff

  Thanks for your input.
  
  I have had counselling in the past and have just started it again recently after a short break. To answer your question, I was abused as a child. I spent my life growing up not realsing that parents were there to support you. Parents were people who would stick with you thru thick and thin. Family would be a place of support. So when I got married, when things did not work out I did not realise that certain behaviours were not acceptable. As a good witness I did not get counselling. When my cousellor first spoke to me her jaw hit the ground. She said most people had an issue or two to resolve. I had every element of my life in a state of crisis for many years.

  I am not going to live a wild life now, but feel that the warmth of someone who cares about me would not end the world.
  
  But i still appreciates the reservation that a number of you have.
  
  mtsgrad

  It's certainly not the end of the world and is something you well deserve, but that is exactly why I think you should handle all the aspects of the death of the marriage first. You want the warmth of this person who cares about you, but what can you offer her in return? Have you completely dealt with all the baggage left behind or are you still sorting thru the emotional crisis's that have haunted you for so long?

  I'm just saying, what if this person who cares about you, goes on to hurt you? How will you handle/cope with that? Are you ready and in the right place emotionally to deal with whatever comes from a new relationship, physical or more?
• 

  caliber

  After the Allies entered the Nazi prison camp .. the starving people were given abundant food and drink

  so some went after the food stuffing themselves.. why not ? ..now they could eat ALL they want ! They had survived

  years under starvation conditions . but now they burst their stomach's from too much food.(.thus death) freedom and a future

  was insight. What would you have done ? ~ Cal
• 

  mtsgrad

  Cheers Skully

  You commented:

  I would recommend waiting a little longer for the following reasons: 1) a few more months of abstinence is not going to hurt you, and waiting until you are totally "free and clear" legally will (hopefully) make your intended future partner see you as being honourable, not just using her for meeting your intimacy needs. Not gonna hurt me waiting. I am going delirous at the moment! Future partner. I dont think so. Its just a one, two or three night stand. If my future partner asks in yrs to come, I will tell her the truth. 2) starting a physical relationship with another partner will distract you from the divorce proceedings and may compel you to make decisions that you might regret later. I cannot see how I will be distracted. Then again, I do not get divorced everyday. 3) your ex-wife will (if she discovered an "affair") have more reason to be vindictive and drag out the proceedings and attempt to make matters worse for you financially. It is extremely unlike that my wife will have a whiff of my shannanigans. By law she is getting the maximum out of me anyhows. Technically, I don't consider embarking on a new relationship when it is clear that the previous one is dead and is coming to an end "an affair". It is "moving on with your life." That's a healthy thing. But to refer to it as an "affair" makes me wonder whether you are focused mostly on "getting laid" as opposed to developing a healthy long-lasting relationship with someone you care about. I am most definetly focusing on the former! Cheers mtsgrad
• 

  Homerovah the Almighty

  Sounds to me that you've really have missed that personal intimacy from a woman that loves you , which is totally understandable and it does

  appear that you might be on the verge of starting a new relationship with someone else that wants to offer that intimacy......great ! But wait !

  Coming from experience I would say sort out and clear up this obviously bad one before you venture into a new one, because you have the possibility

  of dragging your old problems right into into your new one.

  As Sacolton said, now is the time to think with your large head rather than your little one, plot your course carefully and you'll be fine.

  Oh by the way pay no attention from the comments from Brother Apostate he's suffering from what psychologists describe as the Jesus syndrome

  as you can tell from his comments. In other words he's read the bible so much he perceives himself now as being a special exalted spiritual being of wisdom.....not good
• 

  DanTheMan

  I agree with Gregor, Lola, others. If marriage means anything to you at all as an institution, even if the one you're in has been a disaster, then I think you'd be hurting your conscience if you did the deed before the divorce is final.
• 

  mtsgrad

  Homerovah the Almighty

  Sounds to me that you've really have missed that personal intimacy from a woman that loves you
  Is that an understatement

  Coming from experience I would say sort out and clear up this obviously bad one before you venture into a new one, because you drag your old problems right into into your new one.
  I only plan a one or two night stand so cannot how that is possible.

  As Sacolton said, now is the time to think with your large head rather than your little one, plot your course carefully and you'll be fine.
  My little head does not feel like reasoning at the mo!

  Most posters trying to stop me appear to have religious motivations to do so. Knowing my luck, my hot date will trun round to me and say I remind her of her brother!
  
  mtsgrad
• 

  mtsgrad

  Awakened at Gilead

  I am so jealous of you. You have divorced the woman you loved once and are still friends. Seems a little Walt Disney to me!

  Along with the dues drying up the communication has too (or maybe it was visa versa a long way back). I dont think she could give a ****. Along with losing my religion I guess I may be using this potential one night stand to liberate me. Any professional counsellors here?

  After listening to posters kind comments I may pull out at the last moment.

  Thanks all

  mysgrad
• 

  mtsgrad

  DanTheMan

  Are you surpised that my opinion of marriage has changed slightly recently? Conscience? Think mine is ready for a holiday for at least once night!
  Cheers mtsgrad
• 

  Homerovah the Almighty

  MTS remember what we used to do when we were young teenagers..... hint hint

  It may just cool the waters for the moment until you can be a red hot lover again

  And don't perceive that since you haven't been doing the horizontal mamba you've forgotten how to,

  don't worry its just like riding a bicycle once you've jumped back on you'll be ready to roll again., I promise
• 

  Brother Apostate

  "Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest. If you plant in the soil of your corrupt nature, you will harvest destruction. But if you plant in the soil of your spiritual nature, you will harvest everlasting life." - Galatians 6:7-8

  Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. - 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

  BA- Take it seriously.

  Are you serious?

  Serious as a heart attack. "What comes around, goes around". "Karma" if you like. It is unescapable. What you sow, you will also reap.

  If you take the Bible at its word, men and woman have done far worse and have been forgiven.

  Indeed. That is true.

  A one night stand after 7 yrs seems kinda reasonable to me.

  It is not "reasonable" by any measure.

  "How blessed is the man who endures temptation! When he has passed the test, he will receive the victor's crown of life that God has promised to those who keep on loving him. When someone is tempted, he should not say, “I am being tempted by God,” because God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone. Instead, each person is tempted by his own desire, being lured and trapped by it. When that desire becomes pregnant, it gives birth to sin; and when that sin grows up, it gives birth to death." - James 1:12-15

  If God punishes me for this then I would not wanna serve him.

  "Think about the one who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you may not become tired and give up. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. You have forgotten the encouragement that is addressed to you as sons:

  “My son, do not think lightly of the Lord's discipline or give up when you are corrected by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he punishes every son he accepts.”

  What you endure disciplines you: God is treating you as sons. Is there a son whom his father does not discipline? 8Now if you are without any discipline, in which all sons share, then you are illegitimate and not God’s sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them for it. We should submit even more to the Father of our spirits and live, shouldn't we? For a short time they disciplined us as they thought best, but God does it for our good, so that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, for those who have been trained by it, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace." - Hebrews 12:3-11

  BA- Your choice. But for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.