huge announcement after the Watchtower study on the 27 of April?

by Dogpatch 140 Replies latest jw friends

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead
    Dawg: We've decided that licking your wife's privates isn't all that bad after all. So Brothers and Sisters, feel free to lick.

    I had a good laugh on that one.... Too bad its not true...

    [email protected]

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    When will they announce the torture witness?

    You know! Where they bang on people's doors and tell them they are screwed and nee ner nee ner nee ner! LOL

    Them and their dumb announcements. Someone should go make an announcement that Tired of the Hypocrisy is gonna open up a can of whoopass on the next sumbitch that knocks on his door! LOL

    Dawg: We've decided that licking your wife's privates isn't all that bad after all. So Brothers and Sisters, feel free to lick.

    Oh ya, the new word is...I'll FU** your Sucker if you'll Suck my FU**er! LOL

  • R.Crusoe
    R.Crusoe

    Tongues never had it so good - just keep within the guidelines!

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Here is a scan of the announcement. Enjoy:

    The Governing Body has appointed two new members. Effective May 1st, two prophets of God. Obves and JCanon will serve in the role of Watchtower Oracle. It has been discovered that they have picked up the figurative robe of our former oracle, Freddy Franz. Please post this to the information board, along with the pictures enclosed. May Jehovah bless these robust Bible students as they direct God's people in prophetic understanding leading to Armageddon in 2011.

    JCanon Obves

    Jeff

  • Mr Ben
    Mr Ben

    Announcing New Licking Guidelines:

    1. “May you bless Jah with your tongue!” In accordance with this scripture each lick should be followed by uttering God’s name two times. Not once, or thrice, but twice.
    2. Sexy clothing. Wives who flout their sexuality should not be rewarded with a licking session. Period.
    3. Physical exercise is good for a little. In order to remain balanced spiritually, husbands should limit the amount of monthly licking time to exactly 100th of the time the wife has put in for field circus. Husband should keep a record of the amount of licking time so elders can compare this to field circus reports. We faithfully predict a rise in the number of our pioneer sisters.
    4. Shaven or unshaven? Jehovah’s very unfaithful and indiscreet slave do not presume to direct the private lives of Jehovah’s people. However, spiritual ones will consider carefully Jesus was always well shaved and never had a beard, and indeed, authorised us to mark anyone who does otherwise. Therefore loyal husbands should present their wives to a special meeting of two or more elders each month who can establish the wife’s worthiness for licking privileges. Marking should not be done with a permanent marker but with the special semi-permanent marker listed as inventory number 69 on your monthly literature request form.
    5. Single sisters may apply to the body of elders to see if they qualify for special privileges in this respect. Such spiritual ones will surely heed the wise counsel that they should submit to the body of elders as though they were “spiritual husbands” as it were. Such sisters will bear in mind that there is more pleasure in giving than receiving. Let those who can hear hear what the spirit says to the congregations.

    We hope these new arrangement will be carefully heeded by all faithful ones.

    Your brothers in the Lord….

  • TJ - iAmCleared2Land
    TJ - iAmCleared2Land
    New Licking Guidelines

    Mr. Ben, that slayed me! Very funny.

  • watson
    watson

    You can just see the "new light" emanating from behind OBVES!! He definately qualifies..

  • JWRESEARCH
    JWRESEARCH

    It will be the end of Group BookStudies!!!

    100% confirmed informations

    Serious

    Soon we may give you more informations!

  • cabasilas
    cabasilas

    JW Research,

    Welcome to the Forum! Could you elaborate on how you know what the announcement will be? I realize you may need to be careful not to reveal too much personally, but this would surprise me. I always thought the area book studies was an important part of keeping in touch with the rank and file membership.

  • JWRESEARCH
    JWRESEARCH

    I really have to be very carefull

    This is top classified material

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