Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself

by svennibenni 93 Replies latest social relationships

  • svennibenni


    I'm sorry if I'm totally wrong here but I have a serious problem.

    I met a woman in the company I work in via intranet. It is a very big company with offices all over the world. She moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met. After a few weeks we wrote emails, chatted on the net but we've never seen each other. Once she told me she was a JW. I didnt think about it back then. Then we began talking via skype. Now month passed and we talked every day for several hours - I mean we talked 4-6 hours til 3 or 4 am !!!!!. And suddenly love came in our way. So this affair if I may call it so had nothin to do with looks or whatever is normal. We talked and talked ... about all sorts of things and found out that we share the same ideas feel the same and also have the same goals, partly . And when we met in person 3 month later I knew I'd give anything to marry that woman. She feels the same for me I know. But still she is a passionate JW. See how hard it is for her to keep up our relationship and not denying her beliefs. So we met again for a day in my country before she was going to visit her family. And again that was the most fantastic day in my life and in hers as she told me. Nothin ever happened between us - no Sex just kisses. Just two days later while she was still with her family - things changed, She wrote me an email that she decided to end our relationship until I became a member of JW.And she had to end it now as she doesnt want me to become a member just because of her - my decision must be of free will. This is now two weeks ago and I called her twice a day on the mobile and sent her some sms and now when she got back from her parents things change again back "to normal" This is hard for her I know but this is hard for me as well. I do love her and although I was never baptized in any religion and as I am a very cool thinking man I really intend to become a JW unless I can save her from that cult. She es a VERY logical thinking woman (yes there are some ;-) ) and she would very soon find out where I was going to lead her. She was raised in a JW family her father is an oldest (if that is the correct expression in english) and she would loose ANY friend/contact she has ever had. What can I do - what should I do. I dont want to throw all the facts that I know now about JW at her and maybe let her commit suicide or leave me. Becoming a JW seems to me the only "reasonible" way. I do NOT want to hurt her, I can only imagine what she already has gone thru by just keeping up this relationship with me. She loves me truly and I dont want to let her down. Can anyone give suggestions. I know this all sounds ridiculous to you and when I read these lines things are a bit messed up. But thats the way I feel right now (and she as well). I never told her (that was/is my only lie to her) that I did some research about JW and found some .... mysteries. There must be someone out there, who had simlilar thoughts or experiences. IS THERE HELP ?

    Thank you so much in advance

  • Gopher

    Hi svenni, welcome to the forum. Your question is definitely not new to this forum, many have visited here with the same question. This situation has many difficulties, and the chances of success are limited.

    Here's a part of the forum you might want to look into, with some good advice:

    Best wishes

  • svennibenni

    Hi Gopher,

    thank you so much for your quick reply. I will check out that page at once, of course. If you think that my post belongs to another topic or where I can get more "answers" please tell me how to put it there. Thanks again


  • Gopher

    Svenn -- you have posted in the right place. After a while, more people will come answer with their ideas.

  • OnTheWayOut
    Becoming a JW seems to me the only "reasonible" way.

    This is a big mistake. Sorry to say that, but it needs to be said.

    You are looking for an alternative answer, but we all are looking for those.
    There is no "magic" answer to free a particular member from the lies of Watchtower.

    Since you already assume there is no magic answer, you decide to join JW's to
    help this woman. That might sound ultra-romantic to you, but it may not work anyway.
    Her guilt could get to her, she could be convinced that you are only doing it to be
    with her (and that would be true) so she would want a more "spiritual" mate.

    I think that if you are able to have some communication with her, tell her that you
    want to learn about JW's and share what you learn with her. You can do this on the
    computer or phone. Then figure a way to reveal things to her a bit at a time. If she
    cuts you off, then you may be better off ending it.

    I believe in the hopeless romantic, but this really is hopeless unless she listens to
    reason from YOU, not the cult-modified you.

  • serotonin_wraith

    I cannot see how your goals are similar. Her goal is to live through the destruction of 6 billion humans any day now, make the Earth a paradise, then after 1000 years be tested so that she may live forever.

    She's not being logical if she believes that. She's been brainwashed. You can try to free her from that, but there will be serious consequences if you decide to be a cult member, so I don't reccommend that approach.

  • svennibenni

    thanks for your answer : good point.

    fact is - she is listening very closely to all I say ! AND we do talk about religion, too. As a matter of fact I am and always was interested in religions and therefor I 'm very convincing. I do ask her a lot of questions and tell her to explain them to me. She always does. And I was telling the truth, when I told her that I have an open mind and want to learn everything about this religion as well. Only I found out so many things that do not "fit". It sounds very reasonable to ask just one question from time to time, she cannot really answer... It has to be SHE, who finds the answers. But still there is this problem about all her friends and contacts... What a mess.....

    AND it is much too late to shut down the engine - I'm already too much emotionally involved.

    See after all those discussions she still tells me that she will wait for me to marry her - as long as it takes !!!

  • sweetface2233

    In your topic title you labled JWs a cult; and you're considering joining for some girl? A girl who is too selfish to care about your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs? A girl who said she'll be w/ you if you become a JW but never gave the option of leaving her beliefs for you? Do you really want to be in a relationship w/ someone like that? All she will do is take, take, take. She did you a favor, dude.

  • svennibenni

    Hi, thanks for your reply,

    our goals are similar, cos she wants to spend her life with me and she tells me to follow me whereever I lead her, to build a house to have children later on, to live a decent life - all "old time" stuff I know but this time it feels right to me as well... Everything we talk about - we share almost always the exact same opinion. It is very strange. I never had this before in my life !!!

    I know that it will be very difficult and I'm prepared .... just need more help / advice. Of course, also the bad points of this are important to me. so thanks to you, too !!!!

  • svennibenni

    Hi Sweetface,

    I already thought about that, too. I'm a computer tech and have a humanistic education. old greek and latin philosophers and so on. I REALLY think about that very hard. You say she's done me a favour.. how do you mean that. Sorry I am not american and maybe I didnt get that expression right. ?

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