When we were growing up my mom always said if she had to choose between us and Jehovah in persecution, she would choose Jehovah and let us die. Normal for a dub. BUT what I don't get is that my hubby faded, her brother faded and her best friend is DF'd. She still speaks to them. Well did speak to my hubby, he won't talk to her now. She needs to reevaluate her priorities he says. Good luck with that. When we were caring for her dying mom, she told me to put her in a home instead of taking care of her like we were doing with Grandma. I'll leave that to my brother, who was never baptized so is OK to talk to.
Yesterday my father informed me that he will shun me...
by nvrgnbk 83 Replies latest jw friends
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Gopher
Nate,
I'm sorry to hear about this unfortunate exchange you had with the parental unit (that's the name my sis & I have for the JW's who shun us and just happen to be our parents). I reckon you've been bracing for this for a while, since you took it so calmly. It wasn't an unexpected outcome.
I feel like an orphan. I've made better friends and family out in the "world", and it makes up for it somewhat. I just settled in my mind that we all lose our parents sometime, and that in cases like ours the religion takes them from us while they're still alive.
No easy answers, man.
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R.Crusoe
I know how you feel. Isn't it weird how you were sunk on their ideas with the unconditional love that you had to give but then when you decide to give it they try to say, 'Ah but only so and so! ' as if you pick and choose love! And also how they rope family into the same to put below the belt pressure on other family. As if family are not allowed to think either for themsleves or as a family! Total control or on your own -Good Luck!!!
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nvrgnbk
I wish he could know just how many JW parents have chosen not to shun their family
members. He probably thinks they all do....but I know from personal accounts, they all DO NOT.
Exactly.
That's the most bizarre thing about this, journey-on.
He has known my position on things for more than a year now.
He had been rationalizing things so that he could talk to me.
Frankly, I was impressed with his enlightened approach.
So much for that.
Really, thanks to all of you for your kindness, but it's a good thing that's happened.
Now, thanks to him, I have more clarity.
I think I had been idealizing him, making excuses for him.
I understand why he thinks what he does.
I pity him.
Warmest regards,
Nate
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Tara
So sorry, Nvr. It's sad that they really think they are doing a loving and right thing. They can't see how UNloving and wrong it is to shun their own flesh and blood.
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journey-on
When we were growing up my mom always said if she had to choose between us and Jehovah in persecution, she would choose Jehovah and let us die.
What a horrible thing to tell a child!! The number one thing a kid needs from its parents is to feel safe and cherished. I guess by saying it out loud, she, too, thought she was earning big spiritual points with
her God Jehovah! Even if she really felt that way, she should have kept it to herself. Didn't she think God could read the heart. That's just plain SICK to let your child hear you say something like that!
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looking_glass
It will be a year soon since my mother sent me "you are dead to me" ltr. Because I am inactive and until I turn back to Jah, she is doing the "tough love" on me. In her ltr she said that I can pretend to be an orphan and maybe my "shallow worldly friends will support me" until the END OF THE WORLD (a/k/a armageddon) and then I will have to stand all alone and explain to Jah why I turned my back on him.
Whatever.
Never - it is easy to say that it does not bother us but in the end it does. But it is possible to accept that our active jw family is messed up and the reason they buy into the whole there is no such thing as unconditional love is cause they have never experienced it so they think it is impossible to receive/give.
I have really close friends who do act like family and I get to pick them on to of everything cause I have family that even when I was an active JW, I did not like them very much.
No cyber hugs cause you said you were not looking for that. But, based on prior posts, I think I know what would make you feel better .... How about a cyber flash (I just lifted my shirt and flashed ya). You're a boy and you boyz love that crap. So that is my way of making you feel better.
Peace L_G
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sweetstuff
I am feeling for ya Nate, I am in parental limbo myself, just waiting to hear those words from my parents. Last time they visited, I was very forceful when pushed regarding exactly what I thought, I had always tried to stand my ground while respecting their stance, not an easy task, but I had had enough and pointed out specific fallicies in their beliefs and was told that was "apostate" thinking.
I think the hammer is levered and waiting to fall any time now. They could tolerate me and have a relationship, as long as I didn't say "too much". That's not love, they believe as your father does, that the relationship with Jehover comes before any human relationship, so sad but its the deluded mentality they have chosen.
IMO, the best revenge per say, is when he is old and needs someone to wipe his, umm yeah you get the picture...show him that unconditional love does exist, that you will be there, even when he was not. A late lesson in life, yes, but one that may bring you both more closure and comfort than you know. To walk away from him at his time of need, is proving his point, that unconditional love isn't real. But to give him the help and love he needs then, proves IT DOES.
Hugs.
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eclipse
He coldly explained that his relationship with God is more important to him than any human relationship.
May Jehovah wipe his ass and his chin when he loses control of his bodily functions.
That's the best answer for all brainwashed JW's who worship the organization and call it ''Jehovah''.
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AWAKE&WATCHING
It sounds like you didn't just lose your dad, you lost your hero. I'm very sorry to hear this Nate.
I used to feel so alone not having any of my family in. Then when I had married Brian that changed and I thought "this isn't all it's cracked up to be." My in-laws were not nice people by anyone's standards.
Now I am just so grateful not to have to deal with this with parents, siblings or children. My marriage was over anyway and I can make new friends.
My heart goes out to you Nate.
I am so sorry.