Do you expect the man in the marriage to be strong. (page 8)

kerj2leev

A question to the women;
What is it in a guy that you see as strength?

First off this is an unanswerable question! Cause once a woman thinks she has the answer it changes the next day!

John Doe

and I agree 100%. But the bad ones don't even have to try to attract women. They just do.

I think we need to distinguish "bad" types here. Sure, women find some types of bad attractive, but I'll bet no one finds the Jeffrey Dahmers of the world attractive. There exists, without a doubt, numerous types of bad.

The type of bad you seem to be referring to is a type of antiestablishmentarianism. These guys aren't bad in the sick sense of the word, but perceive injustices in the world and refuse to go along with the status quo. They fight for what they believe is right, and that often involves taking on various social injustices that occur without much thought from the average person. They're not afraid to tell you exactly what they think, and they don't care if their words run contrary to popular notions. There is a bit of uncertainty surrounding them. People want to be around fighters who take stands, no around meek ones who fade softly into the night. Am I right or am I right?

nvrgnbk

Define "strong".

flipper

Nvr, mrs flipper here. I can define strong - and I've had 2 men in my life who are this strong. My grandfather was my grandmother's best friend - they spent most of their time enjoying each other's company, helping each other, respecting each other, very loving. This was in the 50's, the younger men in the family would joke among themselves that Bill was "whipped", after all they all thought it was cute to complain about their wives and the ball and chain of marriage (jokingly, of course). But what I saw, sitting playing on the floor of Grandpa's home carpenter shop (as I spent weekdays at my grandparents' house) was that when these men had serious problems in their lives, they came over to my grandpa Bill to spill their guts and get his advice. Many times. He didn't care that they had teased and laughed at him - they were his family and friends and he gladly helped them.

I believe I always held in my mind that a really strong man was like Grandpa - strong enough to show his feelings, not needing to puff up in front of people and act tough. Could be kind and honest and considerate, to cry if he felt like it.

Fast forward to my 50th year and I met Mr. flipper who is very very strong in all these ways and more. Not a mean bone in his body. Keeps us laughing by laughing at himself. It's great. He is always there for everyone in his life. I hope to be able to be strong for him when he needs it. This is what I consider strength. Never thought I would be so fortunate. If it can happen for me it can happen for you - believe it. Mrs F

eclipse

This applies to both men and women.

Strength is self-respect.

Strength is showing others respect.

Strength is not rigid in beliefs /views, but not weakly indecisive.

They are flexible and open-minded, and reasoning.

Strength is showing compassion but not gullability or naivety,

They are unable to be manipulated.

Strength is kind and generous, but not a doormat who lets others take advantage of them.

Strength is appreciating the qualities of others and themselves. Strength is insight and foresight.

Strength is feeling your emotions, not bottling them up, but not letting your emotions control your behavior.

Strength is fairness and strength is balance.

nvrgnbk

That's a pretty good defintion, eclipse.

Nvr The Doormat

eclipse

Nvr, You do not seem to be like a doormat

Twitch

Thank you for your responses

Helps me to understand things from the other perspective a bit better.

'preciate it :)

Fe2O3Girl

Ex-witless hit the nail on the head:

He sounds like he's desperate for attention, even when he really doesn't need/deserve any. So when his wife - who is the one who should be getting the attention - is sick, maybe he can't stand that all the focus is on her. Therefore, he has to pull some 'heroics' so everyone will think "wow, look how strong he is, look how dedicated he is..." and he becomes the focus of attention. The only thing you can do in that situation is for everyone to NOT NOTICE his heroics; just ignore them but treat him like you would anyone in his situation. Or maybe someone should tell him "Look, all your drama and heroics aren't helping anything. Let's focus on getting your wife better..." I don't know. Just a thought.

And, on the subject of strong men: I got home from work on last night, running a temperature and feeling generally lousy. My husband had been looking after our son all day, and done all the grocery shopping for the week. He had prepared a light tasty meal for me which was on the table when I walked in. I normally take over looking after our son for the last couple of hours before bedtime, but I just slobbed on the couch and then went and got in the bath. Our son got in the bath with me for a few minutes, while my husband cleared all the dinner dishes. After he had put baby to bed, I noticed that the central heating was on. "I thought you looked cold, so I put the heating on," he said. Swoon.

sweetstuff

Just caught up on this thread, Freyd's comments should be an ad, for.... WHEN TESTOSTERONE TURNS BAD.

I got home from work on last night, running a temperature and feeling generally lousy. My husband had been looking after our son all day, and done all the grocery shopping for the week. He had prepared a light tasty meal for me which was on the table when I walked in. I normally take over looking after our son for the last couple of hours before bedtime, but I just slobbed on the couch and then went and got in the bath. Our son got in the bath with me for a few minutes, while my husband cleared all the dinner dishes. After he had put baby to bed, I noticed that the central heating was on. "I thought you looked cold, so I put the heating on," he said. Swoon.

Now that's a real man !

Do you expect the man in the marriage to be strong.

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